


Eyes Wide Open

by inactive_pseud_sorry, phonesitin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, alcohol use, mm how do i not spoil, very potentially triggering content ok?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-03-09 13:04:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 73,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3250721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inactive_pseud_sorry/pseuds/inactive_pseud_sorry, https://archiveofourown.org/users/phonesitin/pseuds/phonesitin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fortune cookie said to <em>Grab the hand of the next person who passes you.</em><br/>And he did.<br/>NOTE: Discontinued, Unfinished, NOT left on a cliffhanger (we let you know what we were *planning* to write at the end)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **An important note:**  
>  If you're here for jeaneren, you'll get it. However, it's not endgame. There's good content for you, but it doesn't, uh, end well. You have been warned.
> 
>  **Other notes:**  
>  This fic is a collab between me and Octoprince. Octoprince wrote Armin's segments and I wrote Eren's but, as always, we helped each other edit and work through scenes every so often.
> 
> **This fic is unfinished and discontinued. Don't let that dissuade you from reading, though--there's a lot of content in what IS here. At the end, we provide a summary of what was supposed to happen next in the fic. Sorry about this, we just ran out of steam and didn't want to just not update and pretend like we were still working on it. It's better to be honest with the readers.**

Armin rested his head in his hands, staring dully at the book before him. Its words seemed heavier than they had previously, and surprisingly enough, Armin found himself bored with its content. Usually Armin enjoyed reading, but it appeared that this book was not doing the trick. Sighing, the blonde boy tucked a shock of his hair behind an ear and slowly closed the spine of the bulky book. Studying would have to wait for later, he reasoned.

Armin got to his feet and unzipped his dark green messenger bag, shifting around its contents to make room for the textbook. Once he had made enough space for the cumbersome object, Armin shoved it into the abyss of his pack and zipped it back up. He proceeded to push the wooden chair back against the table, throwing his bag over one shoulder and waving quietly at his study partner. The girl looked up and crinkled her eyebrows slightly.

“Where you goin’, Armin?” She inquired, tilting her head to the side. While her appearance screamed ‘innocent little girl,’ she really was a force to be reckoned with.

“Sorry, Historia.” Armin whispered, keeping his voice quiet in the hushed library. “I really just...don’t feel like studying. Another time, maybe?” He raised a hand in apology, to which Historia rolled her eyes. 

“That’s a first.” She murmured, lowering her gaze back down to her own heavy textbook. Cheeks flushed, Armin rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the carpet, murmuring another apology.

“Tell Ymir hi if you see her, ‘kay?” He asked awkwardly, already turning to leave the library. Armin stepped through the sliding glass doors and back into the harsh sunlight, shielding his vision with his left hand. He stopped for a moment, blinking at the concrete ground, contemplating what to do and where to go next. Outside of his internship with the newspaper and focusing on his grades in college, Armin didn’t really have anything to do other than eat and sleep.

He chuckled softly to himself. _So much for the idea of a fun college life_ , he thought. It wasn’t that he was necessarily unhappy, Armin just found himself rather….bored? _No, that’s not the right term._ Maybe...unsure? That seemed a bit more accurate. All of his life he had been studying. First it was for fun, for the enjoyment of learning. Then it was to get into a good high school. Then it was to get into a good college. And now it was to ensure he could have a good job. 

He enjoyed learning, but Armin just wasn’t sure if the hype was worth it after all of these years. It was too late to get back those 20 years he had spent cooped up with his books, but he could try something different. Something more risky.

 _Don’t go throwing away your life, now. Play it safe and don’t endanger your grades or your future career_. Armin exhaled once again and walked through the parking lot, weaving through the cars until he finally found his own automobile. A click on his keys unlocked the door, allowing Armin to slip into the driver’s seat, looking at the rearview mirror. _What should I do? Is there anything that I can do without worrying about my grades?_

Suddenly, his phone went off. Armin jumped and glared at the object, picking it up. He tapped the green “answer” button and held the phone to his ear, not even bothering to look at who was calling him.

“You still haven’t left the parking lot.” Historia’s voice rang. Her tone was calm and collected, but Armin felt goosebumps dot his skin.

“I’m thinking of something to do!” Armin exclaimed, frantically trying to explain himself. “Don’t be mad! I-- oh man I’m sorry!”

Historia chuckled. “Why the hell would I be mad? If you’re thinking of something to do, Ymir and I are gonna get some friends and go out drinking later.”

“I’m still underage.” Armin muttered, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand.

“So? I didn’t let that stop me.” Indignation was clear in Historia’s intonation, causing Armin to stare dumbly at the steering wheel to think of a response.

“It’s illegal.” He finally managed to blurt out.

Silence hung in the air for a few moments. Armin felt his skin prickle with apprehension. He never knew how Historia was going to respond.

Suddenly, Historia’s voice returned. “Wow. You’re a pussy.” It was said in a joking manner. Armin couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“Yeah, yeah...I know. Anyways, I thought of something to do, I’m going to go. Bye.” Without waiting for a response, Armin hung up the phone and returned it to the middle console. It was, of course, a lie, and Armin had no idea what he was going to do. 

Nonetheless, he stuck the key in the ignition and turned. The car spurted to life with a soft rumble while Armin buckled his seatbelt and backed into the parking lot, turning onto the road.

 _I still have no idea what I want to do_ , Armin reflected. _I suppose I can just go get some food. It’s better than drinking, anyway. Especially with Ymir and Historia._

Ultimately, Armin finally settled on the idea of getting something to eat. But next came an even greater dilemma: _what_ to eat. He had lived off of pizza and instant ramen for the past few years of his life and he didn’t have the money for anything too expensive. After much contemplation, Armin finally settled on Chinese food and turned on the navigation on his phone. The phone dutifully led Armin to his location, a small Chinese restaurant named Maria. 

_Interesting name_ , Armin thought as he stepped through the doors. He glanced around the shop, which was empty save for a group of girls in the back corner, giggling about something. Armin strode up to the counter and waited for a few minutes until a large, burly man stepped out from behind the curtains. On his shoulder was a damp washcloth. 

“Can I help you?” The man said gruffly, putting his weight on the counter. It trembled under his weight and shook slightly. 

“Um….could I...see a menu?” Armin began. “Please?” He quickly added, staring at the huge person before him. The man jabbed a finger at the menus in a small box before the blonde boy without saying a single word. Swallowing, Armin picked up the menu with trembling fingers and quickly skimmed it. “I’ll take some Kung Pao Beef. To go, please.”

The man nodded and rang Armin up on the register, holding his hand out for the money. Once the meal was paid for, Armin settled down on a chair by the entrance, foot tapping nervously against the ground. Soon enough, his meal was prepared and done. Satisfied, Armin grabbed the plastic bag and shuffled out of the shop and back to his car.

The drive back to the dormitory was relatively short, something that Armin found pleasantly nice about going to college in the heart of the city. By the time he had arrived at his dorm room, the box holding his meal was still hot, and Armin found his mouth watering. Slipping out of the car, Armin grabbed the plastic bag and headed into the dormitory and to his dorm room, locking his car behind him.

Once inside, his roommate greeted him with a lazy hello. A head poked out from the other room, revealing a messy bedhead and tired eyes. The figure stretched his arms above his head, a game controller held tightly in the left hand.

“Hi, Jean.” Armin replied, slipping his shoes off. “What’cha playin’?”

Jean yawned, his head disappearing around the corner again. Curiously, Armin took his meal with him and stood in the threshold to Jean’s room. It was a mess, as per the norm, with clothes concealing the floor and various video games and movies strewn about the mess. “Just Call of Duty. What’d you get?” He asked, already focused on the screen before him.

“Chinese food. It’s mine, not yours.” Armin warned, returning to the main room and unpacking his meal. “Could you get me some chopsticks?” He called.

“Get your own damn chopsticks! I’m busy!” Jean responded, voice echoing into the main room. Groaning, Armin got to his feet and dug around the silverware cabinet. Unable to find a pair of chopsticks, Armin was forced to settle on a fork and knife. He disliked not following customs of different cultures, but he supposed this would have to be an exception.

Once the meal had been devoured and nothing remained, Armin threw away the styrofoam box and dug around inside the bag for the fortune cookie. Once he found the small dessert, the blonde pushed it into his pocket and tossed the bag with its styrofoam companion, heading back outside after announcing to Jean that he was going for a walk. Of course, there was no response, something that Armin had gotten used to. He sighed and closed the door behind him, leaning against the wall of the dormitory.

After resting for a few moments, Armin walked back through the hallways and back outside. The light was still unnecessarily harsh against Armin’s eyes, causing him to shield his vision once again. Once his eyes had adjusted, the boy began to explore the campus.

Armin walked for about 10 minutes until he reached the heart of Shiganshina College, where he lowered himself onto a bench in the middle of the campus. It was in front of Shiganshina’s most notable landmark: the statue of three sisters. It was something the headmaster had insisted the architects build, and ever since its creation it had been the object that defined Shiganshina.

Not willing to busy himself with thinking about the past, Armin reached into his pocket. Various students passed by him every now and then, talking amongst themselves. An occasional laugh mixed its way into the chatter, until finally Armin could no longer distinguish the different voices of each student. He opened up the plastic bag holding the fortune cookie and cracked it open. Slowly, he pulled out the slip of paper and read his fortune.

_Take a risk and grab the hand of the next stranger who passes you._

_Weird fortune_ , Armin thought, raising his head just as a boy passed him. Instinctively, his hand shot out and gripped the hand of the boy who had walked by him. He looked up at the mysterious figure, who looked incredibly confused. Armin got to his feet, mind racing with excuses and apologies. It was dumb of him to follow a piece of paper. _Idiot!_

The boy wasn’t much taller than Armin, only succeeding his height by a few inches. Armin was only 5’4”, so he assumed that this boy must be around 5’ 6”, give or take.

“Can I h-h-help you?” The boy asked in a mild German accent, removing his hand. He spoke quickly, a stutter quite obvious in his voice. Though he stuttered, the boy’s voice showed no signs of worry or fear. In fact, he came across as quite confident. Armin dropped his hand to his side and smiled apologetically.

“Sorry,” he said, raising the piece of paper. “My fortune told me to.” The boy took the piece of paper from Armin and looked at it. 

“Oh.” The stranger replied, handing the slip of paper back to the blonde. Armin took this moment to observe a little more about the newcomer. He had olive skin and wet, dark brown hair, while his eyes were a strange color, a sort of mesh between turquoise and green. One moment they would be blue, and the next the sun would hit them and his eyes would change color.

“I’m Armin,” he said abruptly, sticking his hand out. “You are?”

The boy shook Armin’s hand, his grip firm. “Eren.” He replied, his voice quick. It occurred to Armin that Eren might be self conscious about his stutter. Internally, he made a note to not bring it up.

“Nice to meet ya.” Armin said, glancing at the ground and back to Eren every few seconds. “So, are you an exchange student?”

Eren nodded and scratched his cheek. “I’m from Deu-Deutschland. N-no, wait...Germany...right?” 

It was Armin’s turn to nod. “Yeah. How’re you likin’ America so far?” Eren shrugged and fiddled with the strap on his backpack. He was surprisingly muscular, Armin noted. Perhaps he played a sport of some sort. A little more observation told Armin that the bag was a swimming one.

“It’s okay.” Eren said, voice finally slowing to a reasonable pace. “I p-prefer Deutschland though.”

The shorter boy nodded his head and rubbed his arm absent-mindedly, trying to come up with conversation until Eren proceeded to speak. “You caught me at a r-r-really bad time, though. My...uh...h-how do you say…” The brown-haired boy paused and gestured with his hands as if he were swimming breast stroke in the middle of the air, smiling sheepishly.

“Swimming.” Armin offered. Eren’s smile remained on his cheeks, which were turning red with embarrassment. He adjusted his bag a little more on his shoulder, hopping slightly as he did so.

“I still n-need to learn some w-words. Sorry.” Eren halted and looked to the side, as if he were trying to remember what he was saying. Suddenly, he clapped his hands and grinned again. “A-anyways, I have to go s-shower. We c-can hang out later though. There’s a Starbucks n-nearby.”

“Oh. Sorry! Yeah, that sounds nice.” Armin responded, standing a little straighter. “What time do you think works best for you?”

Raising his wrist, Eren checked the time. “My f-friends wanted to go out drinking tonight, so I g-guess tomorrow w-will have to work. I h-have practice from 5:00 am to 7:30 am. So...8:30?” He raised his head and locked eyes with Armin, who quickly looked away. Looking people in the eyes always intimidated Armin, making him feel vulnerable. A bit too vulnerable.

“That sounds good.” Armin agreed, rocking back and forth on his heels. “I’ll let you go shower now. See ya at 8:30, I guess.” With that, Eren strode away, leaving Armin in the distance. 

_Maybe taking a risk every now and then is worth it,_ Armin speculated, a smile spreading on his face as Eren’s silhouette disappeared.  
\---------------------------------------------------------

The wind ruffled Eren’s hair as he walked down the street, away from the blond boy. _Wow, that was... embarrassing. Wow._ Talking to his close friends and family was hard enough, but strangers? The combination of his somewhat flawed knowledge of English and his, er, speech impediment made it difficult to talk to, well, anyone. Not that he was too shy to talk to them--that was far from the truth. It was just…. a push. 

Besides, on top of that, Armin had a slight New York accent. Comprehending English was hard enough, but coupling that with a new dialect that Eren had never heard before made it nearly impossible to understand him, much less talk with the boy.

_And why did I agree to hang out with him tomorrow? Stupid, stupid, Eren. Hanging out with strangers who follow the advice of fortune cookies is an **awesome** idea. I probably won’t even go, I’d rather stay home. _

Sighing, he pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his athletic shorts. _2:12pm_. He had about an hour before he had to get to class, plenty of time to shower and maybe relax for a bit. As he turned the corner onto a side street, his apartment complex came into view. It was pretty small, a family run business, but the rooms were good and, more importantly, within Eren’s price range.

Slipping his phone back into his pocket, the brown-haired boy slipped into the lobby. “Hello, Eren! How was practice?” The housekeeper called out to him from the front counter a few yards away.

“It w-was great, th-thanks.” Wishing to avoid any further conversation, he strode up the steps, two at a time, to the second floor. His room was the first door on the right, so he quickly turned and slid his key into the lock. In one motion, he turned the key and opened the door to reveal a somewhat messy room. 

Now, Eren wasn’t the type to pile his stuff everywhere and leave soda cans and leftover food everywhere--he wasn’t a pig. However, he wasn’t exactly a clean freak, either, so his apartment had a moderate level of disarray. The kitchen was immaculately clean, however--that was the most important room in the house, bar none. 

Tossing his swim bag onto the couch, Eren rubbed his eyes and trotted into the small bathroom. Turning on the shower, he shrugged off his clothing and slipped under the stream of water. The water was still a little cold, but he didn’t mind after the walk back to his apartment. He let his head slump forward into the tile wall, streams of water running over his dark hair. 

As much as he wished he could just stay home and cook a proper lunch for himself, there wouldn’t be time before his Brit Lit class. He’d have to stop by a deli or something on the way there. It wasn’t officially fall term, yet, but Eren was only going to be in the United States for two years and he wanted to get as many classes under his belt while he was there as he could.

It was a little bit unusual for him to show this kind of motivation, and many of his friends back home would undoubtedly be surprised, but this was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. He and his parents had worked really, really hard to gather the funds for him to do this, and he wasn’t about to just waste the time sitting around and playing video games, however much he might want to. 

After he had washed the chlorine off of his body, he stepped out of the shower, dried off and got dressed in a pair of jeans, a gray tank top and a plaid shirt, left unbuttoned. His phone, which he had left sitting on the dresser, buzzed. Drying his hair with a towel, he walked over to the dresser and picked up his phone with one hand.

_To: Eren_  
From: Bertl  
Time: 2:44pm  
Message:  
We still on for tonight? Reiner wants to know how much booze to bring, though I don’t think it matters, because whatever you don’t drink, he will. 

His fingers gliding over the touchpad on his phone, Eren replied:

_To: Bertl_  
From: Eren  
Time: 2:45pm  
Message:  
ja, i’ll be there. might be a little late. tell reiner to leave some for me ;) 

A few seconds later, Bertholdt replied with “That’s fine, see you there. I’ll let him know.” Eren didn’t bother replying any more--it wasn’t really necessary. Besides, Bertholdt was always a little distant and hard to interact with.

Exhaustion from the day led him to collapse into the couch and rub his eyes. He had to leave for class soon, but….. _ugh_. After a few moments, he picked himself up and, sighing, grabbed his phone, keys and notebook. The door creaked as he slid out into the hallway and locked up. _It’s only a few hours, Eren. You can do it._

When he got out of the building, his eyes turned to the sky. There were clouds overhead, foreshadowing rain to come, and thunder rumbled in the distance. Hurrying his pace so as not to be caught in the weather, Eren walked five blocks or so to the campus of Shiganshina college. Students hurried into various buildings as raindrops starting to fall from the sky, and Eren was one of them. The English building wasn’t far from the street, so he got inside before the rain could really get him wet.

It was crowded in the small lobby of the three story building, and he quickly pushed through the throng of disgruntled college students, muttering “s-sorry,” and “excuse me” a few times. 

Annie was waiting outside the door of the lecture hall when he got there. She raised an eyebrow at his still-wet hair, her expression saying “I’m not interested” but her eyes showing curiosity. 

“I-I had swim p-practice, you know that,” he sneered, brushing past her and into the classroom. With a small chuckle, she followed him and they slid into some seats in the last row. In the corner of his vision, Eren could see his blonde friend pulling out a pair of headphones and threading them through her sweatshirt so that the professor wouldn’t see the cords. _What a slacker. I mean, I’m not that great, but she could at least try._

“Anyway, Annie,” he started, and she turned towards him with a bored look, “Are you gonna drink w-with us t- uh, t-tonight?”

“Who’s going?” She muttered, flipping her hair out of her eyes with one finger.

“Reiner, B-Bertholdt, Hist-t-toria, Ymir, me. Th-the usual.”

Annie paused, unlocked her phone and flipped through the songs for a moment before Professor Ral stepped through the door of the lecture hall. “Yeah, whatever, I’ll go,” she muttered, right before the Professor started calling out attendance. 

The two hour class seemed to last forever as Eren zoned out and stared into space, occasionally jotting down important notes. Annie had fallen asleep ten minutes into the class period, of course, so he couldn’t talk to her or share her headphones (not that she would have let him). He’d read all of the material for the course before he came to the states, so it wasn’t a big deal if he didn’t pay perfect attention.

Besides, his real interest, and the reason he was in the English program, was poetry. He would never admit it to anyone, of course, and he always said that he wanted to be a journalist to anyone who asked. In his room, however, were dozens of notebooks of original poetry that he knew he would never show to anyone. He’d be too embarrassed to let them read it, and reading it out loud, well…… his speech impediment had shot that idea in the foot.

After class, he faced the issue of whether or not to gently shake Annie awake and possibly face her wrath. This turned out not to be an issue, however, as she woke up just as he was packing up his books. “You took notes, right?” She mumbled, tossing her phone and unused notebook into a canvas bag. 

“Uh…. I d-did take _s-some_ notes.” She rolled her eyes as the words came out of his mouth and then plodded up the stairs to the door. Eren followed closely behind, trying to juggle a mess of notebooks and reading material in his arms. 

She stopped at the top of the stairs. “I’ve gotta go drop off some forms at the main office, but I’ll meet up with you guys later on.” Eren nodded as she turned away and swung out of the side exit, earphones swinging out of the back of her tote bag.

There were still about thirty minute before he was supposed to meet up with everyone, so Eren decided to drop by the Starbucks in the English building. Once he got there, he found himself unable to figure out what most of the names of the coffees meant, so he just ordered a regular cup. It was way too bitter for him, so he ended up putting in a bunch of packets of something called Splenda that was _probably_ sugar, right?

It wasn’t. In fact, since he’d put in about six or seven packets, it tasted disgusting, Crinkling his eyebrows, he tossed the cup in the garbage and headed for the door. Unfortunately, the weather had other ideas. It was pouring rain. And not just like a drizzle--it was like the wrath of god had been embodied in this rain and they were going to have to build another arc.

“ _Sheisse_!” Eren hissed. He was going to have to go through that if he wanted to get there on time. He could always call up Historia for a ride, but that would make him feel guilty, so he opted to make a mad dash to the bus stop. Tucking his notebook and textbook under his sweatshirt, Eren cautiously opened the door and then dashed out into the torrent.

It was really bad. He was soaked in less than ten seconds as he dashed towards the bus stop. The bus was supposed to arrive in two minutes, so he wouldn’t be out there for long. Once he got there, however, he saw that there was a new paper in the slot for the bus schedule. He checked it.

 _The next one comes in……. thirty minutes._ Fuck. He slid under the small awning and leaned against the pole. He didn’t want to run back into the building and get himself even more wet, but staying here for thirty minutes wasn’t exactly an awesome option, either.

After about five minutes of standing, he pulled out his phone, ready to called Historia. Before he could hit the “call” button, though, a small silver car pulled up next to the stop and the window opened. He bent down to see who was inside. _Oh, god damn it_. It was the blond-haired boy from earlier with the fortune cookie. He had almost forgotten about him.

“Oi, Eren! Do you need a ride somewhere? Did they change the bus schedule again?”

“Uh, ….yeah.” Eren answered moving as close to the car as he could without stepping out from under the awning. “I don’t want to inconvenience you, though.”

Armin grinned and unlocked the car. “It’s no big deal, I was just gonna go home and study.”

Weighing his options, Eren decided that he might as well take him up on the offer. It would be ridiculous to call Historia after this boy had already offered him a ride. And even if he was a stranger, well….. he looked like he couldn’t hurt a fly, much less take down a taller boy with muscle.

Trotting over, he slid into the passenger seat of the car. Armin switched the car into drive and moved onto the main road. “There’s, uh, there’s a towel in the back if you need one,” the blond boy gestured, keeping his eyes on the road. Grateful, Eren twisted his torso so he could grab a towel from the back seat. Once he had gotten it, he ran it over his soaked hair. 

“S-sorry for the trouble. Thanks a- a- a lot.” He muttered, running one hand through his dark hair. 

Nodding in reply, Armin asked, “So where exactly am I taking you?”

“Uh, the apartments near the yoga c-center on Charleston A-avenue.”

“Oh, yeah, I know where that is. I know someone who lives in those apartments.” He paused and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, and Eren shifted uncomfortably in his seat. _What am I doing in a car with a stranger? Not just that, someone who lives their life according to fortune cookies._

Armin continued after a few seconds. “Her name’s Ymir. She’s dating one of my good friends.”

Eren’s head snapped to the side to look at the blond boy. “W-wait, really? Th-that’s who I’m meeting.”

“You know Ymir?” The other boy’s voice was filled with surprise. “What a crazy coincidence.”

What did ‘coincidence’ mean? Eren couldn’t remember. God, how embarrassing. Should he ask? This kid didn’t seem like he would mind. “Er, s-sorry to ask, but wh-what does c-coincidence mean?”

His face lit up and he glanced towards Eren. “Oh! It means, like, something weird or strange that happens from a bunch of unconnected events.”

“Oh.” Eren turned towards the window, still embarrassed. They didn’t talk for the rest of the ride there, about five minutes. When they pulled up next to the apartments, Eren immediately jumped out. Before he could get away, however, Armin rolled down his window. 

“We’re still on for tomorrow morning, right?” He asked. _Damn, now I have to go._

“Yeah, f-for sure,” He answered, forcing a grin and then turning away. As he walked down the sidewalk to the entrance in the now mild drizzle of rain, Armin called out, “Say hello to Ymir and Historia for me, alright?”

“Okay!” He called back, rushing into the building. He trotted over to the elevator and, once he had gotten in and pushed the button for floor number eight, Eren leaned against the wall. With one hand, he rubbed his eyes. He was tired out of his mind and he had to get up early to meet with Armin tomorrow, but Reiner had really wanted him to come. _Oh, well._

Putting on a wide grin, he slipped out of the elevator, walked down the hall and knocked on Ymir’s door. Reiner answered. He had a flower crown made out of fake daisies on his head.

“Ay, Eren! I thought you’d never get here, dude.” He plopped a flower crown on the brown-haired boy’s head. “This is gonna be one hell of a night.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, you can ask questions about the fic setting, characters, etc. or track updates through my writing blog, [www.ywinters.tumblr.com](http://www.ywinters.tumblr.com).

At around 6:00 the next day, Armin had forced himself out of bed. He had been unable to sleep the night before, but had grown accustomed to his many sleepless nights. _Thanks, insomnia_. Rubbing at his eyes, Armin walked to his curtains and shoved them aside, the early morning light filtering lazily into his room. 

Armin loved decorating, but he also preferred keeping it clean and orderly. Of course, this was a very fine balance that was almost always destroyed the instant after he cleaned everything up. This problem was partially due to the absurd amount of posters he had, featuring bands and movies he enjoyed, with a few video game prints decorating the wall, occasionally overlapping its companions. As such, a ripped up poster was found on the ground every now and then, torn corners and faded text.

Slowly, Armin shuffled his way to his clothing drawers. He found himself staring at the neatly folded shirts, the colors blurring together. Armin shook his head viciously and slapped himself on the face to wake himself up, grabbing a t-shirt featuring a quote from a show he watched. Closing the drawer, Armin looked through his pants drawer, grabbing a pair of jeans. Satisfied with his clothing choice, he made his way to the bathroom and threw his items on the ground, turning on the shower. 

While the water heated up, Armin busied himself with splashing some cold water on his face in an attempt to wake himself up some more. _Starbucks was a good idea_. He proceeded to undress and hop into the shower. Armin had never really taken long showers, so as soon as he had finished washing himself, he turned the water off and proceeded to get ready for his day, towel on his head.

Besides, if Armin took too long of a shower, the water would get cold. And then Jean would whine about the water not being hot enough. That was not the way Armin wanted to start his day -- listening to his roommate complain about first getting one-hit-killed in Call of Duty and then complaining about the shower being too cold.

After Armin had blown dried his hair, he checked the time on his phone. 6:30. He still had two hours before he had to meet Eren, and besides, the Starbucks was only a few minutes walk away. Now it was just a matter of thinking what to do while he sat around. After much contemplation, Armin decided on waking the sleeping beast and playing a video game of some sort with him. 

Armin pattered his way to Jean’s bedroom and knocked lightly. At first there was no response, but upon pressing his ear to the door, Armin could make out a groan, growing in volume. Grinning, Armin threw open the door and strode into the room, flinging the blinds open.

The blankets shivered lightly as Jean groaned again, rolling onto his stomach and shoving his face into the pillow. “God damnit, Armin! I’ve told you not to wake me up!”

“Early bird gets the worm. Besides, I want to play a video game.” Armin reasoned, tapping his foot.

“At 4 in the morning? I’m so tired! I went to bed at like...I don’t know, 1 am,” Jean’s muffled voice came from his green pillow.

“Sucks for you. I only got like an hour of sleep last night anyway.” Armin declared, walking over to the bed and throwing the covers off of him. “Up and at ‘em, you giant nerd!”

“You’re the one with the straight As,” Jean replied, trying to punch Armin in his side. At the last moment, the blonde moved away, still grinning ridiculously. “Get the Wii on.”

Satisfied, Armin bent in front of the TV and flipped it on, proceeding to press the Wii’s “ON” button. After a few moments, the Nintendo logo appeared on the screen, followed by a menu. “What game?” Armin asked, turning his head to look at his exhausted roommate. Jean grumbled something incoherently. “Speak up.”

“Let’s just play fucking….Mario Kart or something. I don’t know. It’s too early for this.” Armin rolled his eyes and turned on two remotes, tossing one to Jean. Slowly, Jean grabbed the remote and sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “I get to be Player 1.”

“I gave you the Player 1 remote.” Armin replied, sitting down in a beanbag chair. There wasn’t lots of space in the small room, but the two of them had made it work by sharing the beanbag chair. 

“Yeah, whatever. Just so you know, I haven’t played Mario Kart in at least an eternity.” As Jean spoke, he set up the game, hitting random for the course settings. In a few moments, a cartoon track appeared before them, with various characters from the Mario series sitting in the small little go-karts and bikes.

“I only play when you invite me to play it, so I guess that makes two of us,” Armin said. Just as he finished his sentence, a large “GO!” appeared on the screen, and with that the two boys proceeded to play many rounds of Mario Kart.

By the time it was 8:20, Jean and Armin had kept track of who had won the most between the two of them. Overall, the tally looked like: Jean, 4 and Armin, 3. So that was...what, 7 Grand Prix’s completed? With four courses a piece? 

Armin shook the thought away and threw down his remote. “You win again. I have to go though, so thanks for letting me play.”

Jean yawned, putting a hand to his mouth as he did so. “I’m going back to bed. I actually hate you.” With that, Armin’s friend got to his feet and wriggled his way back under the covers. While Jean made himself comfortable, Armin closed the blinds again and headed out of the room, closing the door tightly behind him.

Armin laced on his shoes and grabbed a key on the counter, leaving the dormitory to make his way down to the Starbucks. In a few minutes, the blonde had arrived. Eyes scanning the restaurant’s residents, he spotted Eren, who was sitting in the back corner. _Oh shoot, did I make him wait?_ Armin slowly walked over to the olive skinned boy, who was entertaining himself with a pair of earbuds, phone in hand. 

“Hi,” Armin said, tapping Eren on the hand as he sat down. Startled, the other boy took out an earbud with one swift motion, exhaling when he recognized Armin. He gingerly removed the other earbud from his ear, pausing his music and returning his phone to its pocket.

“Hello.” Eren returned, putting his hands in his lap. 

“Sleep well?” Armin inquired, resting his head on one of his palms, doing his best not to feel intimidated. In response, Eren shrugged. “Do you want something to drink?” Again, Eren shrugged. “Oh come on, it’ll be my treat.”

The other boy sighed and got to his feet. “O-okay.” Satisfied with Eren’s response, Armin retrieved his wallet and walked up to the counter, a slight bounce in his saunter.

“I’ll get some Ceylon tea, please.” Armin stated, already beginning to pull out some money for the drinks. He paused, waiting for Eren’s order. A few moments of an uncomfortable silence hung between the three of them. Curiously, Armin glanced at Eren from the side of his eyes. Eren was staring at the menu above them, brows furrowed together with a strange intensity. He was gnawing at his lower lip.

“Coffee, p-please.” Eren finally said, looking around them uncomfortably. A pang of guilt stung the bottom of Armin’s stomach. Did he accidentally thrust Eren into an uncomfortable position? Way to be insensitive. The barista nodded and after the drinks were paid for, went back to make the tea and coffee. 

In a few minutes, the two steaming drinks were prepared, each one called out by name as they were finished. The two boys went back to their tables, Eren placing the coffee in front of him. Armin took the lid off of his tea, permitting it to cool down. Once its temperature was suitable, he took a sip.

“Is your drink good?” Armin asked, gesturing to the untouched cup of coffee. 

“I d-don’t really like c-c-coffee.” Eren responded numbly, a scowl set on his face. It occurred to Armin that must have been why he was glaring at the menu -- perhaps because he couldn’t read the names of the drinks.

“God, I’m really sorry!” Armin blurted out, fixing his view on the coffee. “I should’ve known, I’m really sorry. Is there something I can do to make up for it? I can get you another drink maybe? Sorry.”

“Um.” Eren said, looking at Armin with a surprised gaze. “It’s f-fine. Really.”

“Are you sure? I mean, Starbucks has good drinks...I can help you with the names or something? Let you know what’s good and what’s not? I’m sorry.” By this time, the word sorry became mechanical, almost second nature to Armin. “One of my favorite drinks is their Hazelnut Macchiato. Their White Chocolate Mocha is pretty good, too.”

“I’ll keep t-that in mind n-next time I come here.” Eren reasoned, his shocked expression turning to a soft smile. A weight left Armin’s shoulders almost instantly. He exhaled quickly.

“Okay.” 

The same strange silence settled over the duo, each one staring at their drinks. “Do you c-come here o-o-often?” Eren finally asked, leaning back into his chair.

Armin chuckled sheepishly, tugging at the sleeve of his t-shirt. “I’m an insomniac, so I live off of coffee.” He proceeded to take another sip of his tea, still hot.

“That sucks.” Eren commented, one leg jostling lightly. 

“Yeah, but you get used to it.” Armin asserted, raising the drink back to his lips and placing it at his side once again. “How are you getting accustomed to America?”

“It’s r-really not that d-different.” Eren mused, tugging at a lock of his hair

“Okay….then what do you like to do in your spare time?” Armin pressed, pointing a finger at the other boy. Eren opened his mouth but promptly closed it, taking more time to think. He made a gesture with his hands, as if he were holding something. Armin looked at him perplexedly.

“How d-do you…? _Telespiel?_ L-like, a game on your c-computer.” Eren explained frantically, searching for the right word.

“They’re just called video games. So you’re a gamer, eh? You and my roommate would get along great!” Armin exclaimed, leaning back into his seat.

Eren raised an eyebrow. “G-go on.” He said, leaning forward. Armin smiled.

“His name’s Jean and he does absolutely nothing but play Call of Duty and Skyrim.” Armin put a finger to his chin, thinking of other video game titles Jean loved to play, but found himself unable to come up with any other games. Eren’s face wrinkled with disgust. “What?”

“Those games a-are r-r-really, really bad. T-terrible.” The dark-haired boy crossed his arms over his chest.

“Then what do you like to play?” Armin asked exasperatedly.

“ _Fire Emblem._ ” Eren announced, pride thick in his voice. He grinned, as if reminiscing.

“Isn’t that a strategy game?” The blonde inquired, crossing and uncrossing his legs. Eren nodded eagerly, eyes lighting up. As Eren explained the basic plotline of one of many _Fire Emblem_ games, Armin did his best to focus on what he was saying. Unfortunately, video games never really were an area of interest for him, so he just made sure to nod when necessary. Instead, Armin allowed himself to make more observations about Eren.

The tension from earlier seemed to almost be entirely gone, and Eren got passionate very easily, it seemed. Though he stuttered more, his words were also carefully articulated, something Armin found interesting especially because of Eren’s German accent. This carried on for a few moments until every single _Fire Emblem_ game had been covered, and Eren was out of conversation topics.

“Say, you should come over sometime later today and meet my roommate, even if you don’t like his games. I’m pretty sure you two will get along,” Armin offered, slowly getting to his feet. Eren’s expression changed instantly to one of apprehension.

“M-maybe.” He mused, rubbing his arm and standing up. The duo made their way to a trash can, tossing the cups away.

“Oh, and I’d like to apologize for the fortune thing yesterday. I usually don’t act so dumb.” Armin said, biting his lip slightly.

“It’s alright.” Eren said, checking his watch for the time again. “I h-have to go. Nice meeting you, A-A-Armin.”

“You too.” Armin said, meeting Eren’s smile with a beam of his own. “Our dormitory number is 692, so drop by whenever.” 

Eren paused and nodded, already turning to leave. Armin waved and headed down to the dorm room once again, mind swimming with thoughts about his newfound friend.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------

“Four more laps, breaststroke! You’re not leaving until those are done, let’s go!” Coach Shadis’s voice was so loud that it could be heard even under the water as Eren hit the wall in freestyle and then turned to start a new lap in breaststroke. _My worst stroke_. He had focused primarily on his backstroke while on the swim team at home, and had won a few awards. But breaststroke….. it wasn’t powerful enough for him.

As he finished the first lap, he heard Shadis’ yell out, “Hey, Jaeger, get your ass in gear! You’re a half a lap behind everyone else!” 

Bitterly, Eren made an effort to go faster. It wasn’t like he wasn’t trying, he really was. He had just never felt like breaststroke fit him. He liked long strokes that shoved their way through the water.

Eventually, he finished his laps and clambered out of the pool a few seconds after everyone else. Before he could start towards the changing room, Shadis stopped him by stepping in front of him. “You’re behind everyone else, Eren.. If you can’t improve your time by five seconds by prelims, your place on the team will be in question, as well as in the entire exchange program. Remember why you’re here in the States and get the crap out of your head.”

“Okay, I- I’ll b-bring up my t-time,” Eren muttered, trying not to let himself get too angry. He had to make this work. He had to stay in this program. Shoving past Shadis, he grabbed his towel off of the bench and headed into the locker room.

“Oh, and,” Shadis called after him, “Fix that damn lisp, it’s annoying.”

Eren felt anger boil inside of him and stopped in the middle of the hallway, tempted to turn around and give the coach a what for. With a lot of willpower, however, he forced himself to keep walking, throw down his bag and step into the showers. All of the other boys had either left or were changing in a different area. Usually, Eren would have gone home to shower, but….. he didn’t feel like going home and seething just yet.

_How dare he?! He- he has no right to speak to me about my-_ Eren slammed his fist into the tile wall and squeezed his eyes shut tight. _Ugh, fick ihn. Arschloch_. He quickly washed his hair and then dried off and threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, then went out the back exit. There was no way he was facing Shadis again.

Once he got onto the street, he didn’t know what to do. If he went home, the only thing that was likely to occur was sulking and angry throwing of his possessions, so that wasn’t a good idea. Ymir’s apartment was always an option, but she and Historia might, uh, be there, and he didn’t want to walk in on them or anything.

Leaning up against the brick wall of the outside of some bakery, Eren pulled out his phone. No messages. He typed in the passcode and then opened his texts and wrote a new one.

_To: Bertl_  
From: Eren  
Time: 8:43am  
Message:  
Hi, do you want to go out for breakfast? swim practice ended. 

He had barely sent his message when a reply arrived with a “beep beep.”

_To: Eren_  
From: Bertl  
Time: 8:43am  
Message:  
Sorry, I’ve got class in five minutes. Maybe some other time. 

With a sigh, Eren put away his phone. The only other real options were Annie or Reiner. Annie was definitely sleeping and would absolutely _slaughter_ him if he woke her up. Reiner had mentioned at Ymir’s a few days ago that he was going camping with his family this weekend, so he obviously wasn’t around. Eren resigned himself to going home.

The moment he stepped onto his street, however, something occurred to him. _That guy Armin. The 600s Dormitories aren’t far from here._ Throwing his bag over the opposite shoulder, he turned and walked back towards campus. Was it worth it? Obviously, the dude wasn’t as weird as he had originally thought, and he was actually kind of nice. Truth be told, though, Eren was really doing this because of that kid Jean. Maybe he’d be home to play a videogame with him, even if he did play really shitty games.

After around five minutes of walking, he arrived at the building with dormitories in the 500s and 600s. The lobby was pretty empty when he got there, with a couple students playing air hockey in the corner. Turning away, Eren ran one hand through his hair and hopped up the stairs to the third floor. Number 692 was all the way on the end of the hallway. 

Pausing for a moment, he held his hand in front of the door in a closed fist. _Should I? Is it weird to just drop by?_ Suddenly, the door swung open, knocking him backwards and hitting him in the arm. Once he had regained his balance, he looked into the dormitory. Standing in the doorway was a taller boy with two-toned hair and an “Aperture Laboratories” shirt. He obviously hadn’t noticed Eren, since he was looking back into his dorm and yelling something.

_So, this is Shitty-Taste-In-Games_. “H-hey, you’re J-Jean, right?” Eren stepped forward and spoke, raising an eyebrow. The other boy turned around.

“Uh…. yeah.” He scratched his head and wrinkled his nose a little bit. “Um, who are you?”

Right away, Eren felt dislike breeding in his heart for the college student in front of him. He shifted his bag on his shoulder. “I’m E-Eren. Armin t-told me about you.” Shifting in annoyance, he tried to look over Jean’s shoulder. “Sp-speaking of wh-which, i-is Armin here?”

Jean stepped out of the door and held it open for Eren. “Yeah, he’s in the bathroom blow-drying his hair or some shit. Just go on in, but don’t touch any of my stuff.” The brown-haired boy slipped inside of the dorm and closed the door behind him as Jean left. _There goes my chance of entertainment--might as well talk to Armin._

Unsure of what to do while waiting for Armin, he cautiously sat down on a fold out chair sitting in front of a small desk. It was a pretty big dorm, as dorms went. _This must be one of the more expensive dorms._ There were two rooms and a bathroom, from what Eren could tell. The main room was, apparently, Armin’s room, since he doubted that someone like Jean would keep their room this clean. Through the crack in a door a few feet away, a messy disaster could be seen with video game controllers strewn over dirty clothing.

_Ugh, he’s disgusting_ , Eren thought, shaking his head a little. While he was lost in thought, Armin burst out of the bathroom, hair dryer in hand. He was humming a song Eren recognized but couldn’t name. Something by…. Panic in the club? Was that it? Upon seeing the brown-haired boy, Armin stumbled back into the bookshelf.

“Oh my god, Eren, you scared me!” His eyes were wide with shock and he clutched his chest, chuckling. “Did Jean let you in?”

Nodding, Eren let his bag fall onto the floor and gulped. Armin looked down at the floor for a moment and then walked over to the dresser, putting away his hair dryer. “So, Eren!” Armin looked up, a smile spreading across his face, “I realized the other day that I never got your number.”

“Oh,” Eren answered, scratching his shoulder while the blond-boy pulled out an iPhone with a light blue case. “It’s xxx-xxx-xxxx.”

Grinning, Armin typed in the number. “Thanks, I’ll add you to my contacts. E-R-E-N, right?”

Shifting so that his body was facing towards the other boy, Eren’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! Y-you are the first to g-get it correct.”

“Well,” Armin admitted, bashfully, “I, uh, actually asked Historia about it. I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

Laughing, Eren leaned back in the chair. “Th-That’s nice of y-you. I a-appreciate it.” 

An awkward silence ensued for a second before Armin, fussing with his fingernails, asked, “So, um, what do you want to do? I don’t have anything planned until three.”

“Um,” the brown-haired boy flipped the hair out of his face and set his phone down on the desk. “We could play a-- wh-what are they c-called again?” He motioned with his hands like he was pressing the buttons on a controller. Armin’s eyes showed confusion and then realization, after a few seconds.

“Oh, yeah! We can definitely play a video game.” He motioned to the slightly-open door. “The TV is in Jean’s room, though, so I hope you can stand the mess.”

Eren stood up and stretched his arm behind his back, a smile spreading across his face as he stepped over to the door. “Yeah, o-okay, but you sh-should t-tell him t-t-to clean.”

“I do, all the time!” The other boy retorted, a blush spreading across his face that Eren didn’t see.

Looking down at the games on the floor around him, the tall boy bent down and grabbed a game called Borderlands 2. _I’ve heard good things about this one. I mean, if Jean is playing it it probably isn’t that good, but….._ “Wh-what about th-this one?”

He looked over his shoulder at Armin, who was shifting uncomfortably in the doorway. “Er,” he began, biting his lip, “I’m not… I mean, I-” He stopped and then started again. “The graphics in that game make me a little nauseous, to be completely honest. Could we play something else? Maybe a Wii game like bowling?”

Eren tried not to let his face fall. The default Wii games were a little boring, but he’d have to deal. After all, this was Armin’s dorm and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. “O-Okay!” He replied, turning on the Wii.

They played a few rounds of Wii bowling in the dark room and then moved on to Tennis, which Armin turned out to be really good at. _I. Am. So. Bored._ Eren thought to himself, then decided to make some conversation besides “s-suck it!” and “d-damn, you b-beat my score” with the blond-boy.

“S-so,” Eren began, “Your roommate, J-Jean. Is he a-always like th-that?”

“Oh, yeah,” Armin replied, “but you get used to it. He seems like a jerk, but he’s just a really introverted person.”

Swallowing his spit and then swinging at the virtual ball, Eren waited a moment and then continued. “S-seems like k-kind of a slob.”

His eyes still focused on the screen, he heard Armin laugh out loud. “Yeah, sometimes. He keeps his messes in his space, though, so I don’t really mind.”

Unsure of what else to say, Eren asked, “So, uh, Armin, d-do you have a g-girlfriend?”

For a few seconds, Armin stopped responding to the game and the brown-haired boy looked over at him. He looked extremely uncomfortable and was pressing his palms into the mattress behind him. “No, definitely not,” he finally replied, smiling slightly.

“O-okay.” Eren answered, shrugging and turning back to the game. There was something that his friend (if he could call him that, yet) wasn’t telling him, but they weren’t on close terms, really, and he didn’t think it was necessary to push him for information. “Hey, a-are you even p-playing anymore?” He joked, trying to ease the tension and jabbing Armin in the ribcage with his elbow.

“Watch it, that hurt!” The boy cried out, chuckling and grabbing his controller. “You’re going down.”

“B-Big words.” He replied and leaned towards the screen, narrowing his eyes at the screen. The shadows faded around his eyes into the light of the screen and he focused in. “T-time to show you what I-I-I can d-do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren is a Video Game Elitist.
> 
> Once again, let us know if you liked the chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for this chapter: panic attacks. be warned.
> 
> Also, a note from Nikki and I: Eren's lisp doesn't go away. Ever. Sorry if that makes you "uncomfortable" or makes the story hard to read, but it's gonna stick around. We aren't writing this story for you and I frankly could care less whether his lisp annoys you or not. His speech impediment is a part of his character, and y'all need to accept it.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and once again if you have any questions or want to be notified of updates, head over to [my writing blog](http://ywinters.tumblr.com).

A week and a few days had passed, or so it seemed. Eren had become a regular visitor to Jean and Armin’s dorm room, dropping by whenever he needed study help or if he just wanted to play video games. 

Though it took a few days, the German had even managed to befriend Jean, sparking a rivalry between the two when Eren became the first person to beat Jean at Mario Kart. If Armin recalled correctly, the final score had been something like: Eren, 6, Jean, 3, Armin, 0. 

Because of Eren’s beating Jean, Mario Kart became the go-to game when everyone was bored. Every now and then Armin would join in, but most of the time he would lay down in his bed, reading a book and enjoying quiet time. _The term quiet time is a stretch,_ Armin thought dryly. Eren and Jean were anything but quiet. Screaming and cursing became common in room 692, complete with Eren’s occasional German swear. 

Thankfully, Armin was adaptable and over time became used to the expletives frequently thrown about the room. Of course, it wasn’t like he was unused to cursing, he just thought it unnecessary. Rapping his knuckles against the table, Armin looked up from his book to the closed door of Jean’s room, where Eren and Jean were currently sitting, screaming at one another in incredibly shrill voices. Sighing, Armin slid the bookmark into his book and closed it, patting the cover gently as if to say, “I’ll be back soon.” 

Armin walked over to the door and opened it, shedding light onto the television scream. Instantly, both Jean and Eren started shouting at Armin to close the door, whining that they couldn’t see the television screen.

“In the words of Panic! at the Disco, CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOOR.” Jean shrieked, trying to keep his character on the road. Armin instantly recognized the course as the infamous Rainbow Road, and chuckled to himself, slipping into the room and closing the door behind him.

“Sorry, sorry,” Armin instantly apologized, waving his hands in defense. “I thought I might join you guys.” Eren was sticking his tongue out, brows furrowed together with his standard “I’m focusing” expression. The blonde walked over to Eren’s other side. “Scoot over.”

Eren glanced at Armin from the side of his eyes, instantly turning his gaze back towards the television screen, moving over ever so slightly. Scoffing, Armin plopped himself down besides Eren on the beanbag chair. The three people’s weights had caused the beanbag to shift slightly, making Jean perch on the end of the beanbag uncomfortably.

“I was comfortable,” Jean whined, still unable to look at Armin. Eren still hadn’t said anything, staring at the screen with such a look that Armin worried his eyes would pop out of his head.

Then Eren’s character fell off the side of the road and Eren kicked his legs furiously. “ _VERDAMMTE SCHEISSE_ ,” he yowled, raising his arm as if to hurl his remote at the television. Both Jean and Armin jumped, causing Jean’s own kart to swivel off the road.

“Wow, fuck you, Eren!” Jean screeched, punching him in the arm. Eren turned his head to look at Jean, glowering at him.

“Guys…” Armin said meekly, “It’s just a ga--”

“No. It’s not just a game.” Jean hissed, biting his lip. Then Eren drove his kart across the finish line, marking him first, as per the norm.

Exhaling, Eren threw his remote on the ground. “H-hi, Armin,” he finally said, turning to look at the newcomer. Something swelled inside of Armin’s chest, and he couldn’t help but grin.

“What’s the score so far?” Armin inquired, reaching to his side for the bag of Doritos Jean had in the room. Eren reached into the bag for a handful of chips.

“I d-don’t know,” he lied, sneering and turning to look at Jean. “Jean? W-what’s the s-score?” 

“Go fuck yourself.” Jean replied, driving his own character across the finish line.

“It’s 4-0.” Eren boasted, sticking his chin into the air. “I’m i-in the lead, of c-course.” 

Armin whistled, not really surprised whatsoever. “Nice going, Eren.” Without responding, Eren turned to Jean, throwing an arm around him and giving him a noogie.

“You hear t-that? I’m in t-t-the lead. Not you, m-me!” He teased, causing Jean to try and bite at Eren’s hand. “Oi, w-watch it, _pferd g-gesicht_!”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Jean snarled, finally breaking out of Eren’s grip. Armin stared at the two of them, unsure if the two boys even realized he was still there.

“Horseface.” Eren leered, jabbing at Jean’s cheekbones. Jean narrowed his eyes at Eren, but grinned nonetheless at his friend. Something more dark gnawed at the bottom of Armin’s chest, but he couldn’t quite place his finger on what it was.

Was it fear of being ostracized? Was it anger? Was it loneliness? No, Armin speculated, when suddenly he realized what he was feeling. Jealousy. _Ugh, really_?

His two friends continued with their banter while Armin busied himself with staring at his socks, the feeling in his chest growing more and more. What was he jealous of, exactly? And why? Granted, Armin had almost always been lonely, something his high school bullies had made sure of. Perhaps it was just jealousy that the two were paying attention to one another rather than him, however selfish that seemed. Suddenly, his name cut like a knife through his thoughts, causing him to raise his head in surprise.

“Armin? Y-you okay?” Eren inquired, putting a hand on the smaller boy’s shoulder. Instantly the bad feeling left Armin’s chest. Jean leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees.

“You seem kinda upset,” Jean mused, looking at Armin with concern. Armin shrugged his shoulders and tucked a piece of hair behind his ears.

“I didn’t sleep well,” he lied, stretching his legs in front of him. “Can I join your game of Mario Kart?”

“Yeah, g-get him a remote, _pferd gesicht,_ ” Eren said, looking at Jean. Jean scowled, but got up and retrieved a third remote for Armin, tossing it to him. 

After Armin had selected a character and was now part of the game, Jean and Eren’s insults began once more. Because Armin was only mediocre at Mario Kart, none of the retorts were directed his way. He was fine with that, but again the terrible feeling returned to his stomach. 

_What is up?_

Again his character fell off of the road, but Armin barely even noticed as he tried to sort out his own feelings. It was when Jean threw an arm around Eren in a gesture of friendship that he noticed what was up.

_Oh, no. This is not good. No, Armin, you’ve only known him for a week. You promised yourself you wouldn’t go falling for guys again. Not after what happened in high school. Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop._

Unable to think clearly, Armin muttered something that resembled an ‘excuse me’ and put his remote on the ground, not even bothering to finish the race. He ignored Eren and Jean’s looks of concern, closing the door behind him and crawling into his bed and under the covers.

_You might be gay, but that doesn’t mean Eren is. What if Eren finds out and starts to hate you, just like he did? No no no. You have to stop this before it gets worse. Just s t o p._

Armin put his head in his hands and focused on his breathing, feeling the beginnings of a panic attack coming on. He screwed his eyes shut and shoved his palms against his ears, trying to block out the sound of his own thoughts as he struggled to breathe properly.

_Oh God, I’m gonna die. No, focus on your breathing. Help. You’re fine. It’s just another panic attack. Please help me oh my god please someone help me._

Paralyzed with fear, Armin laid there for many minutes, trying to breathe properly and calm himself down until he was finally able to move his legs, slowly unraveling his body until he was lying back on his side, staring at the wall. _This is going to turn out just like last time. I shouldn’t have done what that stupid fortune cookie instructed me to do._

Exhausted, Armin refused to allow his mind to dwell on his high school memories. Hardly any of them were fond, and most of the time he ended up having a panic attack anyways. And with Jean and Eren in the other room, he didn’t want to go blubbering on and on about how useless, how fucking useless he always felt, and how scared he was that Eren would hate him. It had taken enough guts to tell Jean that he was gay.

But the idea of telling the brown haired boy that he was gay was too much to bear, especially now that Armin had to battle himself over the idea that he had a crush on Eren. He hated it. He didn’t want to like a guy. Everyone else thought it was wrong, hell, even a part of Armin still thought it was bad. But he couldn’t deny who he was, and so he had promised himself not to fall in love.

But here he was, unable to think of anything else but Eren and the boy from high school, terrified that history would repeat itself once again.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
Eren knew that something was Not Right the moment that he felt burning sunlight hit his face. It wasn’t like the sun had risen and slowly woken him up, not at all. There had been darkness, and then there was light. Sudden.

“Wake up. I need your notes.” Annie’s voice. Slowly blinking open his eyes, Eren covered his forehead with one hand to block some of the light. She was standing over the couch, her hand on the cord of the blinds. _Of-fucking-course._

With a groan, Eren sat up and threw the blanket off of his overheated body. He had stayed at Ymir’s late last night, and now he had a huge fucking hangover. 

“Dude, answer my question. How hungover even are you?” The blonde girl let go of the string on the blinds and stood back, trying to look at her friend currently slouching on the couch. When he didn’t answer and instead flopped his head back onto the couch, pressing his palm against his forehead, she shook her head in annoyance and muttered, “I’ll get you an Ibuprofen.”

Once the haze of sleep had fallen away slightly, Eren made an effort to sit up straight. Still a little groggy, he grabbed his phone off of the table. Three texts and a phone call from Annie, of course. He didn’t bother opening those. One text from Jean. Sliding his finger across the screen and typing in his passcode, Eren navigated to the messaging application to read it.

_To: Eren_  
From: Arschloch  
Time: 7:05am  
Message:  
you left your socks at the dorm. and your jacket. it stinks. come get it or i’m turning it into a plush replica of your ugly face and hanging it on your doorknob for everyone to see. i’ll be at the dorm all day. 

A small chuckle escaping his throat, he started to type a reply. Right at that moment, however, Annie came in and plopped a couple pills and a glass of water in front of him. “Take them and then give me your notes. I’ve got a test in two hours.”

“W-wait, why do I-I have to g-give you my notes?” Bitterly, Eren gulped down the pills and then sneered, not caring about what consequences he might await from Annie. “T-take notes and d-don’t rely on me.”

Annie leaned in and shoved her palm into the couch next to Eren. “Notes. Now.”

“Alright, a-alright,” He muttered, not about to admit that he was more than a little afraid of her. Trodding across the room in the jeans he was wearing last night and a wrinkled Fall Out Boy shirt, Eren quickly unzipped his bag and handed a blue notebook to the glaring blonde girl. “Here you g-go. Now, leave, I w-want to s-sleep.”

A satisfied expression floating across her face, Annie snatched the notebook out of his hands and grabbed the doorknob. “Later, Eren. Don’t drink so much next time.”

“Yeah, wh-whatever,” He snapped back, but she was already gone. Frustrated, he tried to get back to sleep, but his headache had other ideas. _Ugh, Annie was right. This is **so** not worth it._

Pain splitting his forehead into what he imagined were diamond-shaped chunks of agony, Eren forced himself to sit up and drink more of the water. It slid down his dry-throat uncomfortably and he felt himself grimacing. _I want to throw up_. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. 

Unable to think of anything else to do, the brown-haired boy forced himself to his feet and walked over to the small wall closet, pulling out a fresh shirt and a pair of plaid shorts. With a pounding in his head that he was trying _so goddamn hard_ to ignore, Eren slipped on the clothes and then stepped over to the table to grab his phone. 

He might as well drop by Jean’s dorm and grab his stuff, he had nothing to do. Maybe they’d be able to fit in a game or two. Looking at the message on screen, he suddenly had no energy to reply. Whatever, Jean had said he would be there all day. Eren didn’t have to worry.

The morning sunlight streamed through the window, irritating his eyes. To avoid it, he stepped into the small kitchen and pulled out a frying pan. He didn’t have much time to make his own food these days, which was a shame because he was actually a pretty decent cook. 

Cracking eggs into a bowl, he reached into his small spice drawer. At home, he had a lot more material for making food. The limited space in this apartment, however, made it a little difficult to keep a lot of cooking supplies around. He shook some sugar and another mix of sweet seasonings that he had prepared a few weeks ago into the bowl of eggs and then whipped them. In a separate bowl, he whisked together flour and a bunch of other ingredients.

Eventually, he poured the batter into the pan and turned up the heat. The pancakes took only a few minutes to cook after he flipped them over. Soon, he sat down at the table and ate, trying to forget the streaks of pain shooting through his head. _Never again,_ he thought regretfully, checking the time on his phone. _7:49am_. Jean was obviously up, since he had texted him. It would be safe to head over.

Quickly washing his dishes, Eren stuffed his phone into his back pocket, grabbed his keys off of the hook and headed out. The housekeeper called out to him as he left and he waved to acknowledge her, not wanting to stop and have a conversation. This hangover had already put him in a bad enough mood--he didn’t want to talk to her about the increase in rent just yet. He had heard other people living in the apartments talking about it, so he assumed that was what she wanted.

The five minute walk to Jean and Armin’s dorm had never seemed longer. With the sun pounding down on his head and the overwhelming nausea, Eren was pretty sure this was gonna be a shitty day.

By the time he reached room 692, Eren was covered in sweat. He knocked, and Jean opened the door after a few seconds, his hair rumbled. 

 

“Wow, are you that out of shape? Jesus christ, go to the gym sometime, Jaeger,” he teased, letting the other boy in. Brushing past him, Eren sneered.

“I’m h-hungover, _drecksack_. Wh-where is my shit?” He hissed and leaned against the bedpost of Armin’s bed. The blond was nowhere to be found.

“First of all: I have no idea what that word means. Second of all: Your stuff is sitting on the table in my room. Third: Why are you being such an asshole?” Looking pissed off, Jean crossed one arm over the other and closed the door by leaning back into it. “And,” he continued, noticing the brown-haired boy starting to move towards his room, “I’m not letting you leave until you answer my fucking question.”

Eren groaned and ran one hand through his brunet locks. “Ugh, I t-told you I-I’m hungover, _pferd f-ficker_.”

“What, so one day you say I’m a horse and the next I’m fucking horses?! Whatever, just get your stuff. I don’t care.” Flinging one hand towards his open room door, he shook his head and bitterly turned away. Feeling a little bit bad about lashing out at him, Eren stepped into the other boy’s room and grabbed his stuff off of the small bedside table. Once he exited the room, he stopped in front of Jean.

“Uh, I’m s-sorry. M-my head just h-hurtsa’ lot.” Jean didn’t look up at him but nodded. _Is he still mad at me?_ Eren wondered to himself. He grabbed Jean’s shoulder gently. “A-are we g-good?”

Looking over at Eren’s hand on his shoulder and then up at the brown-haired boy, Jean shrugged away the hand and turned towards Armin’s bed. “Uh, yeah sure. Bye, or whatever.”

Looking around the dimly-lit room, Eren pursed his lips. His friend was obviously still a little hurt, he could tell. This wouldn’t normally have bothered him, but now it did. “H-hey, if you’re not d-doing any-th-thing, I could st-stay and play a game.”

Turning around, Jean raised an eyebrow and grinned. “I won’t let you beat me, I hope you know that, Jaeger.”

Smirking, Eren set down his stuff on the desk and headed into the other boy’s room. “D-don’t be so sure a-about that.”

Jean plopped himself down on the mattress and tossed a Wii remote to Eren. “Oh, I’m sure.”

As the words exited his mouth and he stared at the TV, clicking into the game, the brown-haired boy found himself staring. What was it that was different about him? Not a haircut, or anything else, really. Still, Eren couldn’t help but study the way his jaw shifted when he was determined or feeling strong emotion.

 _He’s kinda hot, isn’t he?_ As soon as Eren thought it, he tried to regret it--but he couldn’t. It was the truth, wasn’t it? And it wasn’t actually surprising--Eren had known he was bi since ninth grade, when he caught himself checking out a boy on the football team. What was weirdest about this was the fact that he found _this asshole_ attractive. After all, he’d called him a “ _pferd gesicht_ ” enough times that he should believe it.

“M-maybe I just th-think horses are hot,” he said out loud, unintentionally. Luckily, the game music had turned on so his statement was somewhat muted.

“Speak up, shitface, I can’t hear you,” Jean muttered, turning to Eren. _Oh god, I have to cover up._

“J-Just talking t-to m-myself,” the brown-haired boy retorted, a small smirk ghosting over his mouth. Jean, in response, shook his head and made a “you’re crazy” motion by spiraling around his ear with one finger. Of course, Eren couldn’t help but laugh.

After a few sets of games, all of which Eren had won, Jean tossed his controller towards the door and flopped back on the mattress. “What h-happened to beating m-me, Kirschtein?”

“Aw, shut it.”

“Or what?” Eren chided, slugging Jean in the arm. The taller boy shot up and sent a sideways glare at his friend.

“Or I’ll kiss you and transfer the virgin curse of a Kirschtein onto you. God, if I could get laid I wouldn’t have to hang out with you all the goddamn time.” Kicking the controller away with his foot, Jean rubbed his face with one hand. Eren shifted. Was he serious? _Gott, I hope he’s serious._

Silence ensued for a few moments as Jean pressed the buttons of the remote with his toes, one arm curled around his bent legs. Eren stared at the wall, weighing his options. Eventually, he decided that he was too hungover to make rational decisions and therefore his actions should not be held against him. “E-er,” He started, and Jean looked over at him with one raised eyebrow, “I mean, y-you could k-kiss me if you w-want.”

Jean looked taken aback, his eyes growing wide. He looked down at the floor and then back at Eren. “Um, I’m flattered, but I’m, uh,” he paused, “I’m not gay.” 

Trying to cover his tracks so that things wouldn’t be awkward, Eren opened his eyes and tried to act surprised, sitting up straight. “O-Oh! I’m n-not gay, either. I- I mean, I j-just thought w-we could-”

The other boy’s lips were on his before he could finish speaking. The room, which had once seemed somewhat spacious by dorm standards, now felt like barely enough space for Eren to move in.

“W-wait-” He pushed Jean away a few inches, even though _holy fuck_ , he didn’t want to. “But you’re n-not, I mean, w-we’re not gay.”

A blush spreading across his cheeks, Jean scratched the back of his neck, steadying himself with the other hand on the mattress. “I said I wasn’t gay--I never said that I wasn’t desperate.” Suddenly looking directly into Eren’s eyes, he whispered, “Gimme a goddamn break for once and kiss me, asshole.”

The shadows in the room seemed to build into strange shapes, and Eren knew in his heart that this was wrong and that lying to Jean about his sexuality would only end in pain for himself and general awkwardness. With the two-toned hair of his friend falling into his face, the German boy knew that although he had many options, his teenage hormones were only going to let him choose one of them.

That’s why, when Jean asked him to kiss him, he did, without hesitation or regret.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that you can always ask me questions about the fic on [my writing blog](http://ywinters.tumblr.com). I also make posts about new updates there, and it really helps the exposure of the fic to reblog them!
> 
> Also, some of the italics html is messing up on me so sorry if not everything that should be is italicized. Thanks, ao3.

A few more weeks had passed, and the feeling in Armin’s stomach had only grown in size until he felt as if it would swallow him whole. He didn’t want this stupid emotion to impact his and Eren’s relationship, so he did his best to just ignore it and smile.

Ninety-nine percent of the time it worked, but Jean was remarkably emotionally perceptive. It probably made up for his lack of intelligence, but God was it annoying. Almost every day Jean would fix his friend with a perplexed look, and ask him what was wrong. Of course, Armin refused to bring it up. Something had been going on between Jean and Eren. Perhaps it was the way Eren would lean against Jean’s body, or the way Jean would put his head in Eren’s lap while yowling.

Armin was unsure if he wanted to know exactly what was going on, so instead he just tried to stay away from the duo if they were in Jean’s room. Cursing and screaming became much less frequent in the dorm, and instead had been replaced with absolute silence when Eren came over. It was unsettling to Armin, and yet he had no idea why. So, to try and battle the uncomfortable impression, he tried to focus on his books more and more.

This was usually done in vain, and he found himself more and more anxious as time passed, and on top of it his panic attacks became more and more frequent. Thankfully, the door to the other room was always closed to ensure “maximum view-ability of the TV” as Jean put it, so he didn’t have to worry about either boy stepping out in the middle of a panic attack.

Eren suddenly opened the door, causing Armin to jump. He looked up at the brown-haired boy, whose hair was still wet from showering. “Did you have a good practice?” He asked, not even bothering to close the book.

“Yeah, i-it was okay, I g-guess. Coach has b-been an ass recently, though,” Eren said, scowling. He put his backpack down by the door and closed the door behind him, leaning against it. “Jean around?”

 _Of course._ Bitterly, Armin pointed towards the currently-open door. “He’s playing a PC game, I think. Which is probably why he hasn’t come out to say hi.” As soon as Armin finished his sentence, Jean suddenly appeared in the threshold.

“There you are, _arschloch_!” Jean said, completing the sentence with an incredibly broken German word. Eren raised an eyebrow, grinning.

“Your G-German is terrible,” Eren replied, already walking over to the door. Armin watched Eren disappear into the other room, closing the door behind him. He sighed and returned to his book, putting his head in his hands as he stared at the words on the page. 

_Not even a how are you, a what’s up. Fantastic._ Armin grimaced and got to his feet, walking over to the refrigerator and pulling out a box of leftovers from the night Jean and Eren had gone out, not even bothering to invite Armin to join them. He put the noodles in a bowl and shoved it into the microwave, setting the timer for one minute.

While his brunch heated up, Armin perched on the counter and looked around the half-kitchen, half-bedroom. He kicked his legs around, allowing his mind to wander until the microwave beeped loudly. He retrieved his dish from the microwave, wincing slightly at the heat and quickly placed the bowl on the wooden table.

It crossed Armin’s mind that maybe Jean and Eren would want something to eat, so he strode over to the door and opened it. He stood there for a moment, eyes wide as he stared down at Jean and Eren, who had been kissing very passionately a few seconds ago.

“Um.” Armin breathed, already closing the door again. Immediately, the other two boys had gotten to their feet, placing a hand between the door and the wall to prevent Armin from closing the door. “Sorry,” He said quickly.

“Fucking hell, knock next time!” Jean exclaimed, face bright red with embarrassment.

“I didn’t think you’d be making out,” Armin retorted, voice harsher than he meant it to be. “Maybe put up a ‘do not disturb’ sign next time, huh? Besides, I thought you were straight.”

“I am!” Jean spluttered, already withdrawing from the more-than-slightly infuriated blonde. Beside him, Eren’s eyes widened with shock. Armin did his best to ignore the surprised expression, only meeting Jean’s gaze.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be doing that with Eren. Unless he’s ‘straight’ too.” Armin replied, turning away and stomping back to his food.

“H-hey,” Jean began, but stopped when Eren put a hand on his arm, shaking his head. Jean turned to Eren, pulling his arm away. “I don’t want Armin getting the wrong idea about us!” 

A loud thud echoed from behind Armin, and curiously he looked over his shoulder, finding Jean on the ground, with an outraged Eren standing over him.”Just shut up.” He hissed, leaning down and grabbing the other boy by the collar of his shirt.

“Hey,” Armin said, already by Eren and Jean’s side. “Eren...drop him. Violence isn’t the answer.” Unable to meet either boy’s gaze, Eren held Jean for a few more seconds, finally throwing him to the ground. Armin held out a hand to Jean, who swatted it away and got to his feet himself, brushing himself off.

“You’re the one who asked me to kiss you,” Jean muttered. Something dropped inside of Armin’s heart, but he shook his head slightly to ignore it.

“Talk about an asshole.” Eren growled, the stutter entirely gone from his voice. “I don’t even know why I asked you to do it in the first place if you aren’t into guys.” 

“Just….leave, Eren.” Armin mused, looking Eren directly in the eyes as he spoke. He shoved the vulnerability away, refusing to break eye contact. “Let me solve this. Please.”

Eren opened his mouth to reply, but he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and threw his bag over his shoulder, walking out the threshold and slamming the door shut furiously.

Armin turned his head and glared at Jean, curling his hands into fists. “Why did you do that to Eren? What if a girl did that to you?”

Jean lowered his gaze to the floor, scratching his arm uncomfortably. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I kind of liked kissing him, I guess.”

“Well you better make sure that doesn’t happen again. You hurt him. Bad.” Armin snapped, sitting back down in his chair in front of his brunch.

“Yeah, yeah...I know. I’ll apologize.” Jean sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “That is, if he still even wants to talk to me.”

 _I highly doubt it_ , Armin thought. Though he had never been in Eren’s position, he assumed it hurt badly to be used like a toy. “We’re going to go find him and apologize. Now.”

“Why are you so protective of Eren? I can do it myself,” Jean grumbled, sitting down on the edge of Armin’s bed.

“Because he’s a friend. I bet if Connie got hurt the same way you hurt Eren, you’d be pissed off too.” Jean grumbled something again and looked at the carpet.

“I’ll call him or something.” Jean said, already taking out his phone. Armin scoffed and walked towards the dorm’s entrance.

“Then I’m going to go find him.” Without waiting for a reply, Armin headed out into the hallway and into the outside, looking around for the other boy, suddenly spotting him sitting at a bus stop. He sighed and made his way over to Eren, tapping him on the back once.  
\--------------------------------------------------------

The sidewalks passed by in a blur as Eren stepped out of the dorms and down to the bus stop. Was he angry? Yes, absolutely. Did he still have a huge crush on Jean fucking Kirschtein? Definitely.

Slamming his bag down, he fell into the bench. He had no idea what time the next bus would arrive, but he didn’t really care. A soft breeze filtered through the broken plastic siding of the bus stop, ruffling his locks. He gritted his teeth and looked down at the ground.

 _What was I doing? How stupid am I?_ Clenching his fist, he pressed it into the warm metal of the bench. _I’ll just….. I’ll just forget about him. I wish I had never met up with Armin. I wish I had never gone over to their apartment. I wish I--_

Tears started welling up in the corner of his eye, but he quickly forced them away and stretched out his fingers, the palm of his hand jamming into the holes of the bench. Part of him almost wished that he had never come to the United States or started this stupid exchange program. Coach Shadis wouldn’t give him a break, his classes were mundane and his friends, although generally nice, didn’t really connect to him.

His heartbeat racing, Eren pulled out his phone. One missed call from Jean. _There is no way I am returning that_. An angry sneer ghosting across his face, he opened the “notepad’ application. Not even paying attention to what he was writing, he typed as fast as possible in hasty and misspelled German.

_The breeze running through the holes in this_  
existence  
are flawed  
the empty sighs of blond-haired boys  
do not  
matter  
you can run but you cannot hide because  
these things do not  
change  
and the truth on the hill is  
so slim  
the light in the night is an  
illusion  
and i am growing roses out of my veins from  
the thorns of  
anger  
that burst forth from my flesh and  
bone  
i would rather not be  
human, i would rather be  
empty, like the shell of who i wish  
he was 

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder and a worried voice saying his name. Surprised, he whirled around and found Armin standing on the other side of the bench. 

“C-can you leave m-me alone?” He stuttered out, turning away and slipping his phone into his back pocket. The boy behind him made no movements to leave. “Look, y-you asked me t-to leave, a-and I did. Now g-go away.”

“I’m not leaving. Are you alright?” Armin’s voice was calm but had a dull undertone, different from his usual positivity. The brown-haired boy clenched his jaw together and then whipped around and poked his finger into Armin’s shirt.

“L-Look, I’m not _gottverdamnte-_ I-I’m not okay. I w-want you and th-that _stück scheiße_ to l-leave me the fuck a-alone.” He pushed his palm against Armin’s chest and shoved him away. The blond didn’t recoil, as Eren had expected, and instead shoved Eren back, almost knocking him off of the bench.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he lost his cool demeanor. “Don’t act like Jean is the only one at fault! You’re being a-- you’re being a huge jerk and an overall asshole. You don’t even think about anyone else or their feelings, you only think about your stupid self. When was the last time you asked me how I was?” 

He started to yell, clenching his fists and holding them at his sides. “I’m a person too! You’ve been too busy making out with my roommate to even care about how I might feel.” His New York accent became incredibly fresh on his tongue as he shouted at the other boy.

Taken aback, Eren leaned away, his mouth falling slightly open. The breeze ran through again, ruffling Armin’s hair and clothing, his shaking fists apparent in the mid-day sunlight. This was a side of the blond boy that he had never seen before, and it kind of scared him. _Did I…. ? Have I really been that awful?_ The tension in his chest dissipated in one second.

Slowly standing up, he sighed and reached towards Armin’s shoulder. The blond boy pulled away, a disgusted look on his face. His arms were crossed over his chest. _Scheisse, I messed up._

“A-Armin-” He started, quietly, but the other boy interrupted him.

“I don’t want to hear it. I came here to see if you were alright, but you couldn’t even treat me like a decent human being. That fortune cookie was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken a risk--you’re just a selfish asshole.” Turning away, he ran back towards the dorms and Eren didn’t follow him. A cloud passed overhead, covering the streets in shadow. The brown-haired boy watched his former friend retreat into the distance and enter the building, and then he kept staring.

After a few seconds, he sat down and put his head in his hands. This day was too much. The last weeks were too much. Armin had tried to be his friend and he had ignored him for the guy he liked who was only using him. 

Picking up his bag, he took a deep breath and stood up. Maybe swimming would help take his mind off of this. Checking the street, he crossed over and walked about five minutes to the campus swim center. There weren’t many people in the building--just a couple basic swimming classes for little kids and elderly folks swimming laps.

As he changed into his swimsuit, Eren couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty and conflicted. He couldn’t just leave it like this--Armin deserved an apology and a friendship, if he would take it. Still, Jean was Armin’s roommate, and the brown-haired boy didn’t know if he could handle being around him. As much as he tried to force it out of his system, he definitely still liked Jean.

Sounds of splashing could be heard from the shallow end as Eren made his way over to an empty lap lane. _Maybe I can…. just…. forget for a while_. He dived in.

The water surrounded him and he started swimming. Not in backstroke, as per the norm, but in breaststroke. His mind filled with a billion different thoughts, he tried to clear it by pushing through the water in his least-favorite stroke. Today, however, it seemed easy. This stroke, which had evaded him for so long, was a perfect way to let out his anger.

As he finished his second lap, a familiar voice sounded above him and he stopped at the edge, looking up. 

“Oh, don’t stop now, you’re making record time. For yourself, that is.” Coach Shadis looked down at him, grinning. It was something that Eren had never seen before. Furrowing his brows, he took off again, pushing through the water. _Why am I faster? Shouldn’t anger make me slower?_

Ignoring Shadis’s yells of “encouragement,” he kept swimming lap after lap after lap until he was tired out. By the time he got out of the pool, Shadis and all of the classes had left. A janitor stood at the corner of the pool. 

“Time to get out, buddy,” they spoke, gesturing at the pool, “We’re going through a major cleaning overhaul, so I’m closing the center early.”

Nodding, Eren struggled out of the water and walked into the dressing room. He was almost done changing when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, the brown-haired boy saw Bertholdt standing right behind him. “You alright?” 

“Uh, y-yeah,” Eren answered, “Wh-why are y-you here?”

Sighing, Bertholdt leaned against the wall. “Annie said she saw you walking downtown and looking upset, so I thought I might drop by and see if you were alright.”

“I’m fine.” Eren answered, trying his best to calm the lisp that got worse when he was nervous.

Disbelief showing in his expression, Bertholdt raised an eyebrows and then turned to leave. “Okay, whatever. Keep your secrets. Reiner and I are going to the bar on Trost and Lincoln. You can tag along, if you want.”

Eren looked down at his phone. No new messages or calls. He felt a little disappointed, even though he should have known that Armin wasn’t going to contact him. _I’ve got nothing better to do. Might as well._

“S-sure, I-I’ll come. I j-just have to g-go home and get some money.” Bertholdt nodded and then offered to drive him to his apartment, an offer which the brown-haired boy graciously accepted. They walked outside to Bertholdt’s car, which was dark blue and small. 

As they got into the car, it started to rain. The streets passed by and Bertholdt turned on the windshield wipers to cast away the rain. In the dark shadows of clouds and condensation, Eren leaned his head against the cold glass window, feeling a strange sense of deja vu. Vibrations in his skull, however, stopped him from trying to remember.

It would be a few days before he realized that what he was being reminded of was that night after class when it rained, the night Armin pulled over and offered him a ride. 

For now, however, he let himself fall into a loose, restless sleep with dreams of dark rooms, endless rainbow roads…. and regret.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for panic attacks. Sorry the update's late, I got distracted.
> 
> Once again, feel free to talk to me about the fic through [my writing blog](http://ywinters.tumblr.com)

_To: Armin_  
From: Historia  
Time: 6:30 pm  
Message:  
hey, we’re goin out drinking 2nite with bertholdt and co. wanna tag along? and dont pull that “its illegal” bullshit on me. have a good time. relax. 

Grumbling, Armin slipped his phone into his pocket and rested against the door to the dormitory. He had been standing outside of the room for what seemed like an eternity, unsure if he wanted to face Jean quite yet. He had walked back to the dormitory room, then had walked down to the Starbucks, and then just around campus to try and clear his head, ultimately finding his way back to his room.

He rested his head against the wall, staring at his phone in his hand. Yeah, getting drunk sounded kind of nice right now, but if he got caught his life would pretty much be over. But, to be honest, Armin just wanted to forget about everything that had happened with Eren and Jean.

Even though Armin was pissed off, he still couldn’t deny the swelling in his chest every time he saw Eren, as much as he hated it. He still didn’t want to admit he liked the other boy. But perhaps now that he wasn’t going to see him anymore, the strange feeling would finally, finally, go away. 

Finally, Armin reached for the doorknob and pulled, opening up the room. He gingerly closed it behind him, walking over to his now-cold noodles. His appetite had left him long ago, but Armin hated to see food go to waste. He forced himself to sit down and take a bite, frowning as he did so.

_Why would Jean go so far to kiss Eren and then pretend like it was no big deal? Maybe he’s in denial. That seems most reasonable. Or maybe he’s just a larger asshole than I thought he was._

Suddenly, Armin’s phone buzzed twice, having received two consecutive texts in a row. Armin found himself surprised at the sudden surplus of texts, and placed his phone on the table. He took another bite of the pasta, unlocking his phone in one deft motion.

_To: Armin_  
From: Historia  
Time: 6:47 pm  
Message:  
you comin or what? dont ignore my text -- i saw you read it. 

Grimacing, Armin quickly tapped out a response, erased it, and tried again.

_To: Historia_  
From: Armin  
Time: 6:48 pm  
Message:  
Fine. It’s the bar on Trost and Lincoln, right? 

Armin waited for a response for a few minutes, until finally a small quote bubble appeared, telling him that Historia was replying.

_To: Armin_  
From: Historia  
Time: 6:53 pm  
Message:  
yeah thats the one. be prepared to see reiner falling all over the place, btw. 

A small chuckle escaped Armin’s lips as he swept back to see the other message. His face instantly fell as he recognized the text from Eren. He clicked on the message to see its contents, anger ebbing its way back into his conscious.

_To: Armin_  
From: Eren  
Time: 6:47 pm  
Message:  
Sorry. 

Unwilling to respond, Armin just deleted the conversation and locked his phone again, staring at the bowl of noodles. Finally, he got to his feet and dumped the remaining food into the trashcan, placing the bowl into the dishwasher. 

The blonde walked over to Jean’s room, hand hovering over the wooden door for a few moments as he contemplated what to do. Armin bit his lip and breathed in, knocking gently.

“Go away, Armin. I just….don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”

Armin sighed and turned the door handle, but found it locked. Brows furrowing, he dropped his hand to his side, staring at the wood.

“Are you struggling with something else right now, Jean?” Armin mused, unsure how to bring up this topic. He focused his gaze at the bottom left corner of the door.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jean asked, anger very clear in his tone of voice.  
Armin shrugged his shoulders but remembered that Jean couldn’t see him. “I don’t know,” he continued. “You just seem like you’re unwilling to talk--”

Suddenly, the door opened, and Armin found himself staring at Jean’s stomach. He raised his eyes, careful not to look directly at Jean lest Armin felt too exposed.

“What are you implying?” He hissed, crossing his arms over his body. Again, Armin shrugged.

“Considering you said you liked kissing Eren earlier, maybe you should consider the fact that you’re bi….” Armin’s voice trailed off slowly as he lost the ability to speak.

Jean’s expression hardened immediately. “No.” He growled, “There’s no way that I’m bisexual. It was a one-time thing.”

“It happened more than once,” Armin muttered, the words barely ghosting across his lips. Jean balled his hands into fists.

“Just. Leave. I don’t want to talk.” With that, Jean slammed the door in Armin’s face. The sound of a lock clicking shut echoed dully through Armin’s ears. Frowning, Armin leaned against the door’s wooden frame.

“I had the same problem, you know. I still have issues admitting I’m gay to myself. But if you ultimately find out that you are bisexual, it’s okay, Jean.” He smiled dryly and continued, “And I’m sure Eren will think it’s okay, too.” As much as it hurt to say that, Armin left it at that and decided to go grab his keys. “I’m leaving.”

Armin headed back down through the hallways and to his car, turning it on. He pulled out of his spot and drove down to the pub on Trost and Lincoln, ignoring the nervousness in his mind. Historia’d be able to get him in, he knew it.

Soon enough, Armin parked in front of the building and got out of his car, walking over to Historia and Ymir. Ymir smirked at Armin, raising a hand to make sure he could see the two girls. He walked over to them, putting his hands in his pockets.

“You guys better make sure I don’t get caught.” He breathed, rocking on his heels slightly. Ymir gave Armin a thumbs up.

“It’ll be fine. Really,” she said, still looking as bored as ever. Beside her, Historia nodded, smiling rather innocently.

“Bertholdt and the rest are inside. I told them to wait, but they wanted to get the drinks going.”

Armin nodded as if he were interested, looking from Ymir and to Historia. “Are we goin’?” He finally asked. The other two girls grinned and headed into the bar, Armin following close behind.  
It was pretty rundown, but standard as bars go. Instantly, the smell of alcohol flooded Armin’s nose, causing him to gag slightly. He did his best to focus on the other two girls, who were pushing their way through the crowded room and over to a spot at the bar. Reiner waved vigorously at the group, drink in hand. While Ymir and Historia ran up to their friends, Armin stopped and frowned.

From behind Bertholdt sat Eren, who had peered around the much larger boy to see who was coming. Armin felt his heart drop into his stomach, emptiness flooding his whole being. Tonight was supposed to be the night that he forgot about Eren, not have to deal with sitting next to him while everyone got drunk.

He took a shaky breath and walked over, going to take the seat next to Reiner right as Ymir and Historia slid into the two seats farthest away from Eren.

“Looks like this spot’s taken,” Ymir said slyly. Armin mentally cursed Ymir and withdrew his hand, stomping over next to Eren. He sat down on the squeaky stool, waving the bartender over.

The bartender walked over to Armin, wiping his hands on a damp cloth. “What’ll it be?” He inquired.

“Hey, Marco!” Reiner exclaimed, words already slurring together. The bartender, who turned out to be one of Jean’s friends, looked at Reiner with concern.

“Reiner, how much have you had to drink? It’s only 7, for chrissakes.” Marco turned back to Armin, smiling softly. “What would you like?”

“I don’t know. Just…something.” Armin muttered, refusing to look at the boy next to him. Marco nodded his head and went off to prepare something for Armin. Beside him, Eren shifted uncomfortably.

“H-hi, Armin,” Eren began, leaning forward on his elbows to look at the other boy.

“I’m not talking to you.” Armin replied harshly. Eren recoiled slightly, and in Armin’s peripheral vision he could see him twiddling his thumbs awkwardly.

“Did y-you see my t-t-text?” Eren finally asked, his stutter much more prominent than it had been previously.

“Yeah, I did. I just…” Armin took a breather to clear his mind and stared at the smooth countertop, dust lingering on its surface. “I need time, okay?”

Eren nodded, leaning back into his seat. “I’m r-really sorry that I-I didn’t c-check up on you. It w-was a rude m-m-move on my p-part, and I’m s-sorry. It won’t h-happen again.”

Marco swept back in with a drink of some sort, a weird goldish-red in hue. “Four dollars,” he chirped. Armin dug out the money and placed it on the counter, drawing his drink closer to him and taking a sip.

The alcohol burned his throat, but for once, Armin didn’t mind. He was too angry to care anymore. It wasn’t that he was angry that Eren liked Jean and not him, he was just mad that Eren was so infatuated with Jean that he didn’t even bother to see if he was alright.

Once Armin finished his drink, he pushed the empty glass away. Perhaps getting drunk would be a bad idea. He had to drive home...and besides, Eren was close. Too close. If Armin ended up acting rashly, he didn’t want to think about the amount of regret he’d have later. Then Eren would hate him like the boy back in high school did. Then everyone would find out, and Armin would be alone again.

Fear struck Armin’s heart at the idea of being alone. He stared at the melting ice cubes for a few minutes, trying to shove the paranoia away. It was another panic attack. Of course.

Thoughts swimming, Armin quickly got to his feet, murmuring something about needing fresh air. Pushing his way through the intoxicated crowd of people, the blonde tried to ignore the now-spinning world around him, his breathing increasing in speed again.

_Fuck, fuck, no, not another anxiety attack. Not in public. Get it under control, Armin. You’re okay. Don’t let anyone else see. Especially not Eren. ESPECIALLY NOT EREN._

Armin’s legs wobbled slightly as he walked to a bench, collapsing onto the hard metal. He stared at the ground below him, trying to ignore everything. But he kept thinking, thinking about everything. Thinking about someone seeing him like this. The idea that his friends might see him at his most vulnerable state only added to his fear and paranoia, until finally the memories from high school and everything collapsed onto his shoulders.

He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his knees, burying his face into the fabric of his jeans, trying hard to push everything away and get the panic attack under control. He shuddered, gasping for air, his senses dulling until Armin felt as if he were in a world of perpetual darkness. Suddenly, he felt a hand touch his shoulder, and he flinched, pulling away as best he could. _Don’t touch me, just go away. Please just go away. I don’t want to be thought as a burden._

He felt someone sit down beside him and turned his head slightly to see who it was. _Oh, God. The last person I want to see me like this_. Armin instinctively withdrew from Eren, pressing himself into the corner of the bench. Beside him, Eren retreated his hand, before trying to reach out to Armin again.

“Just go back inside,” Armin managed to get out through his quick breathing. “Please.”

“A-are you having a p-panic attack?” Eren asked concernedly, bending over to look at Armin, who turned his head away immediately. “Do you w-want a paper bag or s-something?”

“No.” Armin replied without a moment’s hesitation. “Go away. I’m not useless, I swear I’m not. I’m not useless I’m not useless I’m not useless,” he continued to whimper against his legs until it became mechanical, the words losing meaning the more he repeated them. And yet he continued to speak them, hoping to God that they were true. 

Eren’s hand touched Armin’s shoulder gingerly. “I d-don’t think you’re u-useless,” he said, his voice somewhere far away. Armin turned his head slightly, Eren’s figure blurring through the tears.

“Don’t lie,” he gasped, looking back at his legs and moving his hands to his head to block everything out. His thoughts continued to ring loudly in his ears.

“I’m n-not.” Eren affirmed, beginning to rub Armin’s back in an attempt to console his friend. “Why would I t-think you’re useless?”

“Everyone else does.” Armin murmured, his voice nearly inaudible. “That’s what everyone told me.”

“Why do _y-you_ think you’re u-useless?” Eren pressed, continuing to rub Armin’s back, whose shaking only grew worse and worse. 

_Don’t tell him. He’ll just hate you and you’ll be an outcast. Keep your mouth shut. You can’t trust Eren._

Armin’s mouth seemed to move on its own as he dug his hands into his skull. “Because I’m gay.” He broke out, hating himself the instant the words escaped his lips. He mentally begged for Eren to forget about everything, for everything to be a dream and that he’d wake up instantly.

_You fucked up. He’s going to leave and you’re going to be hated again and you’re going to go back to being a useless piece of shit. You should just die. Die die die die die._

“...You t-think that m-makes you useless?” Eren asked, “W-why?”

_Why hasn’t he left? He hates you, right?_

“Everyone else told me so. Back….back….” Armin’s voice cut off as he choked out a sob, finding himself unable to continue. He inhaled shakily and continued, “Back in high school, I was just ignored and thrown to the side. No one ever cared. Ever. Just...just…”

“It’s okay. You don’t h-have to bring it up if i-it makes it worse,” Eren mused, gently reaching out with his other hand to rotate Armin slightly and pull him in for a hug, doing his best not to agitate his already-terrified companion.

Unable to move, Armin just screwed his eyes shut and burst into tears, sobbing into Eren’s shoulder for what seemed like too long. By the time the panic attack had calmed down enough for Armin to move, he apologized instantly. Eren just smiled a bit.

“You’re not u-useless because of a sexual p-p-preference, you know. Whatever happened i-in high school doesn’t m-matter now. Your p-past doesn’t define you a-anymore.”

“I know,” Armin whispered, withdrawing from the hug and placing his hands on his lap, fingers curling against the fabric. “They just….happen. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t a-apologize.” Eren declared, waving his hand. “If it h-happens again, you can call me. Should I d-drive you back to the dorm in your c-car, or do you think you can m-manage?”

“I don’t know,” Armin said numbly, unwilling to look anywhere else. Eren got to his feet and held out a hand, to which Armin stared at for a few moments. While every fiber in his being screamed that he could get up on his own, that he didn’t need help, that he wasn’t a burden, Armin reached out and allowed himself to be helped up, both off of the bench and out of the hole he had dug himself long ago.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------  
In the days after Eren dropped off Armin from the bar, life passed peacefully…. for the most part. Eren and Armin hung out a little more, but never at the blond boy’s dorm, for obvious reasons. Jean, according to Armin, had spent the last few days doing nothing but sulking and finishing all of the Bioshock games. 

“Th-those are actually p-pretty good games,” Eren remarked, upon hearing about it from his friend, “I’m surprised.”

Armin raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of his tea and leaning back into the large recliner in Eren’s apartment. Looking around, he turned back to the brunet boy. “How come you don’t have a TV here, if you play this stuff?”

Grinning, Eren heaved himself up out of the couch and trotted over to the desk. With one hand, he caressed the sides of a large computer, making Armin chuckle. “ _This_ i-is my g-gaming center. Th-there are over one hundred a-and fifty games on here, m-most of which I h-have finished.”

The other boy spat his tea. “Oh my god, how do you have time to play these?” In response, Eren just shrugged bashfully and ran one hand through his still-damp hair. He and Armin had met up right after practice, but Starbucks was too busy so they had gone to Eren’s apartment. Upon entering the apartment, the blond boy had immediately made multiple excited exclamations about how large it was.

Sitting back down on the couch once more, Eren stared off into the distance, over his friend’s shoulder. It was only after the third time his name was called that he realized that Armin was trying to talk to him.

“Eren! Are you even listening?”

“O-oh, yeah. Go on,” He filled in, hoping that the other boy wouldn’t notice his transgression. With a sigh, Armin took a sip of the tea that Eren had prepared for him and leaned forward on his elbows.

“So.”

“....S-so…?”

“Yes, so. Jean.”

Narrowing his eyes, Eren kicked one leg over the other and leaned back in the sofa with his arms over the back. “I d-don’t want to t-talk to him or about him.”

“Oh my god, Eren, you have to. He’s driving me crazy. All he does is eat and sleep and play video games and complain to me about how much his face hurts where you hit him. I don’t even think he’s going to class.” Exasperated, Armin set down his tea cup and threw his hands into the air. “You have to do something.”

_I never want to talk to him again. I don’t want to face him, especially since I still……_ “No, I d-don’t want to.”

A tense pause hung in the air and Armin pursed his lips, staring right into Eren’s eyes. Uncomfortable, he looked away. Eventually, Armin sighed heavily and tried to convince his friend. “Look, is it because you like him?” No reply. “Because if so, that’s all the more reason to talk to him. You can’t just run away.”

Flicking a fly that was sitting on the top off the couch with one finger, Eren grimaced. _As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right_. A slight groan exited his throat and he turned to the other boy. “O-okay, fine. But j-just to clear th-things up so that h-he doesn’t bother y-you about it a-anymore.”

Armin smiled and then took a sip of his tea, tapping one foot on the ground. He was humming something, but Eren couldn’t quite tell exactly what it was. In the last few days, he seemed really….. happy. Not that hadn’t been before, but that night outside the bar had opened up something within the blond boy that had been locked up for a long time. _I’m glad that I tried to stay friends with him. He deserves a friend who…. understands._

“Well, we should probably go!” Armin started, getting up and going to set his teacup in the small kitchen area. 

Confused, Eren stood up and brush the lint off of his Jeans. “Wait, what? I-I didn’t th-think you m-meant today! Can’t we w-wait a few more d-days?!”

A smirk hovering over his lips, Armin flipped his golden hair over one shoulder and snatched his friend’s phone off of the table. “No, we’re going today.” Eren grabbed for his phone, but the other boy held it away. “I’ll give this back once you two have made up. I’m sick of him eating all of my ramen noodles and stinking up the dorm.”

Scratching the back of his neck, Eren groaned and slipped his keys off of the hook near the door and into his pocket. As he shoved open the door and let Armin pass through, he muttered, “ _Sie e-ein sch-schmerz im a-arsch bist_ , A-Armin.”

“And what does that mean?” The blond inquired as he hopped down the stairs with Eren slumping behind him. 

They passed through the lobby and Eren coughed into his elbow, shoving both hands into the pockets of his jeans. “U-uh, i-it means that y-you are a-annoying, t-to put it n-nicely.” He muttered, rolling his eyes when Armin laughed. 

“You should keep translating for me, you know. I’d like to learn some more German so that I can interact with you better.”

_No one has ever done that for me before_. Eren’s eyes widened, and he spoke out loudly as they headed down the street in the direction of Armin’s dorms. “O-of course!”

The closer they got to the dorm, the more the brown-haired boy’s sense of impending doom grew. As they walked through the doorway into the building, he steeled himself for an official rejection. Jean was, after all, straight. They…. there was no chance for them. He felt his hopes slowly sinking into the pit of his stomach and nausea filled his body. _Oh, gott._

Armin turned the key in the lock and opened the door to his dorm. Immediately, the smell of ramen noodles hit Eren like a punch in the face. _He wasn’t kidding, oh mein gott._

Cautiously, the two of them stepped inside and Armin flipped on the light switch, bathing the messy room in sickly yellow light. Nervously, Eren fiddled with his fingers and the blond boy turned to him. “Are you ready for this?” He whispered. After a pause, Eren nodded.

His friend slowly rapped on the side door and called out, “Hey, Jean? You in there?” There was no response for a few seconds, and then the door swung open and Jean stood in front of them in his boxers and a stained T-shirt. Eren couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose. _Armin was right, this boy needs an intervention._

The taller boy standing in the doorway narrowed his eyes at Armin and then seemed to notice that he wasn’t the only one standing there. A large, red blush spread across his face like wildfire, and he started to retreat back into dark room. However, the blond boy’s arm shot out and grabbed his shoulder, holding it firmly in place. “Oh no, you don’t.” He pulled Jean out into the light of the dorm.

Eren looked at Jean, crossing his arms, and the other boy looked at him. No one said anything for a few seconds, and then Jean uncomfortably wiped his mouth with his T-shirt and scratched the back of his neck before speaking.

“Um.” He started, and Armin nudged him from behind. “Uh, I guess I should apologize.” The boy behind him nodded and the light above them flickered slightly. He continued, after a throat-clearing cough. “I’m sorry for, uh, using you. I guess-- I mean, I guess I pretended that you weren’t really into guys so that it would be okay, but it was a really shitty thing to do. I- I was an asshole, I’m sorry.”

For a few seconds, no one said anything and Jean looked down at his feet. _I don’t want to be here. He’s not really sorry_. Armin retreated to sit on his bed, but Eren kept standing and leaned against the closed door. Eventually, however, Jean smoothed out his disgustingly dirty T-shirt and continued in a quiet voice.

“So, uh, I’ve been thinking.” Eren looked up, trying to look as bored as possible as the other boy spoke. “And I realized that this whole thing was really fucking stupid.” 

Raising an eyebrow, the brown-haired boy continued his silence and waited for Jean to start up again. In a few seconds, he did. “I mean, I guess I just--” he shook his head as if frustrated and jammed his palm into his forehead. “I guess I’m not really, uh. I guess I’m not as straight as I thought.” 

His head fell to the ground and he played with the hem of his shirt nervously. _Gott, he’s cute. Wow._ Eren couldn’t take it any longer. Stepping forward, he ruffled the hair of the other boy, making him jump. “You idiot, _p-pferd gesicht_. It’s really o-obvious.”

Even more of a blush filtered into Jean’s skin and he moved away a little bit. “Wait, what? Is it really? Oh, god, if it’s that obvious….. I’ve been trying to get with this Mikasa girl in my English glass for like a month. I’ll be the goddamn laughing stock of the--” _Oh mein **gott** , shut up._

On instinct and without any thought, Eren leaned in and grabbed Jean’s cheeks, pulling him into a kiss. _He’s still hot. He’s still so fucking hot, the arschloch_. Contrary to his expectation, Jean didn’t pull away. Instead, the other boy just moved his hand into Eren’s hair and kissed him back. Although they had kissed before, _many times_ , this time felt….. different. More genuine, maybe.

Across the room, Eren could hear the sound of a water bottle opening. Sudden realization hit him in the chest. _Shit, Armin_. He pulled away, resting his arm over Jean’s shoulder and leaning towards the other side of the room. “Oh my god, I-I’m sorry, Armin.”

“‘sno big deal,” The blond replied, shrugging. Something seemed off about him, but Eren couldn’t tell exactly what that thing was. Before he could ask the other boy about it, Jean moved away and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Oh my god, I look disgusting, I can’t believe I just made out with you like this.” Jean muttered, rubbing his face with one hand. _He looks like he hasn’t slept in a week._

Laughing, Eren replied, “Y-yeah, you look t-terrible.” 

The other boy looked up, his eyebrows furrowing. “Now, listen here-”

“J-just date me, a-alright?” Eren blurted out, jabbing Jean in the chest playfully with his finger. The boy with the two-toned hair’s eyes widened and he stopped speaking immediately. The silence was only broken when Armin stood up from his bed and wandered into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

Finally, Jean sputtered out a, “Wait, what?”

_I was out of line, oh gott, fick_. Trying to speak with as little of a slur as possible, he answered. “But doesn’t i-it make sense? I-I mean, I really l-like you, and I thought that y-you might…”

“...like you back. You thought that I might like you back?” Jean crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes a little, and the brown-haired boy found himself getting more and more upset by the moment. _Armin, why did you have to leave…?_

“U-um,” he replied, running a hand through his hair and feeling sweat building in his pores. “I, uh, y-yeah, I g-guess I thought y-you might.”

Pausing, he looked at the floor, about ready to just run away. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. _Stupid, stupid_. A release of breath could be heard, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder. Eren looked up and into Jean’s face as he smirked, “Well, it took a while for me to figure it out, but you thought right, asshole.”

Sneering, Eren pecked him on the lips, muttering “ _d-dumme p-pferd gesicht_ ” into the other boy’s skin. 

Then, he kissed him again, truly and fully, and this time he knew that neither of them were using each other. 

Together, the two of them cleaned up the apartment and aired out the scent of ramen noodles. Looking over at the other boy, Eren couldn’t help but smile. All of the regret from before had been for nothing, in the end. Yeah, Jean had been an huge jerk, but he was a hot jerk, and that was all that really mattered, right?

Armin stayed in the bathroom all night, but neither of them noticed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _MAJOR_ triggers in this chapter: self harm (really intense, be careful. It's in Eren's POV section), panic attacks.
> 
> And I'm sorry the chapter is late. I spaced big time.
> 
> Hey, this chapter is really hard-hitting. Leave a comment if you like it, a'right? It was, to say the least, hard to write. I'd suggest listening to Loneliness of Six from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack while reading Eren's POV for extra pain, hah. Also: Nikki and I made an 8tracks playlist for this fic a while back (which, oddly enough, doesn't have the track that inspired the title--I'll fix that soon). Here it is: http://8tracks.com/yukisada/eyes-wide-open#smart_id=dj:3091374 It sorta contains some mild spoilers for the fic if you can read into it, but... yeah. I'll be updating and adding to the playlist as we continue writing.
> 
> And, as always, you can send messages to my writing blog on tumblr (ywinters) if you have any questions or comments!

_Talk about empty words._

Yeah, Eren had apologized, but had he acted on his promise? Evidently not when Jean was around. Armin slid down against the white door of the bathroom, leaning against the cold wood. He was entirely unsure of what had just happened, unsure of how it had impacted him, and unsure of how it had impacted both Jean and Eren.

Armin eventually decided that he was irritated. Irritated that Eren had sworn not to ignore him again, but then had gone ahead and completely disregarded his existence by continuing to make out with his roommate. Not only was it rude, it was frustrating, and even a little saddening. 

“Man,” he breathed out into the empty air, “What am I going to do?”

He kept telling himself to be happy for his two friends. To be joyful that they were now a couple. But deep down, Armin knew that he wouldn’t be completely fine with it. It was terrible and it was selfish of him to think that way, but the blonde boy couldn’t help it.

Gathering a fistful of hair in his hands, Armin concentrated on looking at the white tiles of the linoleum floor. He began to weigh his options. 1, go out there and risk seeing Eren and Jean go at it again, or 2, stay in the bathroom like a complete and utter loser.

In the end, he decided it was better not to risk feeling like a selfish asshole and remain in the small room. Armin slowly got to his feet and put his hands against the cold marble of the counter, refusing to look up at his reflection.

He clenched his hands into fists and counted to ten, closing his eyes as he did so. Once he finally reached the number, he looked up at himself in the mirror. It was almost impossible to look at himself, but Armin didn’t want to keep living with terrible self esteem, and more importantly, he didn’t want that to somehow hurt Eren and Jean and make them concerned.

Armin straightened his back and stared himself straight in the eyes, brushing a lock of hair away from his view. He scowled at the boy in the mirror, the boy with the lumpy nose, the boy with the strange cheekbones, the boy with the square chin, the boy with the lifeless eyes. Armin attempted to push away the negative thoughts about himself and continued to try and pick out the positive.

 _Do it for Jean and Eren, so they don’t have to keep worrying about you,_ he reminded himself. Furrowing his brows together, Armin tried to keep finding one feature he liked. The harder he tried, the more his scowl grew in size until he finally decided to try again later.

He rotated himself until he was facing away from the mirror and let out a long exhale, suddenly realizing he had been holding his breath. _Pathetic._ Armin smiled, albeit sadly, returning his gaze to the floor. _What a mess I am._

Even though Armin knew he could talk to Jean and Eren, he also knew there was no way he would ever be able to talk about his irritation with the both of them, or his feelings about Eren. After all, now that Armin was part of an incredibly hopeless love triangle, he would have to let his own mind sort things out.

And on top of that, he just kept hating himself. No matter how hard he tried, how much he forced himself to think positive thoughts, there seemed to be no remedy for his hatred. Of course, most of the time he was able to push it into the very recesses of his mind. But when he felt so alone, so discarded, these thoughts would slowly reappear and taunt him.

Armin didn’t want to ask for help. He could solve it on his own, no matter how long it took. He’d be able to get over the hill without someone constantly by his side. He sat back on the the ground and leaned against the cupboards, closing his eyes to rest his thoughts. Eventually, sleep came for him in a comforting hug.

The next morning came too soon, when a half-awake Eren stumbled into the bathroom, nearly tripping over Armin in the process. A confused sound escaped his lips until he looked down at the boy, who stirred and began to wake up, eyes fluttering open. “I didn’t s-see you t-there. Sorry,” Eren apologized. “Where’d y-you go last night, a-anyways?”

Rubbing at his eyes, Armin blinked once and then twice. “I’ve been in here for the whole night,” he croaked. Armin cleared his throat and pushed a hand through his hair, combing back his long, golden hair with his fingers.

“Oh.” Eren said, obviously surprised. The German got out a small paper cup and filled it with water, gargling it and proceeding to spit into the sink. Beside him, Armin stumbled to his feet, too tired to feel angry.

“Thanks for waking me up,” Armin said sarcastically, back still turned to the mirror, refusing to look at his reflection.

“What a-are friends for?” Eren chuckled, filling up the cup with water again. “I-I’m going to go dump this on J-Jean. Wanna watch?” He asked, turning to Armin, his turquoise eyes sparkling with mischief. Armin shook his head slightly, yawning as he did so. 

_Again, he hasn’t even bothered to ask how I am. What an empty, empty promise._

“What time even is it?” Armin mumbled, rubbing his eyes. 

“Almost t-ten,” Eren chirped, voice happier than it had ever been. He began to head out of the room, precariously holding the small cup in his hands. Though it was a little later than Armin had hoped it would be, he had slept surprisingly well. Slowly, Armin followed the other boy, still in the process of waking up. He trotted over to his bed and fell over into it, shoving his face under his pillow and into the plush mattress.

Armin dimly heard an angry shout from Jean’s room, followed by bright laughter and a patter of footsteps. Soon enough, a large crash echoed through the room and sent vibrations through Armin’s bed, causing him to throw the pillow off his bed and in the general direction of the sound.

“This is like the one day I’ve gotten more than 3 hours of sleep,” Armin whined, “Could you tone it down a bit? Play a video game that won’t make you want to kill each other.”

Jean had Eren in a headlock, hair soaking wet. Both boys were grinning and laughing, Eren managing to wriggle out of the hold and pin Jean to the ground, holding his arms tightly to either side of him. “I win!” Eren exclaimed, sneering at his victim.

Angrily, Armin opened his mouth to speak again. Instead, Eren leaned down to press a kiss to Jean’s lips, who was still chuckling as their lips met. Now rightfully infuriated, the blonde turned on his side to face the wall.

 _I almost forgot I was invisible._  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

Many weeks passed by the group in what seemed like a blur. Even Eren’s classes seemed to pass by quickly. A loud voice filtered into his conscious, waking him up.

“Hey, bread brain, are you even listening? Class is over.” A female voice rang through Eren’s brain, jolting him back into reality. He knew it was Annie, of course, but he still looked up. She rolled her eyes and threw a canvas bag over her shoulder, waiting for him to follow. _Man, I must have really been daydreaming._

Nearly everyone else had already left the lecture hall, so he grabbed his books and hurried to follow the blond girl. As they walked up the steps, he muttered a “sorry.” She didn’t reply until they reached the top of the stairs. At the top, she suddenly stopped and whirled around, raising her chin and looking down at the brown-haired boy.

“You’re happy, then?” Her tone was bland, but something in her expression hinted to Eren that she meant more than she said. Uncomfortable, he scratched his arm, looked down at the floor and then looked back up, flashing a small smile.

“O-of course. I…. yes,” He replied with certainty, nodding his head. In the empty classroom, his words made a dull echo. Pursing her lips slightly, Annie shifted her bag farther onto her shoulder and then turned away, whispering something that Eren could not fully make out. A confused expression making its way over his face, the German followed her out the door and into the lobby. 

Stopping at the coffee shop in the lobby, something unusual for the short girl, Annie tilted her head towards Eren, long bangs covering her eyes. She ordered a Chai tea and then slid into a small table on the side. He wasn’t sure if her intent was for him to follow, but he did nonetheless, ordering a Hazelnut Macchiato and and then sliding into the seat opposite her.

For a few minutes they sat in silence, with Annie scrolling a web page on her phone. Eventually, however, without taking her eyes off of the screen, she started to speak. “You see him a lot, then?”

A loud red blush like poppies filtered over Eren’s complexion, and he crossed one ankle over the other. “Y-yeah. I w-was just gonna go o-over th-there now, a-actually.” 

She put down her phone and looked up, making direct eye contact with the dark-haired boy. “Look,” she continued, “I’m glad that you’re happy. I just hope that you are…..” Annie paused and drummed her fingers on the table, looking over to the side. “....I hope that you are paying attention.”

 _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_ Confused and a little frustrated, Eren shook his head and stood up. “If this i-is about m-me zoning out i-in class today, I d-don’t want to hear it.” Slinging his bag onto one shoulder, he shoved his way out of the chair, accidentally bumping the table and spilling some of his friend’s tea. Not waiting around to deal with her reaction, Eren threw out a lazy wave and stepped out of the shop, moving towards the exit.

Thoughts whirled around his head as he left and headed down the sidewalk to the 600 dormitories, a very familiar path. _Is this some cryptic way of telling me to focus on schoolwork? If so….._ He bit his lip and smoothed out some wrinkles in his shirt. _If so, she can just fuck off._

A soft, cool fall breeze swept through the campus, ruffling Eren’s dark locks of hair. He gripped his torso with one arm, trying to forget about what she had said. I mean, everyone in the group knew that he and Jean were dating by now, even if some of them didn’t really know him yet. Reiner had been delighted, exclaiming that he was glad Eren had joined the “Homo Hub.” The others….. they were supportive. Annie and Bertholdt…. well, they had been acting a little strange. Until today, he had shrugged it off as them being surprised about his newfound queer-ness. 

Now, he didn’t know what to think. A long sigh escaped his throat as he swung open the door to the dormitories. _I shouldn’t care about their opinion. Jean makes me happy, and that’s all that matters._

Spare key in hand (which Jean had so graciously given him), the brown-haired boy launched himself up the stairs and walked down the hall to number 692. As he approached the room, however, he heard something strange. Pausing outside the door, he heard….. yelling? _Armin?_

In the badly-painted hallway, Eren wondered if he should go in. After all, Armin had been a little bit touchy in the last few weeks, and he didn’t really want to make him even more pissed off at the brown-haired boy. Ultimately, he decided that he was tired of the blond boy giving him the cold shoulder for no reason, and slipped the key into the lock.

All of the lights in the dorm were on when Eren opened the door, making it easy to see what could only be called the wreckage. All over the room were scattered trophies, pillows, articles of clothing and shredded pieces of paper. In the middle of the room, Armin was sitting on the floor and clutching his comforter, which had been ripped off of his bed. 

Unsurely, Eren stuttered, slipping closer to the other boy, “A-Armin? Are y-you…. I mean, a-are you alright?”

Upon hearing the German’s voice, Armin whirled around and threw away the comforter, clenching his fists. “What….” His tone was extremely tense as he spoke with his jaw clenched. “What the hell are you doing here?”

 _I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have come_. “U-uh,” Eren started, “I-I just came t-to look f-for-”

“For Jean?” Armin interrupted, slowly standing up and brushing the ripped paper off of his jeans. Letting his mouth fall open slightly, the brown-haired boy started to speak but his friend held a hand up and shook his head, an expression of anger crisscrossing his face like patchwork. “That’s why you’re here. Why else?” Taking a deep breath, the blond flipped his hair out of his face. “Not for me. You…. you wouldn’t be here for me.”

Eren didn’t answer, and instead just stood there sadly, looking at the shorter boy. _I… it’s the truth_. Realization hitting him like a punch in the chest, he thought to himself, _Oh my god…… I did it again. I told him I’d be there for him and then I fucked up._ Armin stood in front of him, eyes to the ground and gently shaking his head over and over. 

Starting to speak, Eren stepped forward. “A-Armin, I’m-”

Out of nowhere, the blond boy threw his hands to the sides and screamed, “I don’t want to hear it, Eren! I don’t want to hear any of it.” Kicking away the pillows and trash from the floor, he stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. 

Standing in the now-empty room, Eren’s hands twitched and he dropped his books on the floor. _Sie gefickt._

_You fucked up big time, Eren._

Leaning into the doorframe, the brown-haired boy closed his eyes. _Should I leave? I’m sure that he doesn’t want to talk to me._ He curled his fingers into his palms and dug the nails into his skin. _No. I have to make sure that he knows I’m sorry._

Taking long strides across the room, Eren moved towards the bathroom door. No sound could be heard from inside the room. “Armin, h-hey,” he started to speak in a soft tone, hoping to communicate something that…. he really hadn’t before. No response. “I- I know you d-don’t want to t-talk to me, but I-I just…. j-just want you to know that….” Taking a deep breath, he pressed one palm against the wood grain.

“I was wrong, Armin. I was wrong.” For just a few words, his lisp disappeared and he leaned his forehead into the door. “So p-please. I a-am so stupid. I…. I did i-it to you again and I’m s-sorry.”

Once again, no reply was issued from within, but it wasn’t like he expected one. “Y-you don’t have to a-answer. What I-I did t-to you was a-awful and in- in- inexcusable.”

Lowering his voice to a whisper, he murmured into the doorframe, “I h-hope that you will forgive m-me, even i-if I don’t d-deserve it.”

For a few minutes he stayed there, his head and torso leaning into the space between the door and the frame. Eventually, however, he heard a quiet sob from inside the bathroom. _Is he…. crying?_ “A-Armin, hey, I-I’m coming in, o-okay?” He tried the door handle, only to find that it was locked.

 _Oh fuck._ Another sob could be heard, this time with part of Armin’s voice attached, making it sound like a whimper. Twisting the gold-painted handle again, Eren pressed his ear into the door so that he could hear. More crying. Heart rising in his chest, Eren tried the handle once again.

“O-oh god, Armin, l-let me in. P-please.” There was no answer. Eren shook the handle frantically, eyes widening. More sobs could be heard, and then silence. _Oh, no._ Eren slammed his palm into the door. “ _G-gott damn i-it_ , l-let m-me in!”

Suddenly, a whine could be heard, almost like a scream. This was not a scream of anger or of fear--this was a whimper of pain.

“ _Jesus christ,_ ” Eren panicked and twisted the door handle again and again. He couldn’t pick the lock, there was no way. In desperation, he slammed his weight into the door. “A-Armin, wh-what’s going on?! Are y-you hurt!?” He yelled again and again, shoving his body into the door again and again, to no avail. A loud sob echoed numbly through Eren’s eardrums, descending into quiet whimpering. Panic flooded Eren’s body with a flash like lightning, heart racing with fear.

_It’s all my fault. I did this. I…. I made this happen._

Annie’s words from earlier that day resonated in his head. “ _I hope that you are paying attention._ ” Punching the door once more with his fist, Eren sunk to the floor and felt tears forming around his eyes. He had been so stupid. So stupid.

_I am now, Annie._

Suddenly, Eren noticed that the tip had broken off of one of the trophies. It was a junior golf trophy. Quickly crawling over, he grabbed it and returned to the door. It wasn’t exactly a Home Depot-grade screwdriver, but it would have to work. Working fast, the brown-haired boy stuck it into the slot of one of the nails holding the hinges in place. It wasn’t very efficient, but after ten minutes or so, the hinges were loose enough to pull away.

He flung open the door.

Armin was sitting on the tile floor, arms wrapped around knees that were pulled tight to his chest. Eren let out a sigh of relief and pressed one hand over his mouth. _Thank god he’s alright._

That was when the brown-haired boy noticed the blood. There was so much, smeared along the tile and into towels that had fallen onto the floor. And in one of the pools of crimson was a small razor that looked like it had been bent in frustration. Eren tried to speak, but he choked on his words. _I….. did this….._

Falling to his knees Eren cupped his face in his hands and then looked up at Armin. The blond boy still hadn’t moved from his spot and was shivering slightly, his entire body shaking. This was not the strong, smart boy who had helped Eren with his homework, nor was it the kind college student teaching him what the names of various coffees on the Starbucks menu meant. This wasn’t even the reckless boy who was tired of living a perfect life and grabbed a stranger’s hand on the word of a fortune cookie.

This was someone else entirely.

Slowly, Eren picked himself up and moved over to the blond boy. Cautiously, he touched his shoulder. When his friend did not recoil, he unwrapped his arms from around his legs to take a look at the damage. All down both of Armin’s forearms were dozens of cuts. Some of them were shallow, but some of them……. _this is bad._

Quickly, he stood up and grabbed a washcloth from next to the sink. After wetting it with warm water, he bent down and gingerly picked up one of Armin’s arms. When he dabbed gently at the wounds, the blond boy flinched but did not move away. In the dimly-lit bathroom, the German boy continued to wash the blood away, pressing the fabric up against deeper cuts. Out of the corner of his eye, Eren could see teardrops slowly falling onto Armin’s jeans from his chin.

Still holding the washcloth up against one of the more serious openings, Eren gently brushed the hair away from his friend’s face. There were tear stains running down his cheeks, his eyes closed. After a few seconds, Eren grabbed Armin’s shoulder and spoke as quietly and gently as he could.

“Armin.” The other boy finally turned and looked into his friend’s face, blue eyes drowning in some sort of ocean of complete despair. He looked down after a few seconds, but Eren picked up his chin. “Look a-at me, Armin.”

His voice coming out in a choked-up whisper, the other boy finally spoke. “I’m sorry, I’m….. so sorry… I’m so….” His voice faded out and his legs slowly stretched out so that they touched the cabinet.

Now, Eren Jaeger had seen many sad things in his life. It wasn’t easy for him to admit, but he cried at most movies that were even a little sad. When he did admit it, however, he considered himself to be an expert on all things depressing and “cry-worthy.” But now, in the cramped bathroom of his boyfriend’s dorm….. the German boy decided that the saddest things don’t make you cry.

They just break you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HECK guys I'm really sorry, I kept telling myself to upload the chapter yesterday and then it... didn't happen. So it's late.
> 
> TW for self harm mention, scars. 
> 
> Once again, send any questions you have to [my writing blog](http://ywinters.tumblr.com).

That night, Armin found himself staring dully at the ceiling of his dormitory with sunken eyes. It had been a while since he had allowed something to wound him like that.

The whole incident had been nothing but a blur. One moment he was screaming at Eren, and the next he was in the suffocating room, cradling his arms to his chest and sobbing. It had happened so fast…

Armin went to put an arm against his eyes, but stopped upon seeing the wounds cut sharply into his forearm. Instead, he numbly lowered it back to his side and pretended like he had never seen it, fingers grabbing the fabric of his comforter instead.

That night was one of Armin’s many sleepless ones, one where he tried to count sheep, one where he tried to read to calm himself down. Instead, he ended up counting scars and kept seeing his damaged arms in the light of his Kindle. Armin usually never regretted something so badly, but that was one of few things he wished he could undo in the snap of a finger.

Early the next morning, Armin got out of bed and headed to his dresser, beginning to change into a long-sleeved shirt when Jean opened the door to his room. Startled, the blonde struggled to slip the green sweater over his torso, but was unable to get dressed fast enough for his damaged arms to escape even Jean’s attention.

“Armin?” Jean said, stopping in his tracks. Unable to meet his gaze, Armin turned away from Jean and continued pulling the piece of clothing over his body, smoothing out the creases as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

“You’re up early,” he commented, walking over the refrigerator, struggling to ignore Jean’s gaze following him. 

Jean stood there for a few minutes, looking at his friend with shock. “What…?” He muttered, “Why?” Armin busied himself with digging out some leftover pizza, slapping it onto a plate and walking over to his usual spot at the wooden table. “Armin, please don’t ignore me.” Jean begged.

“It was a long day.” Armin grimaced, taking a bite out of the pizza. Solemnly, Jean made his way to Armin’s side and slowly pulled out his own chair, sliding into his seat.

“Did you put Neosporin on them?” Jean asked, eyes fixed on Armin’s covered arms. _Please stop looking,_ Armin internally pleaded. _I don’t want them to be there either._

Armin tried to speak but found no words were able to escape his lips. He tried again, clearing his throat. “I...I think Eren put some on.”

“Eren?” Jean pressed, “What the hell happened, Armin?” His hand reached out to cover Armin’s hand, but at the last moment Armin pulled his hand away to take another bite out of his pizza.

“I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Armin replied stubbornly. “It won’t happen again. I promise. Let’s just pretend they’re not there and that it never happened.”

Rubbing his eyes, Jean moved his hand to his hair, tugging at a lock. “...Alright. Do you need anything?”

Armin shook his head once, continuing to nibble at his pizza until only the crust remained. Sluggishly, he got to his feet and tossed the uneaten crust into the garbage bin. In the lethargic atmosphere of the room painted in the early light, the two boys remained, unable to say anything.

“Is this because of Eren and I?” Jean’s voice finally cut through the tension, his head turning to look at Armin. Stiffening, Armin turned around to face the other boy.

“I felt ignored and discarded. That’s all. I wasn’t thinking clearly,” he repeated. Jean’s fist slammed heavily against the wooden table, shattering the strain between them.

“I’m sorry.” Jean swallowed, his brown eyes staring at the table before him. “We….no, I… was so ignorant and dumb. I’ve been a shitty friend. And now I’ve been so caught up with another boy that I allowed you to fucking hurt yourself without even noticing until it was too late.”

“It’s fine,” Armin said hollowly, beginning to make his way towards the door to the hallway when Eren gingerly pushed it open. The blonde took a few steps back instead, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“How a-are you feeling, A-Armin?” Eren asked after a few seconds, closing the door behind him as he spoke. Armin shrugged, staring at Eren’s white shoes. They were dirty and more gray-ish from extended wear during a period of months, maybe years.

“I’m fine.” He said, raising his head firmly. “Is anyone up for Mario Kart?” A smile worked its way onto Armin’s lips. Really, he was just trying to convince himself that he was fine.

Eren’s lips pursed as he stared at Armin, brows furrowed tightly together. “...Alright.” He finally said, making his way over to Jean’s room. Behind them, Jean stood up and shoved his chair back in, walking over to his room and pushing it open. After the beanbag chair was pulled out and placed in front of the television, the three of them sat down on the lump, attempting to get comfortable.

For the first time, Armin sat in between the two boys. He reached for the Player 3 remote and turned it on. Jean selected a course, the cartoon lap appearing on the screen in a few moments. The first few courses were played in silence, no one able to say anything. 

Once Jean beat Eren for one of the first times, he looked over Armin at the boy and jabbed his finger into Eren’s forehead. “Who’s winning now?”

Eren shrugged him away and looked back at the screen, though a smile began to decorate his face. Slowly, the tension in the room began to ease away until all three of them began to laugh and shout back and forth at one another.

When Armin beat both Jean and Eren twice in a row on a course, Jean threw his hands in the air, mouth slightly ajar. “First I had to worry about Eren, now I have to worry about you stealing my thunder? Come on!”

Armin chuckled and shoved Jean in his side. “You’re getting soft.” He remarked coyly. Jean looked over Armin to Eren, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not getting soft! I beat Eren, didn’t I? It’s Eren who’s getting soft!” He said defensively.

Eren’s head swiveled immediately. “Am n-not!” He declared, reaching over Armin’s shoulder and pushing Jean so he fell off of the beanbag. Jean laughed as he fell into his side, immediately getting back up and laying across the two, pointedly trying to lay overtop Eren’s hands so he couldn’t control the Wii remote.

The fabric of Armin’s shirt rubbed up against his cuts, instantly reminding him of the mistake he made. Instinctively, he pulled his arms away and put them over Jean’s body instead. Both boys looked at him with concern but didn’t comment. Instead, Jean got up and to his feet.

“Does anyone want to go to Starbucks or something?” He asked, brushing the lint off of his pants. Armin stood up and extended a hand to Eren, who gratefully took it and stood up. “I’m meeting up with Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie. Which is why I’m up so early, actually. Do you two wanna tag along?”

“Sure. Oh, b-by the way, Armin, I t-tried that Hazelnut Machiatto the o-other day. It w-was good!” Eren exclaimed, stretching his arms above his head, shirt riding up slightly.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Armin said, smiling. “Onward, then?” Jean nodded and planted a kiss to Eren’s lips. For the first time since they had started dating, Armin didn’t feel nearly as jealous as he had in the past. Instead, he was more happy for them.

The three boys headed down the hallway and outside. It was a hot day, unfortunately for Armin, who was already beginning to feel suffocated in his sweater. As they walked down the cracked pavement and to the Starbucks, everything felt the same as it had before, if not for Armin’s long sleeves.

Jean pushed open the green door to the Starbucks, a blast of cold air hitting the three of them. Armin internally thanked air conditioning and walked into the small coffee shop. It was surprisingly uncrowded, with Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt sitting at one of the larger tables.

Upon noticing the group of boys, Reiner’s hand went straight into the air. Bertholdt waved timidly from behind his boyfriend, completed by Annie looking at them slightly and raising her chin in acknowledgement. Armin settled down next to Annie, whose jaw tightened. _Does she not want to sit next to me?_

Jean sat down beside Reiner while Eren began to pull out his chair, but stopped. Out of the corner of his eye, Armin saw Annie flash a look at Eren and get to her feet. “Be right back.” She said pointedly, walking out of the coffee shop with long strides. Everyone watched Annie step out into the heat, her figure resting against the glass windows. 

Eren sighed and pushed his chair in, turning to follow the small girl. Armin allowed his gaze to follow the boy as he walked over to the girl, arms folded over his chest. He turned back to the group, resting his arms on the table. Reiner leaned forward.

“So, how is everyone?” Reiner inquired, his tone gruff yet friendly. Jean yawned and stretched, closing his eyes as he did so.

“Exhausted. And speaking of which, I’m going to get some coffee.” With a bounce in his step, Jean half-skipped half-walked to the counter, Reiner heaving himself out of the chair and following Jean.

Across the table and a seat away sat Bertholdt, who was frowning slightly and looking at the corner of the table. Armin felt increasingly uncomfortable and squirmed slightly, opening his mouth to try and speak. Suddenly, Bertholdt began talking.

“Are you okay?” Bertholdt questioned, finally turning his head to look at Armin. Nervously, Armin forced a smile.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked, leaning forward slightly.

Bertholdt smiled softly. “Not everyone goes around wearing long sleeves in 86 degree weather, Armin.”

“I’m fine. Really.” Armin muttered, dropping his arms to his side. Without waiting for a reply, Armin stood up and walked over to order some coffee while Jean and Reiner returned, both holding two cold drinks in their hands.

As Armin ordered his drink, he kept looking outside to Eren and Annie. A very frustrated Eren was gesturing wildly, speaking with what seemed to be apparent anger. Annie would shake her head furiously and occasionally stomp her foot. _What are they arguing about?_

The blonde walked over to the countertop to wait for his drink, hands draped in front of him. In a few minutes, his iced Chai was complete. Taking a sip, he moved back to the table and sat down, glancing every now and then at Eren and Annie’s figures outside of the coffee shop, arguing frantically.  
\-------------------------------------------------

When Eren got outside, Annie was leaning on the window with her arms crossed over her chest and a serious expression plastered over her face. She didn't wait for him to get all the way outside before she started speaking, not making eye contact.

"What happened yesterday?" Her voice was low and concentrated, like she was holding herself back. But before Eren could answer, the glass door to the Starbucks swung open and Jean stepped out. 

“Hey, Eren, something came up and I’ve gotta head back to the room,” The other boy remarked, waving slightly at Annie. 

“Uh,” The brown-haired boy began, “I-is everything a-alright?” Fidgeting slightly, Jean grinned and swung in for a hug. 

“You betcha’. I just have to do some stuff at the dorm, so I’ll see you and Armin later, okay?” Leaning in, he gave Eren a quick smooch on the cheek and then jogged away down the sidewalk before the German could say goodbye. 

“....Now that that’s over with, I asked you a question. Something happened to Armin last night and I want to know what that thing was.” Annie’s tone was impatient when he turned back to her. Something in her expression had darkened even more, and it scared him. 

With a long sigh, Eren walked in front of her and crossed his arms as well. _How does she know these things?_ "I think y-you already know th-the gist of i-it," he muttered, sinking his eyes to the ground. Standing up straight, the blonde girl stepped forward, causing Eren to back away with a start. Her face showed anger, something uncommon for her.

" _This,_ " she gestured to the inside of the store, undoubtedly referring to Armin, "This is your fault. I tried to warn you and you didn't listen and something awful has happened as a result.”

"You th-think I d-don't know that?!" Throwing his arms to the sides, the brown-haired boy let his frustration show. _Why does she have to pour more salt in the wound?_ "I w-was an idiot, but I-I-I can't go b-back and ch-change how I acted, A-Annie!"

Her eyes darkening, the blonde girl retreated away and scowled at the boy in front of her, apparently at a loss for words.

"L-Look, I'm not g-going to do i-it again. This t-time, I'll be a-a good f-friend." Relaxing his muscle tension slightly, Eren ran one hand through his hair. For a moment, both of them were silent. Then, Annie spoke in a quiet voice, her tone strained as if it had been stretched.

"How am I supposed to believe that? More importantly, how is _he_ supposed to believe that?" Flipping the hair out of her eyes with one hand, she continued. "Trust doesn't just grow on trees. He trusted you and then you messed up and that faith isn't just going to come back at the snap of a finger." 

Letting out some air he had been holding in, Eren shoved Annie forward with one hand. She stumbled back in surprise. Her head snapped up, darkness in her eyes, but the brown-haired boy started speaking first. "I know! D-don't treat m-me like an i-idiot."

Spitting, she moved away and tried to regain her composure, leaning against the window. This was the first time that Eren had ever seen her express this much emotion. Inside the shop, Eren could see Reiner throwing an arm over Bertholdt’s shoulder and laughing. It was surreal to see others acting like they didn’t have a care in the world when….. these things had happened.

Lightly gesturing with one hand, Annie began to speak again. “You are not an idiot, Eren. You are a fool. There is a difference.”

Frustration surging into his mind once more, the brown-haired boy stepped forward slightly. “Wh-what the hell i-is th-that supposed to m-mean, _miststück_?!” He hissed, leaning towards the girl propped up against the window. 

“It means,” She drew out the syllables of her words and opened her eyes once more, making eye contact with Eren, “That you are not stupid. An idiot is stupid. A fool….. a fool is oblivious.”

Recoiling slightly, the German stepped farther out onto the sidewalk, almost into the street. _What….. is she trying to say?_ After a few seconds, he slowly spoke again, regulating his tone so as not to snap again. “A-Annie. You t-told me to pay a-attention, and n-now I am. I-I’m not oblivious, a-anymore.”

A laugh that sounded like ice breaking echoed out of Annie’s throat, and she threw her head into the air, tossing the hair out of her eyes. A pang of emotion suddenly made Eren’s chest tighten. Was it Anger? Frustation? He didn’t think so. Strangely enough, he didn’t even think it was guilt. The only word that could have come close to describing it was… remorse.

Taking a deep breath, Eren crossed his arms over his chest and stepped closer to the blonde girl, who was still chuckling. _Why is she treating me like this?_ Before he could say anything, however, she spoke again, her voice almost threateningly light in tone.

“You really don’t get it, do you?”

“D-don’t get what?” Eren asked, becoming extremely frustrated.

Sighing, Annie stood up straight and looked the other boy straight in the face, gently poking Eren in the chest with one finger. “I can’t be the one to tell you. You have to figure it out yourself, or he…..” She paused and looked at the ground. “Look, I’m sorry for yelling. You’re trying, I know, and I am grateful for whatever you did for Armin last night. Without you, he might be-”

Stopping, she grasped the brown-haired boy’s forearm. Eren didn’t reply, and instead turned his head slightly to the side, letting his bangs fall over his face. Her voice quiet but her tone forceful, Annie stepped slightly away and said, “You’re shaking. Take some deep breaths, you don’t want the others to see you like this. You look like you’ve seen the face of death.”

A small laugh escape Eren’s throat, and he looked down at the blonde girl. “I j-just wish you w-would tell me wh-what I’m m-missing.”

Silently shaking her head, Annie turned to go back into Starbucks. “I can’t, Eren. I wish I could, but it’s not in my place.”

A bewildered emotion left on his face, the brown-haired boy watched her retreat inside the building and walk to the table, pasting on an expression that said _I am bored and I don’t want to be here_ to everyone but Eren. He wanted to follow, but his legs wouldn’t move. _What am I missing? What is she talking about?_

Suddenly, the glass door to the Starbucks opened and Armin peeked his face out, smiling a little and holding out a drink in a clear plastic cup. “You coming? I got something new for you to try.”

A grin finally making it’s way onto his face, Eren shoved the hair out of his face and opened the door all the way. “Y-yeah, I’m c-coming. You d-didn’t have to buy m-me a d-drink, though.”

Handing Eren the pastel pink drink, the blond boy looked forward and smiled without opening his mouth. “It’s no big deal. I just thought that you might want to try something new. It doesn’t have any coffee in it--it’s called ‘Strawberries and Créme.’ I don’t know if it will be to your taste, but--”

Eren put his elbow on Armin’s shoulder and flashed a toothy grin. “Th-thanks, Armin. I’m s-sure it’s great.”

Before they got to the table, Armin started to walk slower and Eren matched his pace. Turning towards his taller friend, the blond boy’s smile faded slightly and he spoke quietly, “I just wanted to…. to thank you for what you did last night. It’s not enough, but….”

“You d-don’t need t-to thank me,” Eren started, feeling tightness in his chest once more. _What is this?_ “I m-messed up a-and it’s my fault th-that this happened.”

The shorter boy looked up, his face falling and a shocked expression making its way onto his face. Before he could say anything, though, Reiner’s hand fell on his shoulder. “Oi, I thought you two were gonna hang out with us! I’ve barely talked to you at all. We’re going to the park and I want you two to come, no buts.”

Trying to push away the tension in his lungs, Eren rolled his eyes and shrugged, turning to Armin. “Let’s g-go, then, s-since he obviously i-isn’t giving us a-a choice.”

The smaller boy still had a strange expression on his face, but a small smile appeared on his face, as if forced, and he nodded. 

Once the group had gotten out onto the street, Eren felt grateful for the fresh air. What with this feeling in his chest…. he wasn’t exactly excited about sitting in a crowded Starbucks. Armin, however, looked extremely uncomfortable and overheated, and he kept pulling on the sleeves of his sweater. Falling into the back of the group so that he could walk next to his friend, Eren nudged the blond-haired boy, who turned slightly towards him.

“A-Armin,” he whispered, “You sh-should just take that off. Y-you’re going to f-faint if you keep th-that on i-in this heat.”

Shifting uncomfortably and letting his hands that were tugging at the neckline of the sweater fall to his sides, Armin shook his head and muttered, “No, I can’t, I don’t want them to know.”

Mildly frustrated, Eren moved closer to the other boy. “I-I think th-they already know. Please t-take off th-that sweater, it i-is c-close to ninety degrees o-out.” Armin didn’t answer, and instead shifted slightly away. _I’m being too pushy_. Eventually, however, the blond boy began to slowly pull off the heavy sweater. 

Eren looked down at his hands, which were curled around the hem of the dark green sweater. _He’s shaking really badly,_ the taller boy realized, feeling guilty for pushing him. Reaching his arm over, Eren grabbed his friend’s hands. “You don’t h-have to. I-I just d-don’t want you to o-overheat.”

Smiling warmly up at the brown-haired boy, Armin continued to pull off the sweater. “No, you’re right…. I can’t hide it forever. I just….. can you try to stop them from asking about it?”

“Of c-course,” Eren answered, grabbing Armin’s hand and swinging both of their arms and looking into the sky. _He seems alright, but…._

“You know,” Armin blurted, “This reminds me of how we met.” He laughed and pulled his hand away, scratching the back of his neck and throwing his discarded sweater over the opposite arm. “Sorry, that’s stupid. Silly to think that I would follow the advice of a fortune cookie, right?”

The sunlight shone down on Eren’s head, and he looked into the clouds. They had only met a little over a month ago, and yet…. _I feel like I can say that he is one of the best friends I’ve ever had_. The brown-haired boy frowned. _Even if…. I am not a good friend in return_. As they passed into the park, he could hear Reiner’s loud, jovial laughter from a few yards ahead. _Maybe one day I can prove to him…. that I am worthy of his trust._

“No,” he disagreed, ruffling Armin’s hair with his hand and grinning widely, “It’s not silly at all.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chaps, I'll try to get on it. 
> 
> Remember to send questions about the fic to [my writing blog](http://ywinters.tumblr.com) or post them in the comments.

The time at the park passed swiftly, with Reiner making loud and obnoxious jokes, followed by a forced laugh from Bertholdt and a very annoyed glance from Annie. It seemed normal between the three friends, something that was to be expected. Behind them, Armin did his best to avoid drawing attention to himself, lest they ask about his injuries.

Bertholdt already knew. As for Annie, he had no idea if she noticed. And Reiner….well...Reiner was blissfully ignorant. 

Arms swaying at his sides, Eren tried to keep the conversation going. Comments about liking the Strawberries and Creme drink, an occasional remark about a new video game he had been playing. Armin did his best to respond and acknowledge his friend’s attempt at conversation, but found that words evaded him.

Stopping in front of them, Annie turned around and began to walk backwards. Tossing an occasional glance over her shoulder to make sure she was following the taller boys, she put her hands behind her neck. “So, Armin,” she began, intonation filled with boredom. Immediately, Armin straightened his back and adjusted his arms to try and hide his scars.

Annie waved her hand in the air as if to say, “you don’t have to feel ashamed.” Armin dropped his hands back to his sides, taking a deep breath as he did so. “What is it?”

“How’s studying going? Historia beginnin’ to understand everything?” Annie inquired, examining her nails as if she didn’t care. Armin scratched his neck awkwardly.

“I haven’t really...been studying recently,” he admitted, a blush creeping over his face. Annie nodded once and looked pointedly at Eren. 

“Why is that?” She continued, still staring at the other boy, who seemed to shrink beside Armin. Curiosity rising, Armin glanced from Eren to Annie and back at Eren.

“I’ve been too busy hanging out with Eren and Jean, I guess. Why?” He asked, finally deciding to look back at Annie. She raised an eyebrow, still fixed on Eren. Finally, she nodded and turned back around, arms swinging at her sides.

Beside him, Eren let out a sharp exhale. “What?” Armin asked, turning to look at him. “What were you two talking about earlier anyways?”

Eren slightly stiffened, pace falling a little slow. Armin slowed down to match his pace to Eren’s and continued to speak. “By the way...I….really don’t think what happened...er, yesterday I mean, I don’t think it was your fault. I...made a dumb mistake.”

Eren’s expression hardened. He rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Hey, guys!” He called out to the three in front of them. Reiner turned around to look at the other boys, Bertholdt following suit. Annie refused to turn around, walking between Bertholdt and Reiner. “Armin a-and I are gonna g-go. T-thanks for t-the drinks.”

Armin noticed Reiner’s eyes on his arms, followed quickly by an apologetic glance shot his way from the tall boy. Self-consciously, he hugged his arms close to his torso and dipped his head to let Reiner know he saw him. Bertholdt put up a hand in good-bye. “Thanks for tagging along! We’ll see you around. Bring Armin and Jean along again sometime.”

Eren grinned, “D-definitely.” Slinging an arm around the shorter boy, Eren turned them both around and began to walk back the way they came, to the dormitory.

“It’s not your fault,” Armin reiterated. “I’m the one that held the razor. No one here is at fault but myself.” 

Eren’s expression fell. “But it’s t-the events leading u-up to it t-t-that made you do it. I-I said I wouldn’t ignore y-you, but t-then I did. I-I kept pushing y-you b-back and throwing you a-away after I promised I-I wouldn’t.”

Armin looked at Eren with surprise, but chuckled and stuck out his tongue. “ _Du Idiot. Es war meine Schuld,_ ” You idiot, it was my fault. Eren stopped walking and widened his eyes.

“W-was that…? Did you j-just speak in G-German?” Eren asked, clearly shocked. “You w-weren’t kidding when y-you said you wanted to l-learn!”

Sheepishly, Armin rubbed his arm gingerly, turning a faint hue of red. “I needed something to do, and I guessed conversing with a friend in a new language would be interesting.” Eren’s eyes lit up, the sun sparkling off of them. His grin widened with every passing second until it seemed like it was too large for his face. _This is probably the happiest I’ve seen him._

“Thank you. I r-really mean it, A-Armin. Seriously. T-thanks.” Eren began to stride again, still beaming ridiculously. Armin found his smile contagious and felt one beginning to spread across his face. They probably looked unbearably stupid, but to be frank, Armin didn’t care.

As the two boys continued to walk back to the dorm room, they conversed slightly in German, occasionally reverting back to English when Armin didn’t know a certain phrase or word. Pushing open the door, Armin found it hard not to skip his way over to Jean’s room, rapping gently on the door.

In a few seconds, Jean pushed open the door, leaning against the threshold. “Hey, how was hangin’ with the Titan crew?” He asked, using the nickname for Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt.

“Fine,” Eren replied, leaning in to kiss Jean. Jean gave him a quick peck on the lips, returning to resting against the wooden frame. “W-we just walked a b-bit.”

“Reiner didn’t do anything too obnoxious after I left, right?” Jean asked, smiling. Armin shook his head and stretched his arms in front of him. 

“Why did you leave early anyways, Jean?” He inquired, tilting his head slightly to the left, bangs falling over his face. Jean paused for a moment and began to speak when his phone went off. His ringtone was a clip from Evangelion, an anime both Jean and Armin were incredibly fond of. 

“Sorry, I have to get that.” Without waiting for a response, Jean quickly walked over to his phone and answered it, expression melting into one of concern. “...Hi. Yeah, I know.” He pattered back over to the door and quickly closed it shut, leaving a very confused Armin.

Eren frowned and looked at the door for a few moments, deciding to go and sit on the edge of Armin’s bed. Armin followed suit, falling backwards onto the comforter and stretching his arms above his head. He pretended not to see the thousands of lines decorating his forearm, feeling an incredible sense of deja vu as he stared at the ceiling tiles. “Hope h-he’s okay,” Eren said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” Armin breathed. “More importantly, I hope he knows he can come to us for support.” Eren mused a ‘yeah’ and leaned back on his elbows, looking ahead at the dusty refrigerator.

“H-hey, I have a q-question f-for you,” Eren continued. Curiously, Armin turned to look at his friend, who was now turned to face the blonde.

“What?” Armin asked, sitting up slightly. 

“Annie s-said something about me b-being oblivious.” Paranoia washed over Armin’s body as he did his best not to react to Eren’s statement, feigning confusion. “I-is….there something I’m m-missing?”

“Naw,” Armin lied, hoping Annie didn’t mean his crush on Eren. “Annie’s weird. I haven’t got the faintest idea what she meant.” God, if his crush on Eren was so obvious….he’d be in a world of trouble.

Eren gnawed at his lip but nodded. “T-then….about that German.” he said, turning to Armin and smiling once again.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
 _To: Jaegerbabe  
From: Arschloch <3  
Time: 11:03pm  
Message:  
bad news. i have to leave town for a few weeks._

Eren was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when the message arrived. He had only just gotten back to his apartment a few minutes ago, after finally deciding that he was done waiting for Jean to finish his phone call. Only about ten minutes after he had gotten home and flopped onto his mattress, however, the screen of his phone had lit up, casting a blue tint over his room. 

Sluggishly, he leaned over and grabbed the phone, balancing the top half of his torso on the bedside table as he read the message. _Huh?_ He quickly typed out a reply and sent it, heaving himself into an upright position and leaning against the wall above his bed.

_To: Arschloch <3  
From: Jaegerbabe  
Time: 11:04pm  
Message:  
wie bitte??? why??_

As he waited for a reply, Eren bit his lip. Jean had seemed tense ever since he had left the group and gone home early, to be honest. It all felt a little overwhelming: Only the previous night he had found Armin… like he was. And now, something was going on with Jean. A deep sigh escaped his mouth that turned into a yawn. _I need to sleep._ A new message arrived.

_To: Jaegerbabe  
From: Arschloch <3  
Time: 11:07pm  
Message:  
some family stuff came up--my mom is really sick, she’s in the hospital. i need to be at home right now, i hope you understand_

It was as he had expected--a family-related issue. Eren hoped that Jean’s mother was okay. After all, the other boy talked about her every so often and she seemed like a lovely woman. He wanted to meet her someday, provided…. that things would be alright. _Gott, Eren. That’s an awful thought to have._ He mentally chided himself and tapped out and sent another text.

_To: Arschloch <3  
From: Jaegerbabe  
Time: 11:08pm  
Message:  
of course, take as much time as you need. when r u leaving_

The reply came almost instantly.

_To: Jaegerbabe  
From: Arschloch <3  
Time: 11:08pm  
Message:   
tomorrow morning, real early. like 4am or something. im driving and i want to get there asap_

So soon? Well, Eren couldn’t blame him. The brown-haired boy sighed and sunk farther into his pillow, holding his phone in the air above his face.

_To: Arschloch <3  
From: Jaegerbabe  
Time: 11:08pm  
Message:  
will i be able to see you before you leave? can i come over early tomorrow morning?_

When a text didn’t arrive for a few minutes, he set the mobile phone down on the mattress and laid down next to it, staring at the now-darkened screen. Part of him was a little worried about how he and Jean would fare with one of them gone. Not that either of them would cheat--he knew both himself and Jean well enough to know that that would never happen. His boyfriend was an ass, but if Eren knew him at all, which he did, he knew that the boy would never cheat. 

Still, they had only been dating for, what, a few weeks, maybe? Of course, they had been secretly making out in Jean’s room for about a week longer than that, but one could hardly consider that dating. He laughed a little in the darkness of the room and right as he did, a new text arrived.

_To: Jaegerbabe  
From: Arschloch <3  
Time: 11:13pm  
Message:  
no need, i’ll swing by your apartment before i leave for a goodbye kiss ;)_

Rolling his eyes, Eren typed out a quick reply, feeling drowsiness pulling at the edges of his eyes. Once it had sent, he plugged his phone in and fell asleep almost instantly.

_To: Arschloch <3  
From: Jaegerbabe  
Time: 11:14pm  
Message:  
yeah, whatever. i’m going to sleep but i’ll be waiting for you in the morning, make sure you deliver. i better get that kiss <3_

The next morning, Eren awoke to all of the covers being ripped off of his bed at once. _Oh, gott._ He opened his eyes to see Jean holding all of the blankets and sheets in tightly gripped fists and then letting them fall to the floor with a huge grin on his face. “Morning, sunshine.”

“O-oh, you a-absolute _pferd f-ficker,_ ” Eren muttered as he launched himself across the mattress and dragged Jean onto the bed with much fussing and scratching.

Once he had been forced onto the mattress, Jean crossed his legs and grinned from ear to ear. “Come on, that was funny. Besides, I could have done a lot worse. You once poured water on me to wake me up, remember?”

Chuckling, Eren grabbed Jean’s hand. “Y-yeah, I d-do remember.” He leaned in and gently kissed his boyfriend on the lips. When he pulled away, both of their smiles had faded slightly. “I-I…. J-Jean, I hope your m-mother is a-alright.”

“I hope so too,” he murmured, running one hand through Eren’s chocolate-colored hair. They sat in silence for a moment, then Jean sat up slightly and smiled again. “It won’t be that long. Unless, of course, a manly-man like you couldn’t _possibly_ manage without me, right?”

Eren jabbed the other boy in the chest playfully and then leaped off of the bed. “Y-you have to l-leave, right?”

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Jean scratched the back of his neck and shrugged apologetically, going over to the door with Eren. Once they got there, Eren started to grab the door handle but instead was shoved into the polished wood of the wall. Snickering, Jean leaned in and ran his fingers over Eren’s lips before kissing them. 

It was still dark in the apartment as the German wove his fingers into Jean’s two-toned hair, kissing him harder than he had been able to… in a little while. With everything going on with Armin and Jean’s family, it hadn’t been exactly easy to get some time alone in the last few days. 

Edging his knee in between Eren’s legs, Jean moved his mouth to his boyfriend’s jaw and then to his neck, lightly nipping and dragging his teeth along the skin. “D-don’t you h-have to…” Eren started to speak, but Jean just covered his mouth with his free hand.

“Come on, don’t you nag at me, too. I already got enough of that from Armin this morning,” he whispered into Eren’s skin, running his hand down Eren’s arm and tracing the veins on his wrist with his fingers. _Scheisse, er ist so….._ Eren let himself lean farther into the wall, having overcome the initial shock.

Tightening his grip in Jean’s hair, he dragged the other boy’s head up so that they could make eye contact. “Oh, d-did you think I-I’d let you run the sh-show?” He joked and then moved forward to kiss his boyfriend. Jean laughed into the kiss and then put some passion into it, putting his hands on Eren’s hips.

When he finally pulled away, Eren murmured, “ _Sie so verdammt heiß sind, wissen Sie das?_ ”

Of course, Jean just shrugged. “I have no idea what you just said, but I assume it’s a compliment of some kind so I’m just gonna go ahead and say that, yeah, you’re right, I’m pretty damn amazing.”

Laughing, Eren pulled open the door. “Get out of here, _schwachkorb_. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going.” Stepping out of the door, Jean pecked the other boy on the lips one last time. “Later, Jaeger.”

Smiling, Eren watched as his boyfriend walked down the stairs and out of sight. _I’m gonna miss seeing his stupid face_. Closing the door to his apartment and leaning into the wall, the brown-haired boy ran one hand through his hair and exhaled. _At least I’ve got Armin and the rest of the gang to hang out with._

Falling back into bed, his thoughts wandered to the golden-haired boy. Earlier that day, Annie had called Eren oblivious. He wanted to ignore her, but the German couldn’t help but remember all of the times that her intuition had been spot on. She noticed things that others would not, and he respected that. Now that her intuition had to do with him, however, it seemed like more of a curse than a blessing. _I’m missing something, she’s right. But what?_

As the sky lit up with the morning sunrise, Eren fell into a weak, dreamless sleep. In the parking lot below, Jean got into his car and turned the key. Soon, he was miles away on a road leading farther and farther away from the city and his friends.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the great feedback, it means a lot to us! Now begins the portion of the fic where you absolutely want to slap Eren into reality. Welcome.
> 
> As always, you can contact me about the fic on [my writing blog](http://www.ywinters.tumblr.com). I'll pass along any comments you send to there to Nikki.

Armin uncurled his body from the bed at around 6 am, finally forcing himself up and out of the plush mattress. He walked over to Jean’s now empty room and slowly turned the doorknob, watching it swing open. 

For quite possibly the first time since the two boys had become roommates, the small room was clean. Though Jean left behind nearly everything in the room, he had taken most of his video games with him. Something to pass the time, Armin assumed.

Of course, Jean left behind a few games. Noticing that Mario Kart was among them, Armin stooped down to pick up the game. A neon orange sticky note rested on its surface, with a note hurriedly scribbled out on it.

_Don’t let Eren reign champion! Take him down. I’m countin on you, Armin!  
\-- Jean_

Rolling his eyes, Armin removed the sticky note and slipped the game back into its respective slot. He stood in the room growing lighter with every passing second and ultimately decided to do some last minute pick up. Gathering the remaining clothes in his hands, Armin shoved them into a drawer in Jean’s room. Dusting himself off, he turned to leave the small closet-turned room, closing the door behind him.

The blonde checked his wristwatch for the time -- 6:37. Still way too early to see if anyone wanted to hang out. He sighed and went to get dressed. Hand hovering over the drawer to the long sleeved shirts, Armin shook his head and reached for his t-shirts.

He threw on an Owl City shirt and grabbed his wallet, heading outside to the Starbucks. Though it was still early in the day, the sun blared down on the sidewalk, which threatened to crack under its gaze. Armin began his trek to the dark green building, slipping his wallet into a pocket of his jeans. 

The door swung open with a soft squeak, closing behind Armin softly. He paused in the doorway for a moment and continued to walk inside, strolling up to the counter.

The barista looked familiar. He had black hair that was parted neatly at the middle, with thousands of freckles dotting his cheeks. _Marco._ He was the bartender from the night Armin had attempted to go out drinking, and Jean’s perpetually-busy friend.

“Hi, Marco.” Armin said, smiling softly. Marco looked up from whatever drink he was making, walking over to the counter. He put his weight forward.

“Hey, you’re the guy who was with the titan crew a few weeks back! Hi!” Marco exclaimed, expression lighting up. “Nice to see a familiar face so early in the morning.”

“Yeah, I thought you worked at a bar though?” Armin asked, scratching his cheek. Marco wet his hands on a towel.

“I work part time. It’s a little hard to get the funds to support my family and keep going to college, so I work two jobs.” Marco explained, pausing as his gaze went to Armin’s arms. He coughed awkwardly and continued to speak. “So what can I get you?”

Armin scanned the menu for a moment to see if anything different struck his fancy. “Um...I’ll just have a Green Tea lemonade.” Marco nodded and rang Armin up on the cash register.

After paying, Armin slid into a seat by the counter so he could continue talking to Marco and enjoy his drink. Soon enough, his name was called, drink sliding across the counter. Armin gratefully grabbed his Green Tea lemonade and returned to his spot by the counter, sipping at the drink.

“So, what are you doing up so early?” Marco continued from across the room, already getting to work on another customer’s drink. Armin rested his head in the palm of his hands.

“Insomnia. Plus, Jean woke me up early because he had to leave.”

Marco nodded and placed the drink on the counter. “Yeah, he told me pretty briefly that he had to skip town for a bit. Hope everything’s okay.” The freckled boy frowned slightly and wiped his hands on the same wet washcloth again. 

“I’m pretty sure everything will be okay. When it comes down to his family, Jean doesn’t mess around,” Armin mused, half to himself, half to Marco. He held the drink to his lips and took another sip of it. 

Conversation evaded the two boys for many minutes until Armin decided it was time to go. He hopped down from the counter, drink in hand, and began his way back to the dorm room. The blonde raised a hand in farewell to the other boy, who yelled out a goodbye just as the heavy glass door swung shut.

Standing in the bright sun, Armin contemplated what to do. The pool was nearby, and it was an incredibly hot day. Then again, he didn’t want to draw anymore attention to himself, what with his healing arms and all. He could go see Eren, but it was still much too early, and it was most likely that Jean had dropped by his apartment to say goodbye.

Armin’s legs began moving mechanically as he started his way back to the dormitory. Maybe now he could finally get some studying in. Smiling to himself, Armin began to take another sip of his drink when he bumped into someone. 

The drink tumbled from Armin’s hand but was neatly caught by the other figure, who brushed her bangs away from her face and handed the plastic cup back to Armin. “Oh. Sorry, Annie!” He exclaimed, moving a bit to the side.

Annie shrugged. She was wearing a tank top hoodie and a pair of black shorts. “No big deal,” she replied, looking at Armin from the side.

“Y-yeah,” Armin breathed, staring at the ground. 

“How are you?” Annie asked. Surprised, Armin looked up at the other girl. Annie hardly ever asked questions, much less inquire about their well being.

“I’m doing fine.” Armin said, running a hand through his hair. Annie nodded and walked over to a lightpost, leaning against it. She adjusted her tank top with one hand, staring Armin down. Feeling self-conscious, he shifted his weight to his other foot and back again.

“How’s stuff with Eren and Jean?” She continued, raising an eyebrow slightly. 

“Um...it’s fine? Jean left for home today.” Armin said, unwilling to look at the short girl. Annie took out her phone and began scrolling through something.

“I mean your jealousy,” She replied matter-of-factly, not bothering to look at him. Face growing hot, Armin clenched his fists.

“I’m not as jealous anymore.” He muttered, “But oh man, is it really that obvious?”

Annie locked her phone and slipped it away, looking up at Armin. She put one hand on her hips. “Eren doesn’t have the slightest idea, if that’s what you mean.”

“Um….how long have you known?” He spluttered, face growing warmer and warmer. Annie shrugged nonchalantly.

“Ever since the three of you hung out with us, I guess.” She adjusted her ponytail with one hand. “You shouldn’t be upset about it. Eren’s a...nice guy. He’s just oblivious. Give him some time.” With that, Annie pushed herself away from the pole and began walking down the street, away from Armin. “See ya.” She said, not turning around.

The blush finally began to subside from Armin’s cheeks as he watched Annie disappear around the corner. If Annie was the only one who knew, he’d be okay. But if word got around...Armin didn’t want to think about it. 

Finishing his drink, Armin began to walk back to the dorm room. He paused in the hallway, noticing the door was open. Curiously, Armin tip-toed his way down to the room and peered around the corner. The door to Jean’s room was also slightly ajar. 

Armin slowly closed the dormitory door and peeked into Jean’s room. Eren sat on the beanbag, playing a video game of some sort. It seemed to be a zombie game, with Eren controlling a man who looked to be about in his 50s, crouching behind walls and stealthily walking through rooms. A little girl, maybe about 14 or 15, would follow him.

Suddenly, a zombie grabbed the man and bit him. The screen faded to black and Eren muttered a German swear, leaning back into the cushion. “Hey,” Armin chirped.

Startled, Eren whipped around and breathed out upon noticing Armin. “ _Scheisse_ , A-Armin! You s-scared me!” He slowly turned himself back around and fell against the beanbag.

Armin jumped down beside him. “Whatcha playin’?” He asked, New York accent sounding surprisingly fresh. 

“ _The L-Last Of Us_ ,” Eren responded as the man and the teenager reappeared on the screen. “I-I’m surprised J-J-Jean l-left behind such a t-treasure.”

“Oh, yeah, I heard that game was really good. What’s it about, anyways?” Armin leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his knees. As Eren began to explain the plot leading up to where he was currently, Armin satisfied himself with watching the television screen.

It seemed Eren was not the best when it came down to stealth games, as he kept dying repeatedly. “Could I try?” Armin asked, turning to look at Eren. Nodding, the olive-skinned boy handed him the controller. 

Eren put his hands over Armin’s to point out the different buttons. For the second time, Armin felt his face burn with heat as Eren’s fingers brushed over his own. The blonde found it nearly impossible to concentrate on what Eren was saying, but nodded rapidly as often as he could. Too soon, Eren withdrew his hands from Armin’s. “...And t-that’s the basics,” he said, voice fading back in.

“Oh. Uh. Yeah,” Armin blurted out. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” He began to control Joel, the old man who seemed to be the protagonist of the game. Armin made sure to pick up bricks and various objects, using them to his advantage to drive away the zombies.

Soon enough, Armin had cleared the level. He relaxed his shoulders and leaned back against the beanbag as a cut scene began rolling. Beside him, Eren whistled. “You’re g-good a-at stealth games.”

“Thanks.” Armin replied, grinning. 

Unable to put the controller down, the two boys spent the rest of the day playing _The Last Of Us_ until they had beat the game at around midnight.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
For a few moments, Eren and Armin just sat there, staring at the screen in the now-dark room. Eventually, the blond boy stirred and murmured, “Wow, that was…. an amazing game.”

“I-I know, r-right?” He responded, turning to his friend. “Th-thanks for playing it w-with me.”

Biting his lip, Armin smiled and then stood up. “Man, I’m tired. Are you gonna, uh….” He paused and nudged the brown-haired boy gently in the arm with his foot. “Are you gonna take the bus home?”

A sigh escaping his lips, Eren stood up and slid his phone, which had been sitting on the mattress, into his pocket. “Ah, n-no, the bus s-system doesn’t run t-to my area th-this late. I-I’ll just walk.” Casting a glance outside, the taller boy grimaced at cloud moving in. _I hope it doesn’t rain._

Almost as if he had been reading Eren’s thoughts, Armin grabbed his friend’s arm. Looking down at the hand on his arm and then back up at the blond boy in confusion, Eren tilted his head to the side. Quickly moving his arm away, Armin explained, “Uh, I was just thinking: Why don’t you just stay here? I mean, Jean isn’t…” His voice trailed off and he shrugged.

Shifting uncomfortably, the brown-haired boy scratched the back of his head. “A-are you s-sure I wouldn’t be i-intruding?” 

“Yeah, I’m absolutely sure. I don’t want you to have to walk home in the rain.” Armin smiled and opened the door to the main room. Eren followed him, and the smaller boy picked up a towel that was hanging off of the end of his bed. “Sorry to bug out,” he shifted from one foot to the other and gestured his head towards the bathroom, “But I’m going to take a shower. Make yourself comfortable, I guess? You’re welcome to any of the food in the fridge. But you probably already knew that.”

“A-alright,” Eren replied, and his friend retreated into the bathroom. Left alone in the strangely empty dorm, he slowly slid into a folding chair at the table. _He seems like he’s doing better, but is he really?_ Thinking back to his conversation with Annie outside of the coffee shop, Eren winced slightly. Even though Armin had said that he wasn’t missing anything, the German wasn’t sure that he believed that.

Leaning farther into the chair and stretching out his legs, Eren looked at the ceiling. _What am I even doing?_ Swim practice had continued in the last few weeks, of course, and his breaststroke was getting better, but he hadn’t been able to replicate the speed of that day a few weeks ago and he could tell that Shadis was getting a little frustrated. If he didn’t step up his game…..

Eren sighed and stood up, looking around the room. It was fairly neat, especially since Jean had taken the time to clean a little before he left, an effort he was sure that Armin appreciated. Unlike the other boy’s room, however, Armin’s portion of the dorm had walls that were covered in, wow, a lot of posters.

Walking over to the bedside table, he picked up a picture frame. It looked like it had been taken a few years ago, as everyone photographed looked younger. In it, Historia had her arm slung around Armin and Ymir was leaning on the blonde girl’s shoulder. On the other side of Armin was a girl with brown hair pulled into a ponytail. Maybe he would ask his friend about her later, if it somehow came up in conversation.

In the bottom of his vision, Eren saw a piece of paper sticking out of the drawer of the bedside table. It would be rude to rummage around in his friend’s things, but…. _This is wrong, I shouldn’t be doing this._ He grabbed the drawer and pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper. Carefully unfolding it so as not to rip it, he examined the contents. On the top of the page were the beginning of what appeared to be Pre-Calculus notes from when Armin was in High School. Below was a messily-scrawled written conversation, obviously the result of passing notes.

_U talk to him yet?  
 **no, i don’t want to. he wouldn’t talk to me anyway.**  
I think he would!! you have to at least try or it’s pointless  
 **it’s too late. the whole school knows and he hates me now**  
Don’t be such a dope. he’s not the person to hate you over something like that. even if it wouldn’t work, you have to eat least try or your friendship will be ruined! Don’t you at least want that?  
 **no. i never want to talk to him or anyone but you or historia or ymir ever again.**  
Ugh, you’re so stubborn. talk to him and I’ll take you out to lunch sometime, deal? ;)  
 **no deal. leave it, i can’t do it….. i can’t face him after what everyone is saying about me. you’ve heard.**  
Yeah, I have, and no one in their right mind would believe that about you.  
 **but half of it is true. and why do you even care so much??? it’s not like you would tell connie how you felt if i just told you to.**  
Hey, that’s different. connie is different.  
 **because you’re a girl and you like a boy?? is that how it’s different?** _

After that, there were no more responses. Based on the photograph from before, he guessed that the girl in the written conversation was the brown-haired one from the photograph. _He wasn’t exaggerating about being bullied. High school must have…. been hell for him._ Eren sighed and folded the paper back the way it was. _I wouldn’t have been able to get through it. He’s stronger than I am._

Hearing the shower turn off, Eren rushed to put the paper back in the drawer exactly the way it was, and then raced over to the chair, sitting down again. In a few minutes, Armin came out with wet hair and a fresh shirt and pants. Seeing his friend at the table, he grinned. “Didn’t get into any trouble while I was in there, did you?”

“C-course not,” Eren lied, resting one elbow on the table, “I’ve been s-sitting here th-the whole time, bored o-out of my mind. It t-took you long e-enough.”

Rolling his eyes, the blond boy threw his towel over the bed frame once more. “Why don’t you go into the other room and get some sleep?”

Sticking his tongue out, the German stood up and made his way into Jean’s room, muttering, “Y-You’re not my _r-real_ mom.”

Once he slipped into the room, Eren threw the blankets off of his boyfriend’s mattress. _It’s too damn hot in here for those_ , he thought, putting his arms behind his head and staring at the ceiling. _And I’m not really that tired yet._

After a few minutes, the door opened, flooding the room with light. Armin stepped in. “Sorry,” he muttered, making an apologetic face, “I left my phone in here.” After picking up the phone, he opened the door and started to leave before Eren sat up.

“W-wait.” The other boy stopped in the doorway and turned his head to look at Eren, who continued speaking. “This i-is basically a sleepover, r-right?” Armin shrugged. “Oh, c-come on. Wh-where’s the fun in a s-sleepover where we _sleep i-in different rooms?_ Doesn’t th-that kind of d-defeat the point?”

Armin scratched his head. “Um.”

Not waiting for a reply, the brown-haired boy jumped up and close the door before Armin could leave. “Th-this is no fun. You’re s-sleeping in here.”

Looking uncomfortable, for reasons that Eren could not decipher, Armin eventually shrugged slightly and set his phone down on the small dresser next to the mattress. “Alright, whatever.” 

“Y-yessss,” Eren grinned from ear to ear and flopped down on the bed, sticking his hands behind his head once more. _The last time I hung out with a friend like this was probably over a year ago_. He jabbed Armin, who had laid down on the very edge of the mattress, in the rib with his elbow. _This is fun_. The blond boy turned towards him, looking mildly annoyed. “What was that for?!”

“For b-being lame.”

Armin laughed a small, weak laugh. “Alright, Eren. Goodnight.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT FEAR, KIDS, FOR I AM HERE, ON TIME, WITH THE NEW CHAPTER. WOO-HOO. PAT ME ON THE BACK, HUH?
> 
> Really, though, thanks for all the good feedback. Means the world to Nikki and I. Keep on leaving it. Unfortunately, we might have to cut down to a two update a week schedule since we're, er, running out of written chapters. We're about halfway through what's written so far and we don't want to go on hiatus, so I'll probably make that change next week so that we'll be updating on Mondays and Thursdays. Sorry about this, but it's better to have less chapters in a week than a huge void of chapters for three weeks later on, right?
> 
> As always, send questions about fic universe, etc. to [my writing blog](http://ywinters.tumblr.com).

Curling himself into a small ball, Armin did his best to stay as far away from Eren as possible without falling off of the bed. He did everything in his power to not focus on the boy to his right, who had fallen asleep a few moments ago, breathing gently. 

Why Eren had insisted on having Armin remain in the room, he didn’t know. In fact, Armin didn’t want to know. He tried not to dwell on the subject for too long, but found his mind continuing to wander back to the topic.

A quick glance over his shoulder ensured that Eren was asleep. Slowly, Armin unraveled himself and softly hopped out of the bed and onto the carpet. He walked over to the beanbag cushion, still resting in the middle of Jean’s old room, and sat down on it as quietly as he could.

Armin was unsure if he was annoyed or mad with Eren. It wasn’t like Eren hadn’t stayed the night before. Besides, Annie knew how horribly head-over-heels Armin was for the brown-haired boy, and he didn’t want anyone else to know.

Plus, the offer of sleeping in the same bed was not the best for Armin. He was trying so hard to get over his crush on the other boy, and now Jean had to leave and then Eren had to do this. Armin rubbed at one of his eyes and yawned, falling back against the beanbag.

It wasn’t like Eren was available now. It was just a long-distance relationship -- which was fine with Armin. Besides, Jean would be returning in a few weeks, provided his mom turned out to be okay. There was no point remaining stuck on Eren.

Suddenly, the body in the bed stirred lightly and Eren rolled over onto his side, facing Armin. His eyes were open as he looked at his companion and grinned. “You weren’t asleep very long,” Armin said from the beanbag. Eren scooted a little closer towards the edge of the mattress.

“I n-never fell a-asleep.” He replied pointedly. Armin flushed a faint shade of pink. He had been so sure that Eren had fallen asleep. “Oh, yeah. W-who’s the girl in t-that photograph? T-the o-o-one with the p-ponytail.”

 _He must be asking about Sasha._ “The one with the brown hair, right? That’s my friend Sasha. We went to high school together.” Eren nodded and adjusted his pillow to face his friend better.

“How d-did you two m-meet?” He inquired, pushing the blankets off of him.

“Um,” Armin mused, drawing a blank. “I think we were in the same English class Freshman year and she asked me if she could have my potato chips. Then we just started talking about music and books.” Yeah, that sounded about right. Just like Sasha.

“Cool!” Eren exclaimed, voice a little too loud in the night air. “W-what other friends d-did you have?”

Memories Armin would have liked to forget shot through his mind. He frowned. “Ymir, Historia, a boy named Connie, Sasha…I was friends with a guy named Nick, but long story short we got in a fight.”

Eren sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “....Well…..that s-sucks.” He said awkwardly. Armin rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, trying hard to forget about everything when Eren spoke again. “W-what happened?”

Armin froze and shifted his weight forward. “Well,” he began softly, not really wanting to talk about the subject but knew it couldn’t be avoided. In the silence, Eren slipped off of the bed and leaned against the frame, putting his hands to his side. “I kind of mentioned what happened during the whole….erm, incident at the bar a few weeks ago.”

Eren nodded, seeming to understand what Armin was getting at and began to speak. “Oh. Uh, i-if it makes you u-uncomfortable, you d-don’t have to bring i-it up.”

“No, it’s fine. I can’t go running from my past forever. Sorry in advance if I freak out or anything.” Armin apologized, wrapping his arms around his legs. Deja vu nagged at him in the back of his mind, and pretty soon Armin remembered what this reminded him of. That night at the bar when he had a panic attack. “So, you know I’m gay. Well, considering that I was never really into sports or anything, I got called a lot of pretty bad names.” 

“At first it hurt pretty badly, but I guess over time I got used to it or something. Sasha and Historia really helped me out a lot.” Armin curled his fingers under his toes, continuing. “After I met Ymir and Connie, everything kind of died down for a while because, well, as you know, Ymir’s really scary.”

“Nick and I had Biology together in Freshman year. We actually sat next to each other, now that I think about it. He would keep getting confused with what the teacher was talking about, and I would keep helping him out, and then eventually he brought his lunch over to me and my friends and asked if he could join us.”

Eren remained quiet, attentively listening. It was the most focused Armin had ever seen him -- perhaps even more so than when he was playing Bioshock or Payday 2. “I guess over time I started liking him or something. I don’t know. Then, because we were spending so much time together, the rumors started up again. At first it was small stuff, but then it got to the point that I’d start getting tripped in hallways. I think they started teasing Nick, too, because then he began to stray away from our group and go sit with some other friends.”

“He got along really well with other people, so it was easy for him to slip into another group of friends. Pretty soon, all of the bullying was concentrated towards me. It was never anything bad enough to get them in trouble, but it still happened. For some reason I still really liked Nick.” Armin paused, beginning to shake slightly as he began to recall what happened. He closed his eyes shut tightly, digging his fingers into the underside of his feet.

“I got the stupid idea to tell him how I felt. So I did. He just…” Armin bit his lip and moved his hands to his hair, putting his elbows on his knees. He began to shiver uncontrollably, everything flooding back to him. Eren reached out and put a hand on Armin’s knees in an attempt to calm his friend down. “He called me a faggot and shoved me over. And that was that. I guess it got around school pretty fast, because soon enough people would laugh in the hallways and move away if I got close. Sasha’d try to get me to talk to Nick, but I didn’t want to. I...I couldn’t face him.”

“Then he started calling me names and he became the guy who would attack me on my way out of school. It got really bad...really, really bad. I started self harming, and from there it all went really downhill. Ymir and Historia would start tagging along with me in the hallways to make sure no one would get to me, occasionally skipping their own classes to make sure I was okay. And I was so fucking useless that I couldn’t even stand up to him or yell at him to leave me alone.”

“Armin, I…” Eren mused, eyes wide with concern. He moved closer to the blonde and reached out, putting his hands firmly on top of his friend’s. 

“One night I kind of freaked out and cut a little deeper than I meant to. I vaguely remember driving to Ymir’s house and just standing there in front of the door, arms dripping with blood. There was so much… I must have blacked out or something, because next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital.” Armin closed his eyes and exhaled, slapping his hands on his knees. “And there you have it. That, in great summarization, was my high school experience.” he concluded.

“I….I’m so s-sorry that had to h-happen to you.” Eren managed to get out, dropping his hands back to his side. “J-Jesus, no wonder you d-didn’t talk about it b-before.”

Smiling wryly, Armin nodded. “Yeah. Not the best four years of my life, as everyone likes to put it.” 

“Well.” Eren said, “N-now that you’ve talked a-about your high school life, i-it’s my turn! It’s o-only fair that I-I r-return the favor.”

The shaking finally began to subside, and Armin was finally able to relax and rest into the navy blue fabric of the cushion. “If you want.”

“While my story i-isn’t nearly as heart b-breaking as yours w-was, it d-does have its ups and downs, I g-guess. I-in Germany, most parents e-e-expect nothing b-but the best. That applies t-to literally everything, by the w-way, from grades t-to sports to art. I’ve never been t-the s-smartest guy in the classroom, so I e-ended up going swimming to g-get my frustration out.”

“I-it all started out p-pretty okay, but then my parents f-found out about m-my swimming and they turned i-it into a c-competitive thing. Without m-my knowing, they s-signed me up f-for my school’s swim team, a-and kept telling me how e-excited they were that I-I was finally good at s-something.” Eren scowled, scratching his cheek with a finger.

“So, my only way o-of venting ended up t-t-turning into a-another factor of stress. I-I started taking it out o-on my parents and s-screaming at them. Pretty s-soon w-we grew apart. My mom k-kept telling me how d-disappointed she was i-in me and my grades. My dad, o-on the other h-hand, never r-really acknowledged anything I d-did.”

“Even when I b-beat my past records, my m-mom would k-keep comparing me to other swimmers a-and a-asking why I’m not as good as them. A-as you can expect, I k-kept getting really mad. Finally, o-one day I yelled at them and t-told them I-I wanted to quit. Dad f-freaked out on me a-and told me t-that I had to, because I n-needed t-to get the money. I a-always knew w-we were really low o-on funding, but i-it turned out that my p-p-parents had been s-scraping together everything t-they had to keep m-me in school.”

“After that I s-stopped getting angry w-when they kept p-p-pressuring me. It was s-still hard t-to deal with, but...w-what happens, happens. J-just barely they were a-able to send m-me off to college. From there I-I was a-able to sign up for the e-exchange program. Partially b-because I wanted to g-get out of the s-stress, a-and partially because I h-heard the USA w-was a great place where I c-could really h-hone my skills.”

Eren slouched against the frame, his shoulders slightly digging into the metal frame. “So I came. M-my college managed to g-get me in for a-almost-free, but it kind o-of worked like a s-s-scholarship. I’m r-really only here because I c-can swim. S-so now I have t-to hope I g-get picked up by a s-swim team that pays well, a-and from there I’m hoping t-that I can provide my family w-with everything t-they need.”

“That doesn’t r-really encompass m-much in my high school life, b-but I-I guess it’s enough!” He said, flashing a toothy grin. “That w-was more of ‘why I’m h-here’ rather than my ‘h-high school experience.’ Sorry b-bout getting s-sidetracked.”

Unable to say anything, Armin just shrugged. “You shouldn’t apologize.” He moved over to the other boy, sitting beside him. He crossed his legs in front of him, their legs slightly brushing against each other’s. “You’re a good person, Eren.” The blonde murmured, looking at the carpet. 

Eren turned pink, his blush spreading all the way up to his ears. “Thanks, Armin. I’m r-really glad I-I met you.”

Feeling a wave of drowsiness overpower him, Armin allowed his head to rest against the taller boy’s shoulder.

 _I am too, Eren. I am too._  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
“Where’s your god damn spark, Jaeger?” Coach Shadis’ voice drilled into his brain as he shoved his body through the water. _Not again_. “Where’s the speed on your breaststroke I saw a few weeks ago? These times are crap!”

Finally finishing his last lap and pulling himself up on his elbow over the edge, he didn’t make eye contact with the older man currently glaring at him and instead pulled off his swim cap and tossed it onto the ground in front of him. “I’m t-trying, I-I swear. I don’t know wh-what made me s-so fast that d-day but I-I’ll make that t-time again, eventually.”

Stepping away with a grimace that the brown-haired boy saw in the top of his vision, Coach Shadis sneered, “You had better follow through. I want you to swim that breaststroke at regionals and get us to state.” The old man moved away to go yell at someone else.

Groaning, Eren grabbed his swim cap and heaved himself out of the water. _This is ridiculous, my backstroke is my best stroke and he knows that._ He grabbed his water bottle off of the bench and pulled off his goggles, heading to the changing rooms. There were showers at the complex but they were always not quite warm enough and the flow was too weak to really get the chlorine off, so he went back to his apartment to shower most days, if he wasn’t in a rush. 

Someone nudged his elbow and spoke with a cheery voice, “Well, I’m not a swimmer, but you looked pretty fast to me.”

Whirling his head around, Eren’s eyes opened wide. “A-Armin? What a-are you doing h-here?”

The blond boy shrugged and leaned against the wall. He had a book in one hand. “You told me all that stuff last night and I got curious. I was in the area anyway, so I thought I’d stop by and check out your swimming skills. I wasn’t disappointed--you’re really good.

Sighing, Eren flicked his eyes from Armin to the dressing room. “C-Coach Shadis doesn’t s-seem to think so. A-anyway, I’m gonna g-go get changed. If y-you wait, we can h-hang out afterwards.”

“Sure,” the other boy grinned and gestured to the exit. “I’ll wait outside.”

Eren nodded and then entered the dressing room. _What is he doing here? I don’t want him to think….. he doesn’t need to see Shadis being such an ass_. Quickly retreating to the lockers, he pulled out a tank top and jeans, stripped off his suit and threw on the new clothes. All of a sudden the air conditioning came on full blast and he shivered. Without delay, he jogged out of the changing room and into the lobby where Armin was waiting.

The other boy was looking down, his book open on his lap. “What a-are you reading?” Eren asked, walking up to him and pasting a smile onto his face. Upon hearing his friend’s voice, Armin promptly closed the book and held it up so that Eren could see the title. 

“Wuthering Heights. I’ve read it dozens of times but I still love it.”

Laughing, the brown-haired boy scratched the back of his neck. “I read th-that one in high s-school. In German, o-of course. The English w-would be t-too complicated for m-me to read, unfortunately. Maybe s-someday, though. ”

“Yeah, maybe! If you need help, I’d be happy to give it,” the blond boy grinned and held his book to his side. “So, is there anything special you wanna do?”

Eren shifted his athletic bag on his shoulder and thought for a moment before speaking. “Uh, n-not really. I-I was just going t-to go home a-and make some f-food for lunch. You could c-come with me, i-if you want.”

Fidgeting with his hands a tiny bit, Armin grinned. “I’d love to. Jean has told me many times that your cooking is to die for so I think it’s time that I make sure he’s not biased.” The blond boy bit his lip and continued to smile as Eren rolled his eyes.

“Y-yeah, okay. I-I’m not that good, I d-don’t know what J-Jean is saying.”

“We’ll see about that,” Armin raised an eyebrow and opened the door for the other boy, who graciously went through. The late-morning sun shone down on his wet hair and Eren looked at the sky. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. 

“Beautiful day,” he whispered, and Armin kept walking in front of him.

“It is,” the other boy remarked, turning his head over his shoulder. “You coming?”

Pulling himself back into reality, Eren smiled and started walking. “Y-yeah.” As they walked to Eren’s apartment a few blocks away, Armin talked about the books he was reading and about how the interpretation of various pieces of literature by his professor were actually a bit warped and he didn’t agree with said interpretations. Eren had a hard time following the conversation, especially since the blond boy used a lot of words that he didn’t recognize, but he was glad to see his friend happy.

Eventually, they reached the building and the two of them went up the stairs to his door. Turning the lock, Eren let the other boy in, who immediately made himself comfortable on the couch. “I like how light it is in here,” he remarked, turning towards the window and staring out into the city.

“M-me too. It makes me f-feel less c-cramped.” Closing the door, he paused in the front of the room and set down his bag. “Back h-home, my family l-lives kind of o-out in the countryside, so l-living in the city i-is a little weird.”

Nodding, Armin continued to look out the window and Eren stepped into the small kitchen. The blond boy always liked coming to his apartment, probably because it was so open. Eren had picked it, himself, because the light calmed him down. It would make sense that Armin would feel the same way.

The brown-haired boy pulled out a pan and set it on the stove with some butter. _Does he get lonely in that dorm, I wonder, now that Jean isn’t there?_ Sending a sideways glance into the other room, he saw that his friend had pulled out his book once more and was quietly reading. Eren turned back to the stove and swirled the butter around the plate, adding some spicing.

After a few seconds, he tossed some potatoes into the pan and stirred. Moving to the refrigerator, the German pulled out some sausage and carrots from the day before and placed them in the microwave. Behind him, in the other room, he heard Armin yawn. _Maybe I could….._ Eren stirred the contents of the pan and thought to himself. It might be a good idea. He had plenty of room, at least.

Pouring the potatoes onto two separate plates and dividing up the microwaved food, he carried it out to the table and handed one of the plates to Armin. “Wow,” the other boy said, sniffing the food, “This looks….. amazing.”

Running one hand through his hair, Eren sat down. “Some of i-it is yesterday’s l-leftovers, I’m s-sorry. I d-didn’t f-feel like making an e-entirely new meal.”

The blond boy took a bite and his eyes widened. “Wow, this is…. amazing.” He looked up at Eren. “Holy _shit_ , Jean was right.” Bashfully, Eren leaned into the chair.

“It’s not _that_ good--”

“Oh my god, Eren, it was good enough to make me cuss about it. That doesn’t happen, like, ever. Give yourself more credit, this is amazing. You could do something with this skill.” Armin pointed his fork at the other boy and then continued to dig in. Blushing, Eren picked at his food for a few minutes, taking a few small bites. Eventually, he cleared his throat and Armin looked up at him.

“Uh, A-Armin,” he started, scratching his forehead, “I-I was j-just thinking. I mean, i-it must get a l-little lonely in th-th-that dorm w-without Jean around, right?” Armin didn’t answer and just tilted his head to the side a little, waiting for Eren to go on, which he did. “So I-I wanted to i-invite you to s-stay here while he’s g-gone, if y-you want.”

The blond boy’s eyes widened and he put down his fork, winding one finger in his hair. For a few seconds there was silence and Armin looked out the window. Then, after a moment, he turned back. “That’s a nice offer. I do… I mean, the dorm is a little bit empty without Jean. I’ll think on it.”

“J-just let me kn-know,” Eren replied, smiling gently in the sunlit room and stretching his arm behind his head. His muscles were still tired from practice. As he looked over at the blond boy who was in turn looking at the window, he grinned a little and then closed his eyes. 

He would miss Jean, yes--his laugh, gaming with him and yes, even his annoyingly sarcastic attitude. Still, it wasn’t like he didn’t have anyone to hang out with, and Armin was more than he could ask for in a friend. Maybe he would even help him study, since Eren’s grades in Calculus had been falling as of late. 

Suddenly, Armin turned his head and looked the brown-haired boy dead in the eye. “Hey, Eren?”

“Y-Yeah?” He answered, snapping himself back to attention.

Armin let go of the air he had wound around his finger and sighed. “I just thought…. I mean, you shouldn’t listen to Shadis. Listen to him from the standpoint that he’s your coach, but don’t listen to all the nasty stuff he says. You need to stand up to him and tell him that you think you’ll do better with a different stroke.”

Shifting in his chair Eren leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. “Okay….. I-I’ll try. But I h-have to be careful o-or I could l-lose the s-scholarship.”

“I know.” The other boy turned back to the window. “But you’re worth more than what he says about you, I hope you know that.”

Eren didn’t answer and instead just let his head fall and looked at the ground, running his fingers through his hair. It was true that not everything Shadis says was right, but sometimes it was hard to block out all the names he called the brown-haired boy. Besides, he had gotten used to being pushed in this way--his teachers had done it, his parents continued to do it and now Shadis was jumping on the bandwagon as well. It wasn’t that unusual.

Sighing, he stood up. “W-wanna go see a-a-a movie?” He suggested, leaning his head towards the blond boy. Armin shrugged and stood up.

“Sure,” his friend replied, grabbing his jacket off of the couch. The two of them stepped over towards the door, which Eren opened. Stepping out into the hallway that smelled like dust, he sighed and spoke.

“U-uh, Armin?”

The blond boy turned around, his hair golden in the illumination of the skylight. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! Next week we're moving to a Monday/Thursday update schedule because we're starting to run out of chapters (oops). Thanks for all the awesome feedback, everyone!
> 
> Send any questions about the fic to [my writing blog](http://chrololucilfer.tumblr.com).

After the movie, the two boys stepped out of the theater and back into reality, stretching their legs and arms. They remained there in the fading sunlight, watching the sun disappear behind the tops of the trees until finally Eren spoke.

“So, w-what do you want t-to do now?” He asked, turning his head slightly to face Armin. Armin moved to stand beside his friend, rubbing at his eyes.

“Maybe we should drop by the dorm so I can get some stuff?” Armin returned, shifting his weight to the side. “I mean, if it’s really okay for me to stay.”

Eren waved off Armin’s concerns with a wave of his hand. “D-don’t worry about i-it! I-it’s the best I c-can do for n-now.”

Still feeling like he was intruding on Eren’s private life, Armin just nodded his head, uncertainty dashing his words. “Alright, if you’re sure.” A pause lingered in the air for a few minutes until Eren slapped his palms against his thighs.

“We should g-get going, then!” He announced, already beginning the trek towards the dormitory. Armin promptly began to follow Eren, speeding up his pace slightly until the two were walking side by side. 

Once they reached Armin’s dorm room, they began to gather up some of Armin’s stuff together. They began with clothes, taking enough articles to last about two weeks, and moving from there to getting some bathroom necessities.

Soon enough, a small pile had accumulated on the ground in a sloppy mess. Armin pushed everything into his suitcase, which seemed nearly empty. Eren peered over the blonde’s shoulder and into the almost-empty case.

“Too empty,” Eren remarked. Rolling his eyes, Armin grabbed a bunch of books off of his cream drawers, placing them on top of his clothes unceremoniously.

“Good enough for you?” Armin asked sarcastically, dusting his hands off. Eren chuckled and helped Armin zip the case shut, throwing it over his shoulder as he did so. “You do realize it has a handle you can pull it with, right?” Armin continued, pointing to the handle.

Eren’s cheeks turned slightly pink as he realized there was indeed a retractable handle. He pulled it out, beginning to walk down the hallway. When Armin hesitated to follow, he stopped and turned around. “You coming?” He half-shouted, tilting his head to the right.

“Yeah, yeah! I’m on my way!” Armin yelled back, running a cloth over the table and dresser to pick up some remaining dust. Satisfied, he placed the cloth by the sink and ran out the door, swiftly closing and locking it behind him. He dashed over to Eren, who was still waiting for Armin patiently.

Eren dragged the suitcase behind him, occasionally remarking about how light it was. “Okay, would you rather I filled the suitcase to the top or something?” Armin finally asked, throwing his hands in the air.

“Nnnnnnooooo.” Eren said, drawing out the word. Rolling his eyes, Armin started to run, turning his head to shout a “race you!” over his shoulder.

Behind him, the clatter of Eren’s steps pounding against the sidewalk echoed as he approached the boy. Suddenly, Eren’s foot hit the suitcase and he tripped, falling over onto his stomach. In front of him, Armin couldn’t help but laugh, slowing down and walking back to help Eren up.

Eren was on his knees, laughing really hard, hand on his stomach as he did so. His knee was skinned, but the German didn’t seem to notice, head thrown back as he continued to laugh. After the laughter had subsided, Eren swiped at his eyes. “I f-forgot I w-was carrying that d-damn suitcase!” He gasped out, picking up the black case with his hand and beginning to drag it across the pavement again.

“Are you okay?” Armin asked, his own laugh receding. “You skinned your knee pretty bad.” Startled, Eren stopped and stuck his leg out in front of him. A bit of blood began to trickle down his calf.

“Oh, so I h-have!” He said, obviously surprised. He shrugged his shoulders and began to walk again. “I-I’ll disinfect it l-later.”

The apartment complex shifted into view. Slowly and carefully, they began their way to Eren’s apartment, traveling up the stairs. Armin paused on a level, allowing Eren to pass him with the suitcase, awkwardly shuffling by him. “Do you want me to get it?”

“It’s not h-heavy! B-besides, you’d p-probably fall over or s-something.” Eren said, flipping his head slightly to get his bangs out of the way. By the time they had made it up the flight of stairs, Eren was blowing at his hair to try and get the remaining locks out of his view.

Armin pushed them aside for his friend, who grinned and muttered a thanks. The blonde took the suitcase from Eren while he unlocked the door to his apartment, stepping into the room and gesturing for Armin to follow.

Armin stepped over the threshold and carried his suitcase to the couch. Eren hovered beside his friend, leaning forward onto the back of the couch. “I’m going to g-go disinfect my knee n-now. B-be back in a bit.” Armin nodded and fell overtop the couch’s arm, sliding against the cushions. He stared at the ceiling, watching the fan’s blades pierce the air until Eren’s face suddenly appeared. 

“Boo!” He shouted. Armin jolted upright, grabbing his chest as his gasp filtered into a laugh. Eren walked around the arm of the couch and sat down behind Armin, who started to lean back again until he felt Eren’s leg behind his head.

Immediately Armin sat up again and shifted himself around so he was leaning against the arm of the couch. “You scared me!” He said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Eren stuck out his tongue. “T-that was the intent. What d-do you want t-to do now?”

Scratching at his cheek, Armin thought it over for a few minutes. “I dunno. What time is it?” He inquired. Eren rose himself off of the couch to grab his phone out of his pants pocket. 

“About 5.” Eren mused, locking his phone and slipping it back into the pocket. 

“Ummmmm…..” Armin contemplated, “I’m not thinking of anything.” Closing his eyes, Armin relaxed against the couch’s back, placing his hands in his lap. 

“Hmm,” Eren echoed. Armin opened an eye to see what Eren was doing, but he was just making himself more comfortable. “I g-guess we can watch o-one of my movies.”

“We just watched a movie, Eren.” Distaste snuck his way into Armin’s words. Sure, he had marathoned the Lord of the Rings series one too many times to count, and even more times he had watched the Evangelion series, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the fourth movie. But Armin really wasn’t in the mood for a movie anymore.

Unscrewing the top of a water bottle, Eren just raised his shoulders. “J-just a suggestion! Do y-you have any i-ideas?” He put his hands above his head. Armin did his best not to notice his olive green shirt riding up slightly, exposing his lower belly.

Ignoring the heat in his cheeks, Armin turned himself away slightly. “We could exchange music or something. Make playlists for each other.”

Eren hopped to his feet and clapped his hands. “T-that sounds awesome!” He exclaimed, eyes bright. “What d-do I n-need to do?”

Absent mindedly, Armin began to pick at one of the scars on his arm. “Well, we can exchange them on USB drives or something….” his voice trailed off. Immediately, Eren hopped over to his drawers by his huge desktop. 

Pulling open one of the drawers, Eren withdrew a huge bag full of USBs. “I k-keep these just i-in case.” He popped open the Ziploc bag and tossed one to the blonde, but it bounced off of Armin’s fingertips. The USB bounced off of the couch and onto the white floor. Armin bent over and fished around for it, picking it up. 

Eren grabbed a USB drive of his own, sealed the baggie, and returned it to the drawer. “Um, I don’t have a computer,” Armin began. 

“You can b-b-borrow mine for t-the iTunes account. Just….d-don’t do anything e-else on it. I d-don’t like h-having people go t-through my stuff.” 

His request was reasonable. Armin hated having people go through his stuff. “Yeah, definitely. I promise to just use it for iTunes.”

With everything settled, Eren turned Armin around and pressed his hands into his shoulder blades, beginning to direct him to another room. “W-what are you doing?” Armin asked, looking at the brown-haired boy over his shoulder.

“Making s-sure you w-won’t peek!” He said, voice loud. With Armin safely in Eren’s bedroom, Eren closed the door. “D-don’t come out u-until I say so!”

 _Making a playlist is going to take a lot longer than half an hour, Eren_ , Armin thought. Nonetheless, he slowly sat down on the edge of Eren’s bed, scanning the room.

It was relatively clean, at least for a college student. Nothing like Jean’s room. There were a few posters adorning the walls, with a desk pushed neatly into the corner. In the other corner was Eren’s dresser, with a bookshelf full of what looked like spiral notebooks. 

A lava lamp was turned on, wax bubbles drifting lazily through the colored light. Curiosity overtaking him, Armin pushed himself off of the red comforter and over to the rows of spiral notebooks. He ran his fingers along the ridged edges, sorely tempted to flip through one.

He pulled one out and looked at its cover, which had a hastily scrawn title on it. It was in German, but now that Armin had a limited knowledge of the language, he was able to translate it. The word was poesie, which just translated to poetry.

He wrote poetry? Armin found himself surprised at this new discovery. A quick glance over his shoulder told him Eren was still in the main room. Fighting against all urges in his body, he opened the spiral notebook to the first page.

The first page had a long poem written out on it in German. Armin flipped over the page, and then another. Thousands upon thousands of poems decorated the pages until there was no room left in the notebook. 

On the last page was just one poem, written firmly in the center. It was much more legible than the other poems Eren had sloppily written out. This one was in English, something different than the hundreds of German poems on the previous pages.

_i think that part of me has forgotten what it is like  
to stand on a shore  
to feel the water underneath your feet like  
all of the sorrows you have tried to   
leave behind  
in a sea of what i do not want to be_

_that part of me is gone and now all that is left is  
the standing upon banks of  
empty promises   
locked up within the endless cycles of  
the ocean tide_

_this salt is like ice, these currents are not my own  
curled toes tell me that i am   
done  
and bated breath tells me it  
will never be over_

_i’ll submerge_

Armin stared at the poem, reading it once, then twice, then three times. _God, he’s good at poetry_. Analyzing literature was one of Armin’s favorite things to do, and so he allowed himself the time to look through the words. 

He assumed Eren wrote this while feeling angry at his parents for being turned into a clone and told what to do. Armin gingerly closed the book and slipped it back into its spot, returning to Eren’s bed. He laid down, looking to the bookshelf, hand tracing patterns on the comforter absent mindedly.

For the rest of the time Armin remained in the room, he wondered what other poetry Eren had written, and why he had never really mentioned it before.  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
As five pm turned into six pm in the fading evening light through the large window in Eren’s apartment, the brown-haired boy leaned back in the swiveling chair and lightly tapped his computer mouse. On the floor, one sock-clad foot nudged the corner of the desk. Smiling slightly, he dragged the last song into the USB file. _It’s perfect._

Ejecting the USB, he leaped up from his chair, almost tripping in the progress, and opened the wooden door to his room. Armin was sitting on his bed, typing on his phone. When he saw Eren in his peripheral vision, he looked up and put away his phone. “How long can it possibly take to make a playlist?! I’ve been dying of boredom in here.”

Sheepishly holding up the small USB, Eren shrugged. “I-It’s an art, A-Armin. You c-c-can’t rush art.”

Stretching his arms and then standing up, the blond boy rolled his eyes and twisted his neck to the side. “Man, I cramped up,” he muttered, picking up the small USB that Eren had given him off of the bedding. As he stepped out of the room, Eren followed. 

“Hey, I thought you weren’t supposed to look!” Armin raised an eyebrow and plugged the USB into the computer. Running one hand through his dark hair, Eren pointed towards the kitchen.

“I’m g-going to make s-some food. It’s, l-like, six.”

Smiling, Armin slid into the small rolling chair and rested his elbows on the desk. “Yeah, as if I’m not fully aware of exactly how much time you took on that mix. It better be a really good mix, Eren.”

“Oh, _i-ist es_.” Eren waved over his shoulder and sauntered into the kitchen. Once he was in there, he leaned against the inside wall and looked out the window. He would start cooking soon, but…. _It’s beautiful_. A faded orange glow floated over the city like a haze. There were lovely sunsets in Germany, of course, but these were different. Maybe it was the existence of so many buildings in one space or maybe it was just the difference in location, but Eren felt somehow calmer when observing the muted pastel sunsets and sunrises of this part of the world.

 _Maybe I just like being away from home._ He frowned slightly. Of course he _liked_ it--who wouldn’t love the chance to travel to a different country for a year or more? But that wasn’t exactly it. He had left home for the scholarship and the chance to swim with American athletes, but if he was completely honest with himself he knew that he had also left to get away from the pressure of his parents. As it turned out, one form of pressure had been exchanged for another.

Usually, it was okay. Taking walks and looking at the sky helped, as did hanging around Jean--until he left, of course. A smile creeping onto his face, he chanced a glance at the blond boy in the other room who was currently hunched over the desk, his face filled with intensity. Eren shook his head. _It’s just a playlist, Armin, not a major life decision._

Standing up straight, he made his way over to the fridge and pulled out some Spätzle, sausages and lentils. Pouring the lentils into a saucepan of water, he turned up the heat. Once he had put the Spätzle on to cook and the sausages on a burner, he closed his eyes and leaned into the sink. The heat from the stove top reached to his wrist and he found himself leaning towards the heat in the overly-air-conditioned room.

A thought occurred to him. _What if he doesn’t like Spätzle? It’s pretty traditionally German, after all…._ He opened one eye to peek at the boy in the other room, still concentrating. A sigh escaped his throat. He was worrying too much. After all--just a few hours ago, Armin had complimented his cooking. It probably wouldn’t be an issue.

Smiling, he hummed something he had heard on the radio and stirred the lentils, adding some spicing to the Spätzle. Steam from the boiling lentils passed into the air and he wiped the condensation off of his forehead. The light in the room began to fade with the sun, so he quickly stepped over and flipped the switch. In the other room, Armin was leaning on his hand and staring into the monitor with tired but determined eyes.

The brown-haired boy sighed and turned back to his cooking. _I’m glad he’s staying here--he needs it._ Despite what Armin might say to deny it, Eren knew that Jean’s absence was getting him down. It was getting them both down. Still…. it wasn’t as if Jean was so critical to both of their lives that they wouldn’t manage. Armin easily meant as much to Eren as Jean did to him, even if he cared about them in very different ways. 

The swivel chair in the other room creaked and he turned around, but Armin was still working. Soon, he had finished the food and placed it on plates, bringing it into the other room. Stretching his arms above his head and yawning, the blond boy clambered out of his chair and pulled out the USB. “Smells awesome,” He remarked, stepping over to the couch.

“Th-thanks.” Eren grinned and kicked his feet up onto the table, which his friend raised an eyebrow at. “Whaaat, a-are you going to j-judge me on h-how I treat my o-own furniture?”

“Absolutely,” Armin half sneered, grinning from ear to ear before digging in. He sunk into the couch and held his hands in the air like he had been blessed by some sort of divine power. “Wow, amazing. This is even better than earlier today. Is all German cooking this good?”

Eren blushed and scratched his forehead before picking up a fork. “U-uh, not exactly. My f-family has been teaching m-me since I was v-very young.” The blond boy nodded, continuing to eat. With one hand, he tossed his USB to Eren.

“Alright, that makes sense. Here you go,” He muttered in between bites, and the brown-haired boy slipped it into his pocket, nodding slightly. Sending his gaze towards his friend, he saw the other boy looking out the window with a strange expression in his eyes.

“A-are you o-okay, Armin?” He asked, leaning in slightly. _Did I do something wrong?_ Armin quickly turned back to him and nodded vigorously.

“Yeah, definitely. I just…..” He stopped. “Nevermind.”

Narrowing his eyes, Eren set down his plate on the table. “Wait, wh-what were you going t-to say?” Not meeting his gaze, the blond boy paused, his fork and knife sitting idly in his hands. In the silence, Eren scratched the back of his neck. “Armin?”

His friend looked up and made eye contact with him. His eyes were slightly narrowed but still illuminated like small blue fires in the evening night. Sighing, looked down and then back up. “I mean, I was just wondering, um…” Tilting his head to the side, Eren kept listening as Armin paused. “Jean makes you happy, right?”

 _That wasn’t what I was expecting._ A small blush blooming across his face like a small flower of the night, Eren looked down at his hands, which were resting on his knees. _What…. does he mean?_ After a few seconds, he smiled, examining the creases in his palms. “Yes….. y-yes, he does.”

A small intake of breath and then a small sigh could be heard from the blond boy, who shifted a little. Eren continued to look at the ground, counting the small lines between the knuckles of his fingers. After a few seconds, Armin continued. “Then…. do you, I mean, do you love him?”

Wrinkling his eyebrows, Eren looked to the side slightly, making quick eye contact with the other boy. Closing his eyes, he leaned back in the chair and placed his hands behind his head. _Was it possible for him to love Jean?_ He thought on it. _Maybe, but……_ They had only been dating for a few weeks, after all. Slowly, he lowered his hands and answered, creasing his forehead as he did. “Yes….” Silence from the other boy. “....B-but maybe not i-in the way y-you mean just yet.”

More silence, and then Armin’s small voice broke through the silence. “Then…. in what way?”

He opened his eyes and looked sideways at Armin in the shadowy apartment. “I-I…. I’m not s-sure. Wh-why are you asking a-all of these questions, a-anyway?”

The smaller boy straightened his back and looked down, pulling at a strand of his hair with two fingers. Refusing to make eye contact, he didn’t answer and instead started looking out the window again. _Wait…._ Eren bit his lip and narrowed his eyes. _Does he….. like Jean?_

Realization hit him like a bullet to the heart. That was why Armin had been so upset when they had gotten into a relationship. _Oh god, I…._ He put his head in his hands…. “I-I…. I’m s-sorry.”

Armin’s head slowly raised. “Wait, what?” He murmured, looking at the brown-haired boy with worry in his tone. 

“I….” Eren started, bringing his eyes up to meet his friend’s, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t realize y-you… that you l-liked him.” A thick silence hung in the air for a few moments and Eren shook his head slightly and looked down. Twiddling his fingers, he felt sweat building on the skin. This could… this could ruin his friendship with Armin. 

To tell the truth, Armin was just as good to have around as Jean. They were different, but the intelligent blond-haired boy made him inordinately happy. He was without a doubt the best friend that Eren had ever had. “L-look, Armin,” he started, “I-I’ll… I want to s-stay friends with you.”

Suddenly, the other boy burst into laughter. Eren looked up and saw that his friend was grinning ear to ear and holding out a hand to the German. “Come on, stand up.” Confused, he took the offer of a hand and the blond boy pulled him up to a standing position. Once they were standing, Armin grabbed Eren’s hand.

“You dope,” he spoke with a laugh in his voice, poking Eren in the chest. “I would never stop being friends with you. And I don’t like Jean, I just asked those questions because I was curious. You really are an idiot.”

Pulling his hand away, the brown-haired boy opened his eyes wider and tilted his head slightly to the side, letting some of his hair fall into his face. “A-are you s-sure?” Because I d-don’t want you to-”

“I’m _sure,_ ” Armin asserted, sitting down on the couch once more. “Now, I’m going to eat my food. You should do the same--the hunger is making you lose common sense.”

Eren looked down at his friend and then out to the faded purple dusk and then finally sat down. _Is this what Annie meant by me being oblivious?_ He stared at his food and then finished half of it, cleaning up their plates in the small sink.

That night, Eren slept on the couch. He made Armin sleep in the bed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late, late update. Once again, send questions about the fic to my writing blog, [ywinters](http://ywinters.tumblr.com).

The next day, Armin awoke to a surplus of texts from Historia. Groaning, he rolled onto his side, hand groping about for his phone. Once he felt the press of metal against his palm, Armin unlocked his phone and blinked a few times.

_To: Armin  
From: Historia  
Time: 8:28 am  
Message:  
hey its ymir. i stole historia’s phone. the titan crew + me and historia are all going to hang out. do u and eren want to tag along?_

_To: Armin  
From: Historia  
Time: 8:28 am  
Message:  
considering u havent responded yet, im assuming ur actually SLEEPING. WAKE UP._

_To: Armin  
From: Historia  
Time: 8:29 am  
Message:  
i dont even feel guilty for waking u up tbh_

_To: Armin  
From: Historia  
Time: 8:31 am  
Message:  
come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn arminnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn i have to plan around u and eren so HURRY UP AND LOOK AT UR PHONE_

_To: Armin  
From: Historia  
Time: 8:31 am  
Message:  
hgkadfjaskdlfnaskdlfnasdklrjkaskldf_

After the text full of gibberish, no more texts were sent in. Scowling, he typed out ‘sure,’ and placed his phone back on Eren’s dresser. Groggily, he shoved his face under the pillow and groaned, still feeling very drowsy.

Of course, he was unable to go back to bed. After spending a few minutes mentally cursing Ymir, Armin forced himself out of the bed. After getting dressed, the blonde pushed open the door to the main room and stood in the threshold, rubbing at his eyes.

 _Thanks, Ymir._ Slowly, Armin walked over to the couch and peered overtop it. Eren was still sleeping, mouth slightly open. His blanket had fallen off of the couch in a discarded heap on the wooden ground. Armin moved around to the other side of the couch and picked up the yellow blanket, putting it back on Eren. The olive-skinned boy shifted slightly but did not wake up.

Suddenly, Armin’s phone buzzed again. He looked at the message displayed on the screen.

_To: Armin  
From: Historia  
Time: 8:47 am  
Message:  
ok well we’re meeting up at the statue in the middle of campus and we’re going to go back to bert’s place. we’re meeting up at 10 so DONT BE LATE!!!!!!!!_

Yeah, yeah. I get it, Ymir. Slightly frustrated, Armin deleted the conversation and leaned back over the couch. He allowed himself to look at the still-sleeping boy for a few minutes. Finally, he reached out to jostle Eren’s shoulder. “Hey, get up. We’re meeting up with the Titans and Ymir and Historia at 10.”

“Whuzzat?” Eren slurred, digging his palms against his eyes. He grumbled something in German and rolled over and onto the ground. The blonde hopped overtop the couch and gently nudged Eren in the stomach with his toe. Eren rolled over onto his back and grabbed Armin’s ankle, making him fall over against the couch. 

“Come on, Eren! You have to get ready.” Armin protested, kicking his leg slightly. Eren began to laugh and relinquished his grip on Armin’s ankle. He sat up and exhaled.

“W-when are w-we going?” He inquired. 

“Ten. Get ready.” Armin replied, nudging Eren again. Finally, Eren got to his feet and rolled his neck in an attempt to crack it. When it did, Armin crinkled his eyebrows. “That was a gross sound.”

“Oh, b-be quiet.” Eren sneered, already going to his room to get ready. The door swung shut behind him. While Eren got dressed, Armin kicked his legs slightly. Eren re-appeared soon enough, clad in his usual outfit: a tank top, plaid, and a fresh pair of jeans. 

The two friends ate and headed out the door en route to the statue of the three sisters in the center of campus. The day was pretty chilly compared to the thousands of burning days before this one. A shiver ran through Armin’s spine as he readjusted to the new weather. It wasn’t that the day was cold, it had only decreased about 10 degrees. Nonetheless, the change in temperature was enough to bother Armin. 

Soon enough, the statue came into view. Ymir and Historia were sitting on the bench in front of the sculpture, while Reiner and Bertholdt conversed in front of them. Annie stood a little ways to the side, earbuds tucked in her ears.

“Hey, guys!” Armin called out, picking up his pace a little bit to approach his friends faster. Beside him, Eren jogged his way over to the group, standing beside Bertholdt. 

“Hey, Armin, Eren..” Bertholdt replied, turning himself slightly to make the newcomers feel a bit more welcome.

“That’s everyone, right?” Reiner asked, doing a quick check to make sure everyone was there.

“Unless you wanted to invite someone else,” Ymir called out, getting to her feet. Beside her, Historia stood up as well. The freckled girl had her arm around Historia’s shoulder, a slight smirk on her face.

“I think the size of this group is good enough.” Bertholdt murmured, half to himself, half to the group of friends. Reiner shrugged and gestured for Bertholdt to begin leading the way. The tall boy began walking, with the remaining friends following Bertholdt in a giant clump.

“Oi, Armin.” Historia said, raising her chin slightly. Head turning, Armin raised an eyebrow quizzically. “When are you going to come back and help me study?”

Armin spluttered. “Sorry! Do you want to get started tomorrow?” Historia rolled her eyes.

“At least you actually have a life outside of studying.” Though it was meant as a backhanded compliment, Armin couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“Armin h-has a life n-now?” Eren inquired, leaning forward to look at Historia. “L-last I checked, h-he was just r-reading books and replaying _T-The Last O-Of Us.”_

“And,” Ymir added, “He still doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

Armin’s cheeks flushed. He fidgeted slightly with his t shirt, opening his mouth to speak when Historia cut him off. “Ymir raises a point.” She grinned. “Is there even anyone you like?”

“Um. N………...no?” Armin said, turning his sentence into a question. Doing his best to ignore the burning in his cheeks, he sped up his pacing. 

In front of them, Annie turned her head slightly. She shot another look at Eren, who raised his shoulders in a puzzled gesture. “Then why are your cheeks bright red?” Ymir pressed, her own grin spreading across her face.

“Don’t pressure him,” Annie spoke, voice sharp as usual. Immediately, Ymir and Historia stood up a little straighter, both of their taunting looks fleeing their faces. Ymir frowned slightly.

“We’re just havin’ fun, Annie.” Annie just shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and turned back around.

“We’re almost there.” She said, speaking in such a way as if to say ‘we’re done here.’ Ymir muttered something under her breath, but let the subject drop.

Once the group was all standing inside Bertholdt’s apartment, Reiner immediately made a turn towards the kitchen. Bertholdt sighed and followed his boyfriend, “If you’re thinking about drinking, I don’t have anything!” His voice continued to trail off until it was nearly inaudible. In front of them, Annie walked over to the couch and sat on the arm, removing her earbuds. 

Ymir and Historia both trailed after Bertholdt and Reiner, returning shortly with a bowl of potato chips. Historia held the bowl out in front of her. “Want one?” She asked, munching on a potato chip.

Armin shook his head, while Eren took a small handful of the chips and walked over to the couch. Ymir looked from Historia and back up to Armin. She began to speak, but stopped when Historia started to talk. “It’s nice to see you happy. You haven’t looked this happy since before Nick turned into an asshole.”

“Really? Well….thanks, I guess. Eren’s a nice guy.” Armin murmured sheepishly, looking at the tile ground. 

“If you want my personal opinion, I think you two need to hurry up and start dating.” Ymir said matter-of-factly, waving her hand in the air. “Jean’s a great guy and all, but you and Eren have some good chemistry.”

For the second time in the span of 5 minutes, Armin blushed again. “That was a compliment.” Ymir added. 

“Yeah, I know. It’s just….weird to hear you talk like that.” The blonde finally managed to say. Ymir rolled her eyes and headed back into the kitchen for more food.

“She’s right.” Historia agreed, already beginning to follow her girlfriend. Armin lingered by the door for a few moments and then moved over to where Eren and Annie were, who had been talking a few moments ago. 

Frustration was etched on Eren’s facial features. “I’m not m-missing anything!” Armin heard him say, voice stopping sharply when he tapped Eren on the shoulder.

Annie raised her head in acknowledgement. Reiner and Bertholdt both moved to step in front of Annie and Eren, sitting down on the couch. “We’re going to watch a movie,” Reiner announced.

“What movie?” Annie asked, though her tone was bland.

“21 Jump Street.” Reiner returned, already flipping the TV on. Behind them, Ymir turned the lights off and wriggled her way onto the couch. Historia managed to squeeze in between her and Eren.

Armin settled down on the ground beside the couch, leaning his head against its arm. “Oh, come on!” Ymir exclaimed, patting her lap. “There’s always room for one more.”

Rolling his eyes, Armin got back to his feet and sat on top of Ymir, ultimately deciding to sprawl across the entire group to try and annoy them. “Still comfortable?” He called out to the freckled girl. 

“You weigh literally nothing, so yeah.” Reiner said as the main menu appeared on the screen. Unfortunately, Armin was rather uncomfortable so he sat back up, leaning against his friend while trying not to obscure her view.

Much of the movie was ruined thanks to Reiner’s annoying habit of talking through the film. Though Ymir would yell at him to shut up, he would continue blabbering on and on about how much he liked 21 Jump Street, and how disappointing its sequel was, until Armin thought the whole movie had been spoiled for him.

When the credits rolled, Ymir practically threw Armin off of her and onto Eren’s lap, getting up and walking over to Reiner. She grabbed him by the collar and shook him back and forth, yelling something about “being quiet during a damn movie” and that she was “surprised Bertholdt hadn’t ripped your tongue out yet.”

The rest of the group looked on until Bertholdt placed a hand on Ymir’s arm. She ran a finger through her hair and sighed, to which Reiner began to laugh and leaned back against Bertholdt’s shoulder. From behind Armin, Eren began to chuckle, adjusting himself slightly.

“Are you okay? Ymir pretty much shoved me away.” Armin glanced over his shoulder to the other boy, who just smiled.

“M-my foot’s falling asleep, b-but other than t-that, I’m f-fine.” Armin got to his feet and then lowered himself onto the ground, resting his head against the arm of the couch once more. Annie joined the blonde, crossing her legs and making the beginnings of a circle.

Eren slid off of the couch to sit by his friends, followed shortly by Historia and then Bertholdt. Ymir looked over her shoulder at the half-formed circle. Reiner raised an eyebrow. “What’s with the circle? Are we going to play truth or dare and revert to a bunch of high school kids?”

Historia shrugged, flipping through something on her phone. “Why not?” She asked, slightly raising her head. Ymir let go of Reiner’s shirt and smoothed her hair down, perching beside Historia. Finally, Reiner completed the circle and sat in between Annie and Bertholdt.

“This is the stupidest idea,” Ymir grimaced, putting her head in her hands. Nonetheless, she didn’t object and glanced around the circle. Armin rubbed his arm awkwardly. 

“Who wants to go first?” Bertholdt asked, glancing around the group. Nervously, Armin looked at his friends, who all seemed very reluctant to go first until finally Bertholdt just decided to go.

Most everyone answered dare, and as such the group would move around a few times to watch someone do something completely and utterly stupid. After everyone got bored of answering dares, they reverted to truths. 

However, if someone answered with dare, it started a strange form of seven minutes in heaven. Of course, the couples were primarily the ones who these dares were directed at, so Armin didn’t have to worry until his name was called once again.

“Truth or dare?” Historia asked, leaning forward and putting her head in the palm of her hand.

“Truth, I guess,” Armin replied, already feeling uneasy. Suddenly, a grin stretched across Historia’s face and Armin felt his stomach drop. Oh, no.

“Who’s this mystery fellow you like?” She leered, her grin growing more and more devious.

“Armin likes someone?” Reiner asked, voice slightly surprised. “Now I’m curious. As a friend, it’s my job to help set up friends with hot guys.”

All eyes were soon directed Armin’s way, who felt as if he would burn into ashes. The only one who didn’t seem to care was Annie, who looked at her phone with a bored look. Nervously, Armin put his hands in his lap, feeling sweat build up on his skin. Part of him wanted to say no one, but of course it was much too late to convince everyone otherwise.

“Time’s a-ticking.” Ymir said, her own sneer smeared across her face. For the second time in the day, Armin mentally cursed Ymir. He tugged his shirt up and over his chin, biting at the fabric with anxiety.

Voice hardly above a whisper, Armin muttered Eren’s name. 

“Speak up!” Ymir exclaimed, furrowing her eyebrows. Armin just shook his head.

“You didn’t specify I had to say it loud enough for everyone to hear.” Stubbornly, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and refused to acknowledge the complaints everyone threw his way. 

The game continued on for a little bit. Armin made a mental note to never pick truth again. Soon enough, the question was directed his way again. “Dare.”

As luck would have it, Historia was the one asking the dare again. “Alright, party pooper. I dare you to kiss Eren.”

“W-what?” Armin spluttered. He inched himself away from Eren slightly, feeling his cheeks grow warm. “C-come on, Historia! Can’t you ask something other than that?”

This time, Historia was the one who stubbornly shook her head. “Nope. That’s what you get for being a party pooper.”

Eren just grinned sheepishly. Armin turned his head to look at Eren, pleading him for help with his eyes. The taller boy shrugged. “It’s a d-dare. D-don’t take it t-too seriously, Armin.”

Armin took a shaky breath and nodded his head once. He fiddled with a strand of hair, staring at the ground to regain his composure. Once he felt like he didn’t want to melt into a puddle, Armin firmly put his hands on Eren’s knees and leaned in.

Their lips barely connected, but it was enough to make electricity crackle in Armin’s body. He immediately pulled away, ignoring the heat in his face. Truth be told, the blonde wanted to kiss Eren again. And again, and again.

But of course, there was no way that would happen. Beside him, Eren leaned back onto his elbows, coughing awkwardly. He also was a shade of pink.

For the rest of the night, Armin couldn’t look Eren in the eyes.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Eren braced himself against the bathroom mirror with his palm. Closing his eyes, he tried to take a deep breath. _What…. what’s wrong with me?_ His stomach was tossing and turning as he leaned into the sink, feeling like he was about to throw up. _Did I drink too much?_ No, that wasn’t it. He’d only had half of a beer bottle before calling it quits. 

Someone knocked on the outside of the door and then spoke. It was Historia. “Hey, Eren, you alright?”

His lungs shuddering, he managed to choke out a, “Y-yeah.” Outside the bathroom, he could hear a large exhale.

“Uh, okay, but if you need anything, let me know. I have advil.” Hearing her footsteps receding into the other room, he slowly stood up straight. The brown-haired boy looked at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were red and his hair was sticking out in every direction from him putting his head in his hands. Slowly, slowly, he reached his arm up to drag his fingers gently across his lips. 

_So that’s it_. Furrowing his brows slightly, he leaned forwards, placing his palms on the counter. Why had that affected him so much? It wasn’t like it was his first time kissing someone or even kissing a boy, not by a long shot. Memories of the morning Jean left flooded into his brain and he bit his lip, shaking his head and pushing them away.

“I don’t l-like A-Armin,” he whispered to himself, dropping his head and closing his eyes, “N-not in th-that way.” _Jean is…. Jean is my boyfriend. I like him. I like him a lot. I might even love him, if not now then someday._ Curling his fingers over the edging of the sink, he pressed his forehead into the glass of the mirror. _He’ll be back in a few weeks._

Forcing himself to look up, Eren examined his reflection in the mirror. His chest felt tight, his posture was horrible and his cheeks were red, not to mention his hair was ultra messy. _I’ll just….._ He gripped the fabric of his shirt in one hand, bunching it up. _I’ll just go home and get some sleep. None of this matters._

The brown-haired boy turned on the sink and cupped some water in his hands, splashing himself in the face. With one wet hand, he ran his fingers through his hair to make the stray locks lie flat. After taking a deep breath, he threw open in the door. In the other room, Ymir stuck her head around the couch that she and Historia were lying on and called out to Eren. 

“Oi, what took you so long?” He shrugged in answer and grabbed his jacket off of the table, avoiding eye contact with the blond boy sitting on the floor. His keys jingled in the pocket.

“I just h-had a-a headache.” Scratching the back of the neck, he gestured to the door with his thumb. “I-I’m gonna head o-out, though.”

Reiner’s head snapped up and he set down the TV remote on the floor next to his outstretched leg. “Wait, hold up, you’re leaving? We were just about to have a Tremors marathon!”

The brown-haired boy shrugged. “ _T-traurig_ , I’ll hang out w-with you g-guys later.” He headed for the door and then felt something soft hit his back. Turning around, he picked up a thin plaid shirt that had been thrown at him by Historia. 

“You left this the last time we hung out here and I’m tired of seeing it hanging over the back of the chair whenever I come over.”

Shrugging slightly, he threw it over his shoulder and opened the door. “S-see you guys later. A-Armin, you’re c-coming back later, right?” He turned over and looked at the blond boy, who tensed up and slowly turned to make eye contact with his taller friend.

“Um,” he started, breaking contact and fiddling with his hair, “I guess. I mean, I could just go to my dorm if you’re gonna sleep. I don’t want to wake you up.”

Trying to act nonchalant, he smiled slightly. “Y-you don’t need t-to do that. Besides, th-the 600 dorms are p-pretty far from here.” Historia laughed at something Ymir said, and there was a brief silence. “U-uh…. I’ll s-see you later, I-I guess.” Not waiting for Armin’s reply, he stepped out of the door and closed it behind him, striding over to the stairs and down to the first floor.

His chest almost hurt as he walked down the street. _Scheisse…. was ist das?_ The night air helped a bit, but not enough for him to stop feeling bad. _My heart is beating so loudly I can hear it_ , he thought, slumping into the bench of a bus stop to rest. Behind him, he heard footsteps but didn’t turn around. Then, a familiar voice called out.

“What’s going on?” Annie stopped behind him. “Should I be worried?”

Turning to the blonde girl, he looked up and ran one hand through his hair nervously. “I…. I d-don’t know, I just…. m-my chest feels s-so tight.” He looked down and gripped the fabric of his tank top with one hand.

Sighing, Annie moved in front of him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Did kissing Armin affect you that much?”

Blushing, he turned away and put his hand down on the metal bench, clenching his jacket in his fist. “I h-have no idea wh-what you’re talking about.”

Suddenly, Annie’s open hand connected with his cheek and his head snapped to the side. Surprised and seething, he gingerly touched the skin of his cheek and turned back to the blonde girl. “ _Was z-zum t-teufel war das?!_ ”

She sneered and tilted her head slightly up and to the side condescendingly. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you? If you don’t get a grip on your own feelings someone is going to hurt. The two of them deserve better than that.”

Shaking his head in confusion, he stood up and let his hand fall to his side, his eyes still open with shock. “Wh-who are you talking a-about? You’re b-being s-so confusing. Why don’t you s-say what you m-mean for once?!” He stepped forward and glared down into her face. Eyes narrowing, she shoved him back and he stumbled into the bench.

“Don’t fucking _touch_ me, Jaeger. I wanted to let you figure things out on your own but you are so blind you couldn’t even do that on your own.” She spat on the ground. “I pity you. You’re such a goddamn fool.”

Staring in shock, he collapsed back down onto the bench and put his head in his hands. “M-maybe you’re…. y-you’re right,” he murmured, feeling nauseous again. She didn’t answer and he didn’t look up but decided to continue. “I don’t u-understand what you’ve b-been trying t-to tell me.”

In the fading afternoon light, Annie stepped forward and placed her hand on his shoulder. Slowly, he raised his head and looked into her eyes. There was something in there that was softer than he was used to seeing. She really does pity me. “Annie, p-please,” he whispered, gripping the wrist of her hand with his, “H-help me to see wh-what I’m missing.”

She shook her head gently and backed away. “I can’t. I’m sorry I’ve been so rough with you and I’m sorry I slapped you, that was wrong. But I can’t intervene in other people’s lives. Even saying this is pushing it.” She closed her eyes and dropped her head to the ground.

Nodding, Eren grabbed his jacket and stood up. “Alright. A-at least…. can you t-tell me one thing?”

Letting her arms fall to the side, she opened her eyes and raised one eyebrow slightly. “Possibly.”

Taking a deep breath, he looked at the ground and then at Annie. His fingers twitched on one hand, but he shoved them into his back pocket. “Uh…. a-am I a b-bad person? Because I f-feel like one, e-especially when I’m…. wh-when I’m around Armin.”

Shaking her head slightly, she smiled and something in the blond girl’s eyes broke. “No, Eren. You are an extremely good person, especially for Armin. Almost too good.”

“T-too good?”

“Yes,” she squeezed Eren’s hand and then started to back away towards Bertholdt’s apartment. “You’ll understand soon, I promise.”

Watching her jog back towards the complex, Eren felt the tension in his chest fall away in layers. _Someday? But when?_ With a long sigh, he turned around and continued the walk back to his apartment. It was dark when he got there and he had to unlock the main building before going up to his apartment and entering. Armin’s bag was sitting in front of the table, where he had left it the previous day. 

Lacking the energy to flick on the lights, he set down his jackets on the nearest chair and stepped over to the couch. Outside, the night was turning purple. A deep exhale escaped his throat. _Tonight was…. not important. I’ll just sleep and forget about it._

Kicking off his shoes, he laid down on the too-small couch and stared at the ceiling. There was a long crack stretching from one of the side walls to the middle that had been there since he before moved in. It was barely noticeable most days, but in the darkness it seemed almost too-apparent, like a reminder of everything that had happened that night. He almost felt that he could relate to that crack.

Closing his eyes, he tried not to think about the events of that day. By the time Armin returned, he was already asleep, dreaming of things he would forget by morning.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, it's been a bit. Sorry everyone, I've been traveling, I'm not gone! Back to a regular update schedule as of today. Once again, sorry for the hiatus.

Armin had carefully made his way back to Eren’s apartment late into the night, mind still swirling with everything that had happened earlier. He had kissed Eren. It was his first kiss, but while Armin had constantly thought about wanting his first kiss to be perfect, he never expected it to be in a truth or dare session.

Despite feeling immensely embarrassed for kissing the boy he liked, who, on top of having zero feelings for Armin, had a boyfriend, happiness continued to edge its way into his conscious. And for the rest of the night Armin spent his time flipping between feeling unbearably happy and guilty. 

He stumbled over to the couch and tried to sort out his own feelings. Was Eren okay with everything? He had left early, and Armin didn’t want Eren to feel as if he owed Armin anything. He also didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable with being around him.

Sleep avoided Armin, no matter how hard he tried to go to bed. Worry that Eren would be upset or hurt continued to plague his mind, despite his attempts to push those thoughts away. When morning began to peek around the edges of the house, Armin had fallen in and out of a zone of being half-awake, half-asleep.

Rubbing his eyes with two fingers, Armin sighed and stared at the ceiling until his vision blurred. Suddenly, the rustle of paper was heard from the kitchen. Curiously, Armin raised his head to peek over the edge

Eren sat at the counter in the kitchen, pen in his hand. He was staring at a piece of paper with a very intense look on his face, scribbling something out and erasing it and trying again. Poetry, maybe?

Allowing his curiosity to get the better of him, Armin inched himself out of the couch and walked softly over to Eren. Instead of trying to scare him, the blonde just walked over to the fridge and got a glass of water. While it filled, Eren raised his head slightly. “Morning,” he said, exhaustion etched into his words.

“Didn’t sleep well?” Armin asked, taking a drink of the water. Smiling a bit, Eren shook his head, beginning to crinkle up the paper. Before he could throw it away, Armin nodded his head towards the piece of paper. “What are you writing?”

“N-nothing.” Eren stuttered, going to throw it into the trash can. 

“Oh, come on. At least tell me what it is,” Armin pressed slightly, putting his weight onto the counter, glass in hand. 

“Just s-some p-poetry,” Eren muttered, throwing the paper into the trash can. His cheeks were tinted pink. Immediately Armin thought back to the previous night when he had kissed the other boy and tried hard to fight his own rising blush.

Instead, he feigned surprise. “You write poetry?” Armin asked, already knowing the answer. 

“A little b-bit.” Eren said, refusing to make eye contact with the blonde. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned loudly. 

“That’s cool,” Armin remarked, raising the drink to his lips. “Free-verse?”

The brown-haired boy nodded and got to his feet. “I-I’m going to h-head out,” he said, already making his way out the door. “I’ll b-be back later.”

The door swung shut behind him and Armin felt an awkward tension seize his heart. Eren obviously seemed uncomfortable with talking to Armin. Thanks a lot, Historia. 

Trying hard to push the guilt away, Armin pressed his foot lightly on the pedal to open the trash can in Eren’s apartment and pulled out the piece of paper. It was crumpled into a ball. Pressing his palm against the smooth countertop, Armin smoothed it out as best he could. The words eventually became more and more legible until he could make sense of them.

_i think i would like to forget and go back to the  
real life, this is the   
real life  
sorry, ich weiß nicht,  
sie sind zu gut_

_and i have forgotten what it is like to  
not understand  
i am so weighted i am falling into  
the abyss again, again  
this time_

_if i’m not-_

After that, the lines were completely unreadable, descending into violent scribbles that criss-crossed over the writing.

Obviously something had happened. Scrunching his eyebrows, Armin pursed his lips and tried to make sense of the poem. Instead, he found himself unable to comprehend its meaning and re-crumpled the paper, throwing it away once again.

It was time to take a walk. Grabbing his keys off of the shelf by the door, Armin slipped into a pair of shoes and headed out the door and to his car. He opened the driver’s side door and got in, turning the engine on and driving down to a nearby Barnes and Noble.

Okay, it might not be a “walk,” but Armin was in desperate need of clearing his mind. He was nervous that Eren was upset, that something had happened to his friend. And after all this time, Eren had always been by Armin’s side to make sure he was okay. If Armin allowed something to happen to Eren...well, he didn’t want to think about it.

A car honked its horn at him, jolting Armin awake. He pressed lightly back onto the acceleration pedal, realizing he had been sitting a little too long at a green light. Pretty soon the Barnes and Noble was visible to his left. Armin pulled into the lot and parked his car in the closest available parking space. 

After parking, Armin got out of his car and locked it behind him, stepping over the cracks on the asphalt as he walked to the bookstore. As the blonde pushed the doors open, a blast of cold air hit him like a bullet to the chest. A shiver ran through Armin’s body. 

_I don’t want Eren to feel alone._ Armin twisted a piece of hair around his fingers as he walked through the shelves of the Barnes and Noble, fingers lightly skimming the spines of the books. Every now and then a title would strike his interest and Armin would pull it out to read its plot summary, only to put it back and replace it.

This continued on for a little while when suddenly he heard his name being called. Raising his head, Armin looked on either side of him, finally turning around and noticing a very familiar face. A dimpled smile and brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. _Sasha?_

Sasha jogged over to Armin, putting her hands on Armin’s shoulders. “Hi! Long time no see, am I right?” Her tone was just as cheery as Armin remembered it being from high school. 

“Wow, yeah!” Armin exclaimed, “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to school in New York.” Sasha raised her shoulders and bit at her fingernails.

“I wanted to come back and visit Shiganshina, ‘s all.” She lowered her hands and jammed them into her pockets. “How’s college treating you?”

“A lot better than high school, if that’s what you mean,” Armin replied. Sasha’s face grew serious for a moment until Armin continued to speak, “Historia, Ymir and I still occasionally hang out. Recently though I’ve befriended two guys named Reiner and Bertholdt and a girl named Annie. Most of my time’s spent with a boy named Eren, though.”

Gleefully, Sasha rubbed her hands together. “That’s great! Tell me more about your group of friends.”

“What do you want to know?” Armin asked, tilting his head slightly. He slipped a book back into its spot on the bookshelf, turning to face his friend. Sasha bit at her fingernails again.

“Hmm. Just kind of...everything?” 

“Um, well, not much has changed with Historia and Ymir. Annie is really quiet, and kind of scary, but deep down she’s a good person. Reiner’s the ‘gentle giant’ type guy. He’s ridiculously buff, but he’s a pretty nice person. His boyfriend--”

“Oh so you’re part of an accepting group?” Sasha cut Armin off, who just laughed at her remark. She looked genuinely happy for Armin, “That’s great! Less assholes this time around?”

“Yeah, definitely. Reiner’s dating Bertholdt. All of them are really nice and open-minded, so I haven’t had to deal with the same stuff back in high school.” Armin scratched his cheek and gestured towards the coffee shop that was built in to the Barnes and Noble. “Do you want to sit down?”

The girl already began gravitating towards the coffee shop. “Definitely!” She called over her shoulder. Armin started after her, sitting down in one of the chairs while Sasha stood in line, ordering something. Shortly after she returned with four different bags of food and an iced drink of some sort. As she put her stuff down, Sasha gestured for Armin to continue.

“Eren’s nice too.” He paused, “He’s probably one of my closest friends. We get along really well, but...I don’t know, something seems off recently. Some stuff happened last night and now he seems really distant. I’m kind of worried, to be honest. I don’t want to see him upset or hurt….what are you doing?”

Sasha was holding two different items of food in her hands, unable to contain the growing smile on her face. Her cheeks were slightly bulging as she chewed, still beaming at Armin by the time she finished her bite. She leaned forward, putting her chin in both hands. “Go onnnnnn,” she drawled.

Armin just crossed his arms. “What’s with that look?”He demanded. Sasha leaned back again and adjusted her ponytail with a flick of her wrist.

“You don’t really go on and on about people.” Suddenly she paused, as if drawing a connection between two things. Her mouth fell open slightly and she suddenly slammed her hands on the table, drink clattering softly. “Do you _like_ him?”

“N-no!” Armin spluttered, hanging his head in shame. “Okay, maybe. Just a little bit.”

“Liar!” Sasha sang out, jabbing at Armin with a pointed finger. “Oh man, now you have to tell me more about this Eren guy.”

Putting his head in his hands, Armin groaned. “God, I’ve only talked to you for what, three minutes? And you already know that I like some guy without even meeting him. I can’t believe it’s that obvious.”

“Your crushes have always been obvious, to be honest.” Sasha said matter-of-factly, waving her hand in the air as she took another sip.

“...The only crush I really had before Eren was on Nick.” Armin returned. Sasha’s expression immediately darkened at the mention of the old friend.

She took a bite out of a croissant. “Let’s not bring that dick up again. I want to know more about Eren. Where’s he from? What’s he like? What are his his hobbies?”

The surplus of questions was too much for Armin as he tried to comprehend everything Sasha was asking. “He’s from Germany. He likes playing video games and he swims a lot. He’s really confident in himself and everything he does, and he gets along really well with people. There’s only really one thing he doesn’t seem to like about himself and that’s his speech impediment.”

“Aw, he sounds great.” Sasha remarked, kicking her legs under the table.

“Do you want to come over later or something? Right now I’m staying at his place….” His voice trailed off as Sasha shot him a suggestive look, eyebrow arched. “He has a boyfriend, so don’t get the wrong idea!”

“Awww, damn. At least now you don’t have to be scared that he’s straight, right?”

“No… but it still does kind of suck, I guess. Anyways, like I was saying, do you want to come over for dinner? He’s a good cook.” Armin fiddled with the lanyard holding his car keys. 

“He even _cooks for you_? You might as well be dating, Jesus Christ!” Sasha exclaimed. “Anyways, since you mentioned dinner, I’m down for it. Text me the address later, kay? I actually have to hit the road now and head back home for a bit.” She pushed in her chair and scooped up the remaining pieces of food and her drink, turning to leave the Barnes and Noble. As she left, she spun her car keys around her finger.

Behind her, Armin just found himself increasingly amazed that Eren hadn’t noticed how he felt towards him yet. Everyone seemed to know -- of course, everyone except for the brown-haired boy.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
Feeling a grumbling in his stomach, Eren leaned into the wall of the brick building he was passing, covering his eyes to shade them from the sun. It had been a few hours since he had left the apartment, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to go back just yet. _Of all the days to not have practice…._ He sighed and tilted his head upwards, looking at the sky. The sun shone bright overhead, the horizon only occasionally dotted with small gray clouds. 

His phone buzzed, but he ignored it. Tapping his foot on the pavement, he bit his lip. What could he do to stall and stay away from the apartment for a few hours? _I can’t face him right now._ Across the street he heard some bells ring and looked towards the sound. _A bookstore?_ Sticking his hands into his pockets, he pushed away from the wall and stepped over to the crosswalk. 

A few cars passed by and then he walked across the street and entered the shop. Taking a deep breath, he immediately liked the environment. It smelled good, like spices and the pages of an old book. Smiling, he scratched the back of his neck and stepped farther inside. There was a small coffee bar in the corner so he headed over. The barista was a person with medium-length brown hair pinned up with a clip and glasses.

“What can I getcha’?” They asked, leaning into the counter with a gleam in their eye. Looking up at the messily-drawn chalkboard menu, he hemmed and hawed.

“Er…”

“Oh!” They threw up their hands. “It’s your first time in, is it? Need any help deciding?”

Sheepishly, Eren shrugged slightly. “I-I can’t really r-read the menu.” Eyeing him from the side, the barista frowned slightly.

“What, my handwriting not good enough for you?” They leaned in slightly and the brown-haired boy found himself stepping away and holding his hands in front of him defensively, shaking his head.

“N-no, that’s not i-it at all! I’m f-from Germany a-and my English s-still isn’t p-perfect.”

Eyes opening widely, the barista stepped slightly away and rested their palm on the small wooden counter. “Really? I’ve never met someone from Germany before!” They paused, adjusting their glasses. Suddenly, they snapped their fingers as if they’d had a thought and Eren jumped back a little. “Tell you _what,_ ” the brown-haired person’s eyes lit up as they continued. “I’ve been working on a new drink and I need someone to test it out. I’ll give it to you half price if you like it. If you don’t like it, it’s free. Deal?”

“U-um,” Eren paused, shifting his hands in his pockets uncomfortably, “I guess?”

The barista pumped their arm and grinned. “Yahoo!” They stopped and wiped their coffee-smeared hand on their apron before sticking it out in front of the brunet boy. “I’m Hange. What’s your name?”

With just a moment of hesitation, he shook Hange’s hand. “E-Eren.”

“Nice ta’ meet ya’, Eren.” Hange turned towards the small espresso machine. “I don’t get a lot of people in here who are willing to try my experimental drinks. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.” When he didn’t answer, the brown-haired barista continued. “So, what are you doing in a small coffee shop in the middle of a Saturday? Don’t you have friends you should be hanging out with?”

Eren blushed, but they didn’t see. Sliding into a seat next to the counter, he gave in and started talking to Hange. “Uh, y-yeah. I actually h-have a friend, A-Ar- I mean, I have a-a friend who w-would really like i-it here.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” The barista raised an eyebrow at him before continuing to brew the coffee. Sighing, Eren shifted in his seat. _I can’t believe I’m talking to a stranger about this._

“We, uh….” He paused and looked down at his hands. “I mean, I-I--”

Hange turned on the steamer and spoke louder over the hiss of the machine, interrupting Eren. “This friend of yours, does he know you like him?”

The brown-haired boy almost fell out of his chair. “Wh-what? I do _not--_ ” Waving their hand dismissively, the barista turned around and handed Eren his coffee.

“Careful, it’s hot.” They wiped their hands on a damp rag that was sitting on the counter and then stared expectantly. Still offput by Hange’s comment, they slowly raised the cup to their lips and took a sip. The flavor was strange, like a mix of chai and apple cider, even though he knew it was coffee. “So, how is it?” 

He nodded in what he hoped was an encouraging way and set the cup on the table. “It’s g-good! Kind of weird, b-but I like i-it.”

Grinning, Hange rapped their knuckles on the cash register. “Time to pay up, buddy. Many thanks for your assistance.” The brown-haired boy heaved himself up and out of the chair and set down a few bills on the counter before sitting down. Hange put the money away and then leaned on the counter across from Eren. “Anyway, where were we?”

Redness spread across the German’s face once more and he bit his lip, turning his gaze over towards the window. “Um, l-like I said,” he brought his gaze back to the brunet person, “I-I don’t like h-him. I have a-a boyfriend.”

Sighing, Hange placed the fingers of one hand on their chin and gestured with the other. “Then that’s a real predicament you’ve got yourself into, Eren.” He raised an eyebrow in confusion and looked at the barista, who continued. “Because, you see, I can tell when someone has a crush on someone else. And you, my dear German exchange student, have a crush on this friend of yours.”

Feeling anger bubbling up into his consciousness, he stood up and grabbed his coffee. _Why are they so nosy? Ugh._ “L-look,” he muttered, putting a tip into the jar, “You m-may think you’ve got i-it all figured out, but I promise you th-that A-Armin is nothing more th-than a friend t-to me.” He paused and turned his back to the barista, who clicked their tongue. “Thanks for the c-coffee.”

As he stepped out of the door, he heard Hange call after him. Their voice, however, was obscured by the sound of the bells on the exit. _What a weird person._ Eren walked down the sidewalk and across the street once more. As he tapped past the brick building from before, his phone buzzed and he sighed. _I might as well answer._

There were two messages. One from Armin, the text from earlier, and one from Annie.

_To: Eren  
From: Armin  
Time: 12:38pm  
Message:  
Hey, I ran into Sasha at the bookstore and invited her over for dinner tonight. Is that alright?_

_To: Eren  
From: Annie  
Time: 1:04pm  
Message:  
try not to ignore armin too much. he’ll worry._

 

Crinkling his eyebrows, he stared at the two messages. Why did they seem so connected? It looked almost planned, but he knew that Annie would never do that. She just…. knew things. It kind of freaked him out. More than ‘kind of’--it scared the hell out of him. Turning onto one of the streets to get back to his apartment, he typed out a reply to Armin.

_To: Armin  
From: Eren  
Time: 1:06pm  
Message:  
yeah, sure. i’ll make something when i get back_

Pressing his lips together, he avoided the urge to sigh. That would work, for now. Of course, Armin was likely to be home. If he wasn’t, he definitely would be later. Eren found himself cursing his own invitation for the blond boy to stay with him, and then shook himself out of it. _He needs to be around other people, not in the empty dorm._

Replying to Annie was harder. Most of the time it seems like she was purposely targeting him and trying to intimidate him, but sometimes…. it was hard to tell. He didn’t want to risk getting slapped or, even worse, for her to ignore him completely. As internal as the blonde girl was, she still interacted with him and was a good friend. He didn’t want to lose that. Cautiously, he typed out an answer to her text.

_To: Annie  
From: Eren  
Time: 1:09pm  
Message:  
i’m just trying to figure everything out. don’t worry, i couldn’t make myself ignore him if i tried._

Both messages sent and he slipped his phone into his pocket. Soon enough, the apartment complex came into view. He hadn’t gotten a text back from either of them, but that was to be expected. Slowly, reluctantly, he opened the front door and hopped up the stairs to his apartment, hand hovering over the doorknob. _You have to face him eventually, Eren_. He opened turned the key in the lock and turned the handle into an empty room. Sighing in relief, he walked in and set his keys on the rack.

A voice came from the kitchen. “Eren?” Mentally cursing his luck, the brown-haired boy trotted into the kitchen and grinned at his friend, who was sitting at the table and reading a book.

“Is th-that a new book? You d-didn’t bring it w-with you.” He inquired, sliding into the seat across from the blond boy.

Smiling sheepishly, Armin tucked a bookmark into the pages and closed the book. “I told you I went to the bookstore. I just couldn’t help myself, it’s by one of my favorite authors.” Nodding absentmindedly, Eren tapped his fingers on the table. Silence hung in the air around them for a few seconds before Armin exhaled loudly. Taking his chance, the taller boy looked up at his friend, barely making eye contact.

“Armin, a-about yesterday-”

The blond boy bit his lip and turned away, resting his forearms on the table.

“-I shouldn’t have gone along with that. It….” Eren paused and pressed his eyes shut tight before opening them again. Evening light filtered through the small window, and he wished he could jump out and run away into the dusk. “It was a mistake.”

His friend stopped fidgeting and nodded before mumbling, “Yeah… yeah, you’re right. It was.”

Relief surged through Eren’s body. _At least he feels the same way as I do_. It was a non-issue. Grabbing Armin’s hand, he squeezed it and smiled gently at the other boy. “H-hey.” His friend looked up, something different in his eyes. “We’re s-still friends. I-it was just a stupid t-truth o-or dare game. Let’s n-not let this get between u-us, o-okay?”

Standing up and pulling his hand away, Armin smiled widely all of a sudden and looked down at his brunet friend. “Of course! Do you even know me, Eren? I wouldn’t let something as ridiculous as that ruin our friendship.”

Eren’s phone buzzed on the table, and looked down at the screen. Annie. He sneered at the screen, deleting the message before reading it. Then, he stood up and walked past Armin, slapping his friend on the shoulder as he did. He looked out the window into the city, now dark with cloud cover.

_You see, Annie? I don’t need your help, after all._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEYYY it's been forever! I'm gonna be honest with you, I just totally lost motivation to post chapters. I don't really have a particular update schedule rn, but I think I'll be uploading chapters on Saturdays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Sasha arrived at the door with a large smile on her face and a loaf of bread in her hand. Immediately she strode into the apartment as if she had lived here her whole life, sitting down at the counter. “Nice place.”

Armin closed the door by putting his weight against it. He lingered by the door for a few moments, finally going to his friend. She finished off her bread and wiped the crumbs from her lips, watching them dust the countertop. Eren poked his head out from inside his room. Upon noticing the arrival of a guest, he stepped out from behind the painted wood and strode over to the two friends.

“So you must be Eren!” Sasha said cheerily, swiveling in her chair. She promptly stuck her hand out, to which Eren firmly grasped in his own. “Armin mentioned you.”

The German relinquished his hold on Sasha’s hand and made his way around the other side of the counter. “D-did he? Y-you’re Sasha, right?” She nodded and dusted the crumbs off of the countertop, watching them fall in a flurry to the floor. Armin sat down beside Sasha.

“The one and only!” She chirped. “Armin also mentioned you’re a good cook -- which is why I’m here.”

Scoffing, Eren fiddled with the stove’s knob and turned on the heat. “I guess.” Armin shook his head and drew patterns on the table with his forefinger.

“He’s lying. He’s a really good cook.” Eren rubbed the back of his neck and turned around, grabbing a pan. He placed the skillet on top of the heat and went to the fridge, cutting off some butter into the skillet. 

“Sooooo...Armin also mentioned you have a boyfriend.” Beside Sasha, Armin froze, ceasing his drawing on the countertop. 

Turning pink, Eren nodded and shifted the pan so the butter covered the whole circumference. “Y-yeah. He was A-Armin’s r-roommate, actually.”

Sasha raised her eyebrows, mouth a small ‘o’ as she looked at Armin. Her hand flew to her jeans pocket as she took out her phone and typed out a message under the countertop, hitting send. Suddenly, Armin’s pocket buzzed slightly. “Really?” She pressed, pretending like she hadn’t looked at her phone, “Go on.”

_To: Armin  
From: Sasha  
Time: 6:31 pm  
Message:  
OUCH. he’s dating your ROOMMATE? that must suck even more!! :(((((((((_

Eren grabbed some meat and placed it on the pan. A loud hiss sounded through the room, coupled shortly thereafter by a pleasing scent. “He’s g-got a terrible t-taste in v-video games.”

Armin minimized the screen and locked his phone again. “What do you like about him? Details, Eren! I’m a girl, it’s my job to know this stuff!” A smile ghosted across Eren’s face as he allowed the meat to cook, moving it every so often with a pair of metal tongs.

“We have a-a good type of r-rivalry. It a-allows us to get c-close without worrying a-about it being awkward.” Eren shrugged. “I d-don’t really k-k-know how to explain it.”

“That sounds nice!” Sasha said as Eren flipped the meat, sprinkling seasoning onto it. “Man, if I didn’t know any better I’d assume you and Armin were a thing.”

Eren stumbled slightly, head snapping up. “Y-you’re the second p-person today w-who’s assumed stuff l-like this!” He exclaimed, jabbing at Sasha with the metal tongs. “H-honestly!” His tone was light-hearted but slightly annoyed.

“Wait,” Armin inquired, “Who was the other one?” He returned to tracing invisible pictures on the white surface.

“Some s-stupid b-barista at a coffee s-shop,” Eren muttered, sprinkling more spices and herbs onto the meat. 

“A barista was able to read that far into your relationship?” Sasha asked, shocked. She suddenly grinned and typed out another message on her phone, being sure to keep it out of Eren’s view. Again, Armin’s pocket buzzed. He ignored the message from her and cupped his head in his hands, unwilling to look at either friend. 

Eren was scowling now as he added a lump of butter on top of the meat. It melted away quickly. “Armin and I a-are not a thing.” He spoke determinedly, cutting into the meat with a sharp knife. It sizzled as the uncooked pieces fell against the skillet.

“I know, I know! But maybe…?” Sasha stopped speaking as Armin shook his head slightly.

“We’re not together. Just let it drop, Sasha.” He fixed Sasha with the firmest gaze he could muster. Immediately she apologized and placed her hands against the stool.

“What are you making?” For once, Armin was thankful for Sasha’s inability to stay locked onto one topic for long.

“Steak.” Eren replied shortly. The food now had little to no red, signs that it was ready to be served. He clicked the heat off and scraped the steak onto a few plates, serving them to his friends. The remaining bit of food was placed on his own plate.

Much of the meal was eaten in silence.

Occasionally Sasha would make a remark of how “oh my God, the food is amazing,” or “so what do you and Armin do when you’re bored,” or, “How are you liking America so far,” but outside of her questions, dinner was quiet.

The tension from earlier was renewed thanks to Sasha’s nosiness. Armin felt uncomfortable with speaking directly to Eren. It was yet another instance of someone learning about his feelings, and yet Armin hadn’t even shown up to the coffee shop. 

He just wanted his crush on Eren to go away. Soon enough, the meal was finished. Sasha placed her hands on her stomach with a satisfied sigh. “That was amazing. Armin wasn’t lying when he said you’re a good cook. Man, I wish I had a cute guy to cook for me! Armin’s lucky!”

She hopped to her feet and went to go clean her plate, winking at Armin as she passed him. Eren had a very sour expression on his face. His lips were moving rapidly as he spoke, but Armin was unable to hear the brown-haired boy.

He raised his voice. “I l-look forward to when J-Jean comes back s-so that p-people stop thinking I-I’m dating Armin.”

Back turned to the two boys, Sasha laughed lightly and placed her plate on the counter. Turning on her heels, she strolled back to the table and hovered by Armin’s side, who had his hands pressed tightly against his legs.

Jean had better come back soon, or he was going to go crazy.  
\--------------------------------------------------  
As it turned out, things faded back to semi-normality within a few days. Sasha was only in town for a week and during that time, Eren found that he saw her less and less, probably due to Armin’s influence. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her--she was a nice enough girl. But whenever she was around the two of them, she wouldn’t stop making references to Eren’s nonexistent relationship with Armin.

It had really begun to get on his nerves.

Once she had left, however, the tension between them started to fade. Armin apologized to Eren for Sasha’s actions, but he didn’t really need to. Eren knew that it was just other people who were reading something into their friendship, not them. 

He blinked open his eyes, eyes focusing in on the crack on the ceiling. _Ugh, my neck is cramping_. Slowly, he pushed himself up into a sitting position and yawned. He had been sleeping on the couch for, well, too long. Armin had tried to set up a “we swap every other night” kind of deal, but he had refused. Maybe he was being pushy, but the brown-haired boy still worried about his lighter-haired friend. He seemed better, but…. 

Eren sighed and rubbed his eyes. The door to his bedroom was still close, meaning that Armin was still asleep. _He’s been sleeping a lot more while he’s been here_ , he thought to himself, hauling himself off of the couch and heading towards the kitchen. Padding across the tile, he filled the kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil. Morning light shone through the window in warm golden rays.

 _What time is it?_ He flipped his head around to check the clock on the wall. _8:45am._ He had class at three, but until then….

Pouring the water into two separate cups and throwing in some teabags that Armin had bought him, Eren’s thoughts wandered to the bookstore he had gone to a little over a week ago. He knew that the blond boy would like it there--the scent of old books and chai in the air, a comforting atmosphere. _Still…._ He grimaced, remembering the strange barista. But….. they might not be there, and there wasn’t much else to do.

Trying not to burn his hands, the brown-haired boy pulled out the teabags from both cups and tossed them into the garbage. After that, he gripped the handles of both cups carefully and walked over to his bedroom, gently nudging the door open with his foot. Walking over to the side of the bed, he waved the tea in front of his sleeping friend’s face, hoping he would smell the beverage and just get up. He didn’t.

“Oi, A-Armin.” He nudged the other boy with his elbow. Stirring, he blinked open his eyes. Once he saw the tea, he carefully and quickly grabbed it from his taller friend. 

Grinning sleepily, he sat up against the wall. “Thanks, Eren. I’m assuming the fact that you woke me up means that you want to hang out and no one else was available.”

 _Actually, I didn’t try anyone else._ “Y-yeah, you know me t-too well.” Eren leaned against the wall and took a sip of his tea. “I w-want to show you th-this cool bookstore I-I found.”

Armin’s face lit up as he raised the mug to his lips. “A bookstore? You’ve got my attention.” Running his free hand through his hair, Eren’s smile turned into a toothy grin.

“Good. We’re leaving in fifteen minutes,” he raised his eyebrow and stepped out of the bedroom, hearing Armin struggling out of the bedding. Sinking into the couch, he stared out of the huge window and across the city skyline. It was a little risky to bring Armin to the bookstore, but he couldn’t help but think that his friend would enjoy it. And both of them had been a little bit down, lately. 

The brown-haired boy smiled into his teacup, letting the heat from the drink rise into his face. _Jean should come back soon_. In the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but remember the morning before his boyfriend had left, his hands tangled in his hair, lips gliding across his jawline. Shivering, Eren brushed two fingers over his neck.

He sighed and got up to put his mug in the kitchen. Behind him, a voice spoke up. “I miss him too.”

Whirling around, he saw Armin smiling slightly. “Y-yeah,” he murmured, taking the other empty mug from his friend. “He sh-should be back s-soon, since h-his mom is alright.”

The blond boy just smiled and nodded, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Ready to go, then?”

“O-oh, yeah,” Eren remembered, striding past Armin and into the main room. Grabbing his keys off of the hook, he spun them around his finger. The other boy laughed and followed his friend out of the door, which Eren locked behind them. The corridor was quiet and empty as they stepped down the stairs and out of the front door. The hum of traffic could be heard a few blocks away, but here the streets were silent and empty. He took a deep breath, taking in the damp morning air.

As they walked down the street, Armin talked about a new book he was reading, some science-related book of less common theories. Unable to keep his attention on the blond boy’s words, Eren let his gaze fall to his friend’s forearms. The scars looked alright--they weren’t infected or anything. Eren had made sure of that by seeing to it that Armin put neosporin on them and washed the cuts frequently. _But…._

His gaze darkened and Armin turned to the brown-haired boy, a worried expression on his face. Noticing where his friend was looking, he pulled his arms to his chest and dropped his gaze to the ground. For a moment there was silence, aside from the dull thud of their footfalls on concrete. Eventually, Armin’s voice came out, quiet and with hesitation. 

“Eren, I’m…” He let out an exhale, the sound hanging in the morning air. “I’m alright. You don’t need to worry so much.”

“B-but it’s my f-fault!” The brown-haired boy exclaimed, feeling wetness at the edges of his eyes but pushing it away. “I s-see those scars a-and am constantly reminded th-that I pushed you to d-do that.”

Suddenly, an arm shot out and grabbed his. “Stop, Eren.” Armin’s voice was firm as he stopped in the street, holding his friend back. “I’ve told you dozens of times that it wasn’t you. And things are different now, right?” He didn’t answer. “....right?”

Eren gritted his teeth and looked at the ground, shaking away the blond boy’s hand. “I-I’m…” he quavered and pulled his fingers into fists, digging the nails into the skin of his palm. “I’m s-still oblivious.”

The other boy pulled the fist away and entwined their two hands. “No, Eren-” He paused and then continued, a bright smile melting onto his face, “You’re not oblivious. You’re watching out for me, even… even now. I can’t thank you enough.”

“But Annie s-still thinks that I-I’m m-missing something,” the brown-haired boy recalled as he made eye contact with Armin, who squeezed his hand.

“Well, Annie is wrong. Don’t let her make you feel like you are not enough, don’t ever let her do that.” The shorter boy released his friend’s hand and dropped his own to his side. “You are a good friend to me, Eren.”

A small smile creeping onto the brunet’s face, he stretched his hands into the air. “I-I guess. Speaking o-of which, I h-have a bookstore to sh-show you.” He began to walk again in long strides, trying to push dark thoughts out of his head. _Maybe Armin is right and Annie is wrong. Maybe._

Soon enough, the bookstore on the corner came into view and Armin exclaimed. “Oh, Sawney and Bean’s! I’ve heard about this place before but have never gotten a chance to come here.” Skipping across the crosswalk with Eren behind him, he pulled open the door, making the bells jingle.

Pausing for a moment before following his friend, Eren took a deep breath. I’m glad he’s okay. Or…. or that he says he’s okay. Finally, he tugged at the handle and slipped inside, the smell of coffee beans and cinnamon filling his nose. His eyes followed Armin to a bookshelf next to the front counter. To his relief, no one was standing in front of the cash register.

Just as he was about to join Armin at the bookshelf, a voice called out to him. “Hey, German kid! Eren, wasn’t it?” He winced, turning his head to the side. Hange was standing in another doorway leading to the back of the shop, holding a large potted cactus. “I just got this for the store. It adds a nice “natural” feel, doesn’t it?”

Trying his best not to grimace, Eren waved unenthusiastically at the barista. “Uh… I-I guess.” Hange gave a thumbs up and stepped past him, setting the cactus down on the end of the counter. They shifted it around a bit, pressing their lips together, and then finally decided on a place to put it. Once the cactus was in position, they cackled and placed their hands on their hips before whirling around to face the brown-haired boy.

“So, you brought a friend! Is this the one you were talking about a few weeks ago?” Hange pointed at Armin, who shot a confused expression at the German. _Oh, gott._ Scratching the back of his head, he slowly nodded.

“Um, y-yeah it i-s.” He gestured to the barista. “A-Armin, this i-is Hange.”

He could almost read the blond’s thoughts. _“Is this the barista that Eren was talking about before?”_ He would ask himself. He sighed to himself as Armin shook the person’s hand. Yeah, it is. He silently apologized to his friend with a look, but the other boy waved it off with a smile, turning back towards Hange.

“I’ve never been here before. It’s a really lovely bookstore, do you run it on your own?”

Hange grabbed the rag off of the counter and wiped some dirt from the plant off. “Oh, no. I have another employee, Moblit, who sometimes comes in. My wife works at the university, but she sometimes helps out as well.”

“Oh, the university?” Armin exclaimed, sitting down on a chair in front of the barista. “The two of us go there. Who is she? We might know her.”

“Her name is Petra Ral. I think she’s a teacher in the…. the english department, maybe?”

Stepping forward, Eren leaned on the back of his friend’s chair. “I-I know her. Sh-she’s my Brit Lit p-professor.” Hange’s eyes lit up.

“Really? I’ll have to let her know that I met one of her students.” Pausing a moment, they seemed to realize something. “Do you two want some tea? I was heating up some water for myself when I decided to put up the plant.”

Nodding, Armin replied, “Yes, thank you.” Shrugging, the brown-haired boy muttered a small affirmation and thanks. Noticing his pissed-off attitude, his friend jabbed him in the leg with his elbow. He winced and moved away, but Hange started speaking with their back to them before he could complain to the blond about it.

“So, Eren, what are you planning on doing after college with that English major? I’m not criticizing, of course--as you can see, I’m quite the lover of books, myself.”

Hesitating, he took a deep breath and spilled out his regular excuse. “Um…. I-I was th-thinking that maybe I w-would try to b-become a journalist, preferably i-in the states.”

Hange slid two hot, steaming cups across the counter, which the two boys both grabbed and cradled in their hands. The barista leaned on the counter, flipping some brown hair out of their face. “You don’t sound too enthusiastic. Is that what you really want to do?”

 _Why are they always so pushy? They’re like a less intimidating Annie._ A grimace started to slide onto Eren’s face but he pushed it away and tried to speak nonchalantly, as if bored. “N-not really.”

“Hold up, Eren,” Armin interjected, looking at his friend and then at Hange. “I know that’s not true.” The barista raised an eyebrow and leaned into the counter, resting their elbows on the wooden surface. Feeling frustrated with the two of them, Eren turned his head away and fidgeted as the blond continued. “Eren writes poetry.”

“Oh, really?” Hange’s eyes opened wide. “I love poetry! You know, this place hosts a poetry reading every month. There’s one coming up in a few weeks and we’d love to have you.” They shifted their head around, trying to get a glimpse of Eren’s face. “Hey, you, I’m talking to you!”

 _I’m sick of this._ Frustration settling deep into his chest, the brown-haired boy whirled around. “I w-won’t do it. M-most of my poems a-are in German, a-anyway.”

“Even better!” Hange gestured wildly and took a sip of their tea. “I’d love to hear a foreign poem.”

Eren stepped forward and set his un-drunk tea on the counter. “Look, d-do I need to pay f-for this?”

“Oh, come on, Eren!” Armin’s voice resounded behind him and he could hear the shorter boy getting out of his chair. “Don’t be so harsh, Hange was just trying to suggest something fun. Besides your poems are really good and--”

“ _Warten,_ ” The brunet whirled around and narrowed his eyes at Armin. “Did y-you read my p-poetry?” Redness spread across his friend’s face and he fiddled with his hands. “A-Answer my question, A-Armin!”

Nervously letting his hands fall to the sides, he murmured, “Fine, yeah, I read a little bi--”

Anger boiled in Eren’s consciousness and he spread out his fingers and then clenched them into fists. Pressing his teeth together, he let his head drop to the floor, hair covering his eyes. “Y-you…” He murmured after a few tense seconds, and then snapped his head back up and half-yelled, “You h-had no r-right!”

“Eren, I--” The other boy pleaded with him, his eyes sad.

“N-no, Armin, those w-were private.” He turned his head away and closed his eyes, letting out a loud exhale. After a few seconds, he looked back at Armin. “You’re my f-friend, but…. you s-stepped out of bounds. Just…” He let his hands out of their fists. “J-just go get your stuff a-and go back to y-your dorm. I’m not s-staying with someone wh-who d-disrespects my privacy.”

For a few moments, Armin didn’t move. Eventually, however, the blond whispered a “thank you” to Hange and put a five dollar bill in the tip jar. Then, he slowly padded out of the bookstore, bells jingling as he left. Eren just stood there, feeling tears forming in the corners of his eyes. _What have I done?_

The barista let out a loud breath and then spoke. “Woo-ee, that was rough. You might as well have broken up with him.”

Eren’s head snapped up and he felt fire coursing through his veins once more. “I t-told you th-this before,” he snapped, “A-and I’ll tell y-you a-again: Armin a-and I are not d-dating, nor _will_ w-we ever date. And f-frankly, none o-of this has e-ever been any of your b-business.” He tossed the spare change in his pockets into the tip jar. “Th-thanks for the t-tea.” Turning on his heels so that Hange wouldn’t have a chance to reply, he slammed open the door and strode onto the sidewalk.

For around ten or fifteen minutes he wandered around, trying to cool down. He needed to apologize to Armin, but if he didn’t take some time first he just knew that he would blow up again. Eventually, he felt that he was calm enough to move past the fact that, _oh my gott,_ Armin had read some of his poetry, pretty personal stuff. 

But when he clambered up the stairs and entered the apartment, the blond boy was gone and so were all of his things. All of his things, of course, except a small USB drive with “from Eren” written on it in messy Sharpie handwriting.

A few miles away, though the German could not have known this at the time, a medium-sized van pulled into the city. As the boy with two-toned hair inside blasted eighties tunes through his car radio, he grinned.

“I hope Eren and Armin are doing alright,” he thought to himself, turning up the sound of Depeche Mode.

“I fucking love this song.” Rolling down the window, he belted out the words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _All I ever wanted  
>  All I ever needed  
> Is here in my arms  
> Words are very unnecessary  
> They can only do harm  
>  \- “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode_


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, forgot to update. -insert shrugging emoticon here-
> 
> Warning for Jeaneren fans: might not wanna read this chapter unless you're ready to be upset.

Armin threw his bag against the ground and walked over to the table, biting at his hand to repress a rising scream. He ignored the forming bruise from his bitemarks and slammed his other fist against the wood. _You fucked up this time._

He clenched and unclenched his hands, shoving himself out of the chair and walking to the bag on the floor. Armin grabbed a pair of earbuds thrown on the top of the bag and plugged them into his phone, placing the buds tightly in his ears. He turned the volume up and pressed play as he began to unpack his stuff.

As he unpacked, Armin’s anger began to melt away. _You shouldn’t have gone through his poetry. Of course he’d be mad. Way to go, you lost another friend. Sooner or later you’ll lose them all._ A sour expression edged onto his face until Armin was certain he was the embodiment of the phrase “if looks could kill.” He threw his clothes into the dresser, throwing the drawers closed fiercely.

By the time Armin finished putting his stuff back, he was no longer angry at Eren, but angry at himself. It was his fault he had lost Eren’s friendship. He had screwed up big time, and now there was no remedy for this dilemma. The blonde whispered something not even he could understand and slumped back into the comforter, closing his eyes and listening to his music.

Armin’s favorite song soon flooded his eardrums, but it did nothing to soothe his anger and instead made him feel more and more upset. Instead, he skipped the song and waited for another one to come on.

He remained enveloped in the covers of his bed for what seemed like forever, when suddenly someone tapped his forehead. Startled, Armin sat up and threw the earbuds out of his ears.

“Long time no see, nerd!” Jean exclaimed, hands on his hips. 

Armin looked at Jean with shock. “You should have texted!”

Shrugging, Jean placed his bag beside him. “Wanted to surprise you and Eren. Speaking of the asshole, I’m surprised he’s not hanging out with you!”

Armin turned his gaze towards the floor sourly, rubbing his neck. “Yeah, we just got in a fight that didn’t end too well.” His other hand grasped at the comforter tightly. Jean furrowed his eyebrows.

“Really?” He asked, “Well. I’m surprised.” Jean sat down beside his friend. “What happened?”

“It’s not really my place to say.” Armin smiled dryly, looking back to Jean. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s doing a lot better!” Jean chirped. “She was released from the hospital a few days ago, so I decided it was time for me to come back. Though, I was hoping for you two to still be friends…” his voice trailed off.

“You’re welcome to go see him, if you like.” Armin offered. “I need to apologize, but I….I just can’t do it right now.” He hugged his arms close to his chest. Jean nodded understandably.

“I’ll be back in a bit, in that case. Are….are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” Immediately, Jean’s gaze traveled to Armin’s arms, who tugged them closer to his body.

“Yes.” He said firmly. “I’m not going to do it again.” With that, Armin got to his feet and pulled Jean up.

“I don’t want a repeat of what happened earlier.” Jean replied, placing a hand on Armin’s shoulder. In response, the blonde just smiled and patted the top of Jean’s hand.

“You just got back from a stressful enough trip. Go get a nice welcome home, Jean. I’ll just end up bringin’ you down.” Biting his lip, Jean narrowed his eyes but let his hand slide off of Armin’s shoulder. 

The boy exhaled and turned to leave the dorm room. “I’ll be back in a bit.” The door opened and closed behind Jean, leaving Armin alone in the empty room once again.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Armin dug his nails against the fabric of his jeans. He paced back and forth for a few minutes and then retrieved his phone, contemplating sending a text to Eren. It would be something like Eren had done for Armin when they had fought early on.

Hand hovering over the digital keyboard, Armin closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. Fighting back the tears welling up inside of him, he tapped out a message and quickly erased it. _You have to send something. Just a few words. You can do it._

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Armin slowly wrote out a few words of apology and hit send before he had time to think it over. He returned the phone to his pocket.

_To: Eren  
From: Armin  
Time: 9:46 am  
Message:  
I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I just wanted to say I’m really sorry._

He slid the phone across the counter and bit at his hand again, trying to ignore everything else again. There was no way Eren would believe Armin was really sorry with just a text. He would definitely have to drop by later.

Part of him begged for a response from Eren, but deep down he knew the German wouldn’t respond. Why should he? Armin had crossed a personal boundary he never should have considered breaking. Then again, at the time he didn’t realize how personal everything was to Eren.

But if Eren had been the one to go through Armin’s stuff… he likely would have reacted in a similar way. Armin sat down at the table and ran his fingers through his hair. The room had a pressured silence, making him feel more and more suffocated as time passed.

There was nothing to do anymore but play video games and sulk. Laughing slightly at himself, Armin realized how like Jean he sounded, but got up and headed to the small closet-turned-room and turned on the TV to replay _The Last Of Us_ for the fourth time.

This time, he placed the difficulty settings on the hardest available and watched the cutscene that marked the beginning of the game. After playing through the game’s prologue, his phone went off in the other room.

Armin got up and retrieved his phone, returning to the beanbag cushion and unlocked his phone. He tapped on the message box with his forefinger. A message from Sasha. 

_To: Armin  
From: Sasha  
Time: 10:32 am  
Message:  
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO have u and eren started dating yet?_

Armin deleted the message and made a mental note not to look at his phone if Sasha sent him another text. That was the third one relating to their relationship in the past...what, few days? He re-locked his phone and placed it to the side, resuming his playthrough of _The Last Of Us._

The next few hours passed by fairly quickly until Jean returned. He sat down beside Armin. “ _The Last Of Us_ , huh? I still haven’t beaten that damn game.”

“This is my fourth playthrough,” Armin admitted, looking over at the boy with the dyed hair, whose mouth fell slightly ajar.

“That good?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s that good. How was Eren?” He inquired, maneuvering Joel behind a wall and ducking just as a clicker stumbled past the fictional character. 

“He was okay. Didn’t really want to...do anything though. I tried kissing him a few times but he kept pushing me away.” Jean paused as a heavy silence hung in the air. “I… I think he’s more attached to you than either of you realize.”

Armin paused the game and glared at Jean. “Please, don’t start. You’re the fifth fucking person who has mentioned stuff like that.”

Defensively, Jean waved his hands in the air. “I don’t mean relationship wise! I just mean in general. He relies a lot more on you than you realize. That’s all. Now please stop swearing -- it makes me uncomfortable.”

Cracking a smile, Armin turned back to the television screen and resumed his game, frowning as a clicker grabbed Joel and bit him in the neck. Game over flashed on the screen, leading to Armin restarting the same part. “Sorry for snapping. It’s just...I’m kind of sick of everyone thinking Eren and I are a thing when we’re not.”

“Wow, you two must be really close.” Jean whistled and leaned back on his elbows. “No wonder he seemed awkward.”

Anger surged through Armin’s mind as he spoke impulsively. “I said stop.”

“Right, right. I’ll stop.” Jean immediately shut up and watched the screen. The next thirty minutes passed in general silence, occasionally broken by a remark about the game or questions about what Armin had done in the past few weeks.

“You should really go apologize.” Jean continued.

“I can’t right now. Maybe….maybe tomorrow….” Armin murmured, focusing his gaze on the television. Beside him, Jean threw his hands into the air.

“Come on, it’s only because of you that we ended up dating. Without you, I’d still be locked away in my room eating instant noodles and crying while playing the Bioshock games. Now get up.” Not waiting for a reply, Jean hoisted the other boy to his feet, directing him out the door to the dorm.

Armin whirled on his heels, but Jean closed the door before Armin could re-enter the room. The blonde didn’t have a key on him, so he had no choice but to go to Eren’s apartment or ignore the problem. “And for the record, it’s okay for you two to rely so much on each other,” Jean’s voice soared through the door.

Scowling, Armin stomped through the hallway and to his car, beginning the familiar journey back to Eren’s apartment. He didn’t want to rely on anyone, much less Eren. 

Deep down, a ray of happiness pestered Armin. Even though he felt bad about being happy about it, the fact that Jean thought Eren relied on him so much...it was… nice? He didn’t know how else to explain it. Of course he still had a completely hopeless crush on Eren.

Pulling into the parking lot, Armin turned the car off and took a few deep breaths, already feeling the sweat on his skin. He got out of his car and locked it behind him, heading up the flight of stairs and to Eren’s apartment.

 _What if he’s not here?_ Ignoring the doubts in his mind, Armin’s hand lingered above the wood. He took another breath and knocked. A few moments passed, and then a flurry of footsteps approached the door. It swung open.

In front of Armin stood Eren, who leaned against the threshold, immediately looking incredibly pissed off. He began to close the door as Armin started to talk, throat dry. “Wait.”

The door stopped moving as Eren kept his palm on it, eyes narrowed at the shorter boy. “I…” Armin began. “I just...wanted to say I’m sorry. And I know you don’t want to talk to me now, and I understand that. I also understand it might take a while for you to forgive me. I crossed a line when I looked at your poetry, and I know I never should have done it. I’m really sorry for invading your privacy.”

The words came out in a jumble before Armin could revise them in his mind. Immediately he felt like he had spoke for too long. Instead, Eren’s facial features softened slightly. He opened the door a little more.

“I’m s-sorry for kicking y-you out like that. I-it was kind o-of uncalled for o-on m-my part. I’m sorry f-for acting s-so rashly. Are….a-are we okay?” 

Armin took a deep breath and let it out. “You shouldn’t apologize. I’m fine if you are.”

“Okay.” Eren mused. “T-tell Jean to d-drop by again later, w-would you? I….I was k-kind of being a bad b-boyfriend earlier. If you w-want to come, you c-can.”

Armin shrugged. “It’s fine. I want you two to be happy.” Eren nodded and started to close the door. “Um, there’s just...one more thing.”

“What?”

“Jean mentioned something about you...relying on me? I don’t know. But uh, if that’s the case, I’m happy that you think so highly of me.”

Confused, Eren just looked at Armin but eventually let it go, smiling a bit. “A-alright, Armin. I’ll s-see you around.” The door closed in front of him.

Despite apologizing, Armin felt like nothing had really been resolved. There was still a tightness in his chest. Sure, Eren had accepted his apology, but Armin didn’t feel one hundred percent satisfied. Something was strange with Eren’s words that only became more prominent after Armin mentioned Jean’s opinion of them.

Feeling uncomfortable but refusing to let it dwell in his mind, the blonde turned and tapped back down the stairs.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Once he had closed the door, Eren leaned into the wood frame. He was glad that he had been able to apologize to Armin, but….. he sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Jean probably wouldn’t be over for a while, and the brown-haired boy didn’t really think he could talk to him about this, anyway. Sliding one finger over the glowing screen, he tapped into the messaging application.

_To: Annie  
From: Eren  
Time: 2:14pm  
Message:  
can you come over? i need to talk_

As he waited for a reply, he slipped the phone back into the large pocket of his jeans and stepped into the kitchen. He pulled the cork lid off of a jar and grabbed some almonds, tossing them into his mouth. Drinking tea with Armin seemed like a distant memory--something that had happened weeks ago, not that morning. He sighed and slid into a chair at the table, drumming his fingers on the polished wood. 

A few seconds later, his phone buzzed. He retrieved it from his pocket and navigated to the text.

_To: Eren  
From: Annie  
Time: 2:22pm  
Message:  
Uh, okay. I’ll be there in 15 minutes._

Glad that she was able to come over, he browsed Facebook on his phone for a little while and, upon seeing nothing new, left the phone on the table and tapped into the other room to his computer, sitting on the desk. Unsure of what else to do until the blonde girl arrived, he opened one of his favorite short indie games, Dear Esther. For fifteen minutes he listened to the soundtrack on low volume and wandered around the island area, trying to notice all of the things that the game had changed since the last time he played.

A soft knock could be heard on his door. Quickly exiting out of the game and setting his computer to ‘sleep’, he hopped up and tugged on the handle. As soon as the door was partway open Annie slipped in, her hair wet and a hoodie thrown on over jeans. “Sorry,” she muttered, tossing her bag onto the table near the door, “I had just taken a shower when I got your text.”

“I-I don’t c-care. Thanks for c-coming at a-all,” Eren shrugged, following the blonde girl to his couch and chairs. She flopped into the large armchair, kicking off her shoes and placing sock-clad feet on the coffee table. Not speaking, she looked expectantly at the other boy, raising an eyebrow.

 _She wants me to start talking, but I…. don’t know what to say or where to start_. He sighed and leaned towards the table from his position on the couch. “Jean is b-back. A-also, Armin and I g-got into a fight e-earlier today.”

Annie pursed her lips, listening carefully. “And you both apologized?”

“Y-yes.” Squinting slightly, the blonde girl watched Eren as he spoke. “But… but s-something is still o-off. I don’t f-feel like I-I fixed anything….” Trailing off, he glanced out the window, remembering how he had yelled at his friend earlier that day in the bookstore and feeling a twinge of regret in his chest. 

An exhale escaping the thin crack between her lips, Annie moved into a regular sitting position, removing her feet from the table. “The fact that you see that shows that you’re less of a fool than before.” Looking back at the girl in front of him, Eren pursed his eyebrows in slight confusion and she continued. “You’re starting to get it.”

 _….What?_ Tilting his head slightly to the side, he leaned back into the couch and put his hands behind his head. “I s-still don’t understand wh-what you mean, Annie. You’re s-so….” he struggled for words. “ _....hintergründig._ I d-don’t know the English w-word. C-confusing. Puzzle-like.”

“Cryptic?” She answered immediately, smirking. “I think that’s the word you want.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “U-uh, yeah. Cryptic. Y-you’re cryptic.”

Smiling slightly, warmly, she sunk back into the chair and ran a hand through her wet hair. “Maybe you’re right. I suppose….” She looked down. “I don’t want to mess with other people’s friendships and relationships more than I already have. I’ve destroyed a few of my own friendships that way before, on accident.” 

The blonde girl looked out towards the skyline and then back at Eren. “So I want you to figure out your own life by yourself from now on. I’ve been acting like I’m separate from all of this, but I’ve already meddled enough.” She stood up and picked up her phone off of the table, slipping it into the front pocket of her hoodie.

“W-wait, are you leaving?!” Eren hopped up, following her towards the door. _She’s just going to leave me like this and not help?_

She smiled at him again and turned the handle, grabbing her bag off of the table. “Yeah, I am. Don’t worry, Eren, I know that everything will turn out alright. You can do this.” With that, she stepped out into the hallway. “Talk to you later, Eren.”

He closed the door behind her. _Well…. that was entirely unhelpful._ Sighing, he returned to his computer and played through the rest of Dear Esther. It was a short game, so it only took around an hour. The end left him feeling strangely nostalgic and emotional, as usual. Pushing himself out of the swivel chair, he stretched his arms. _What now?_

Right at that moment, someone knocked. Eren smiled, his eyes brightening. _Jean._ Pulling open the door, he let in the taller boy for the second time that day. “You planning on telling me to ‘shove off’ again?” His boyfriend asked, raising an eyebrow. The brown-haired boy grinned and grabbed Jean’s collar, pulling his lips down to meet his.

When he let go, he murmured, “Does th-that answer your question, _a-arschloch?_ ”

Rolling his eyes, Jean laughed. “Yeah, yeah it does.” The other boy wandered away, to Eren’s surprise, leaning on the back of the large armchair. The German followed, coming up behind Jean and wrapping his hands around his waist. When his boyfriend stayed silent, he gently pressed a few kisses to his neck.

After a little bit, he rested his hand on Jean’s shoulder. “Sh-should I be worried th-that you’re not talking t-to me?” The other boy stayed silent and eventually pulled away from Eren’s touch, staring across the city skyline. _What is he thinking about? Was I too much of a jerk earlier?_

“Jean?” He inquired, voice soft. Sighing, the taller boy turned around and grabbed Eren’s hand. Squeezing it, he looked down at the ground and then back up, into the German’s sea-green eyes.

“Eren, this….” He paused and bit his lip. “This isn’t going to work.”

The brunet furrowed his brows and pulled his hand away. “W-wait, what? What i-isn’t going to w-work?”

Watching Jean, he saw the other boy’s lips trembling and a sad expression in his eyes. Slowly, his boyfriend moved his hand up to the top of his shirt and adjusted his collar, straining his neck. “I mean… us. We aren’t going to work. I can’t--” His voice choked up and Eren felt the urge to run away before he could continue. “I can’t stay with you.”

 _I guess I just…. I guess that I was hoping that he would say something else. I wish…._ Eren brought his hand to his face, covering his mouth. _I can’t let him see me… I can’t let him see me like this._

“O… okay.” The words came out of his mouth so quietly that he thought the other boy might not hear them. Swallowing the last bit of saliva in his mouth, his throat felt dry. Evening sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating around Jean’s silhouette and making his face seem dark.

The other boy exhaled and then inhaled through his nose, about to say something. Eren spoke first, stepping slightly towards him. “But.. a-answer me one th-thing.”

Jean turned his head away, closing his eyes, and then brought his gaze back to the brunet. “Yeah, anything. What is it?”

Eren took a deep breath and started to reach for the other boy’s hand before pulling away. “....Why? A-am I…. am I n-not enough?” He started to choke up at the end of the sentence, gulping back the emotions threatening to spill over.

“No, you’re _more_ than enough, Eren,” Jean looked like he was about to cry but he smiled, almost starting to laugh. Eren bit his lip. _This isn’t the boy I’m used to. I don’t want to see this_. Jean continued. “It’s just…. I am not enough for you.” He looked down and then laughed to himself, a warm smile spreading across his mouth like he was thinking about an inside joke. “I mean, I’m plenty great. I’m sure that there will be some girl or even some other guy who will dig all this.” He gestured to himself and Eren couldn’t help but smile a little.

The other boy’s expression darkened once more. “But I’m not the one you should be with.”

 _Oh_. Eren stayed silent until Jean clicked his tongue and continued. “I think I knew even before I left, to be honest. You never really cared about me like I thought you did at the beginning.” He looked over at the German with a sad expression. “You liked someone else but thought I was the one those feelings were for.”

A small whisper came out of Eren’s throat and he felt his lip trembling slightly. “ _What?_ ”

“I like you, Eren. I do. But I can’t just sit here and watch as you date the wrong boy.” He reached out and brushed his fingers across Eren’s cheek. “I’m going to miss you. You’re a damn good kisser, Jaeger.”

Tears started to form at the edges of Eren’s eyes and he fell forward, hugging Jean. _Of course. All this time…. these last few months… I’ve been so stupid, no wonder Annie acted the way she did._ The taller boy rubbed his hand over Eren’s back as he sobbed into his friend’s shoulder. Eventually, the room darkened and the brunet pulled away, wiping the wetness away from his eyes. 

“I’m s-sorry, Jean. I-I’m really, really sorry.” He looked into the other boy’s brown eyes, but he only smiled and squeezed Eren’s hand before letting it go.

“It’s okay. I’ll be okay. Besides, I’ve still got that black-haired beauty to chase, right?” He winked, but Eren could tell he was hurting. Stepping forward, he put his hands on Jean’s cheeks, resting their foreheads together. A single tear ran down the other boy’s face, coming to rest in the space between Eren’s thumb and pointer finger.

“Can I….” Jean started, pulling slightly away and looking into the brunet’s eyes. “Can I kiss you? Just…. just once more, before it’s over?” Heart thumping and wetness still burning in the corners of his eyes, Eren nodded slightly and leaned in.

In the dark, shadowy, room, Eren Jaeger kissed Jean Kirschtein for the last time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On time! -bows for the crowd- I've finally done it.  
> This is probably my favorite chapter in the entire fic, and it would do you well to go into a translator and check out what Eren's saying.

Jean walked into the room with red eyes and a running nose. Before Armin could open his mouth to ask what was wrong, he stopped walking and stuck his chin into the air slightly. “Eren and I broke up,” he announced.

Fingers smoothing out the pages of his book, Armin stared at the words on the paper and then raised his head. “What….what happened?” He asked.

Jean coughed to clear his throat and wobbled slightly. He regained his posture and shrugged, rubbing his face. “I….we just don’t have the right chemistry, I guess.”

“You’ve been here for a day and instead of a welcome party you just broke up with your boyfriend? I’m sorry that happened,’ Armin said apologetically, slowly closing the heavy binding of the book. “Can I do anything for you?”

Jean grinned a slightly-broken grin, eyes still puffy. “Nah. Just give me a few days.” With that, the boy with the two-toned hair slowly walked over to his room, squeaking the door shut. The room felt claustrophobic around Armin as he pondered what exactly had happened.

_Was it a fight that he doesn’t want to mention? Was it just because…he didn’t want to date him anymore?_

_Or was it because “he relies on you more than me”?_

Guilt surged through Armin’s whole being. He fiddled with a piece of his hair, drawing it to his lip nervously. If it really was because of something like that…then it would be his fault. He contemplated going to see Eren to make sure if he was okay and pressed his hands against the wooden table, getting to his feet.

“Jean? Are you sure you don’t need anything?” He called against the wood door as he passed by it.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. Go ahead and see Eren,” Jean’s voice resounded from inside his room. Despite trying not to hurt his friend, Armin did feel slightly offended. Was it that obvious?

“I…..okay.” Armin finally said, turning to leave. He paused at the door and turned back to Jean’s room, hand hovering above the door. He probably owed him the truth regarding how he felt for Eren. “Jean?”

A silence, followed shortly by a, “Yeah?”

“This is probably not the best time to tell you…but…but I think I owe you the truth in regards to how I felt. Truth is, I—“

“Jesus Christ Armin, I know you like Eren. It’s okay. Really. I don’t mind. He won’t either. Now shoo and let me play my video games in peace.” 

Allowing his hand to fall back to his side, Armin closed his eyes and then pushed the door open with his foot. It swung shut behind him with a dull thump. He remained there for what seemed too long, staring down the long hallway until he had to remind himself to move.

Almost mechanically, Armin turned the ignition on in his car and began the drive down to Eren’s apartment complex. As the road whizzed by him, he contemplated what to do, how to make sure they’d be okay, and also try not to damage their friendship.

The short drive was soon over, and Armin clicked the car off and inched out into the burning sun. Taking long strides, he headed up the stairs and to Eren’s apartment room, knocking gently on the door.

Seconds passed. Armin was about ready to turn and leave when the door suddenly cracked open slightly. Behind the white wood stood a very tired looking Eren, hand still firmly on the door. “ _Scheisse_ … Armin, p-please. I’m r-really not i-in the mood t-to talk to a-anyone.”

Staring at the ground, Armin nodded his head. “I understand. Jean told me what happened. If….if you need anything, you can call or text me. I’m really sorry.”

“S’not your f-fault,” Eren murmured, already retreating into his apartment, the door closing before him. Again Armin found himself staring at another wooden wall. His emotions muddled together, and soon enough the blonde was unable to determine what he was feeling at the moment.

All he could do for the moment was hope that Jean and Eren would be on speaking terms soon. He assumed nothing too bad had happened, but of course the two would both need time to themselves. Retreating, Armin bit his lower lip and returned to his car, about ready to leave when suddenly his phone buzzed.

_To: Armin  
From: Eren  
Time: 8:31 pm  
Message:  
if you’re not too far away now, could you actually come back to the apartment??? some company would be nice i guess_

Instead of replying, Armin got back out of the car and up the stairs once more. The door opened before he had a chance to knock. Silence buzzed between the two boys until Eren fiddled with the edge of his shirt and moved to the side. Without saying a word, Armin stepped into the room, shattering the silence with the sound of his footsteps.

“So, um…do you want to do anything?” Armin asked, stepping over to one of the stools at the counter and sitting down. Behind him, Eren shrugged as if to appear nonchalant. He settled down beside his friend, resting his head on his arms. “...What….happened? Do you want to talk about it?”

Again, Eren shrugged, but he opened his mouth as if to speak. Shortly after he closed it, then took a breath and started talking. “H-he just said i-it wouldn’t work o-out. It w-wasn’t a bad b-break up or a-anything.” The boy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes as he did so.

Armin nodded sympathetically and reached out, patting Eren’s arm lightly. Without thinking, his fingers trailed up to Eren’s head and gently combed through his hair once, then twice. He started to withdraw his hand, but Eren raised his head slightly instead. “That f-feels nice,” he said drowsily, lowering his head back down to his arms.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, Armin’s cheeks flushed. He started to play with Eren’s hair, fingers rustling his brown locks. A content sigh escaped Eren’s lips as he relaxed, a smile finally working its way onto his face. Again, Armin felt a blush color his cheeks. 

It was probably wrong of him to still be thinking so selfishly after Eren and Jean had broken up. But God was Eren Jaeger perfect in every way. 

Finally, Armin dropped his hand back to his side. Eren whined, but adjusted himself so he was sitting upright. “T-thank you for p-putting up with m-me when I’m w-wallowing in depression like e-every other teenage g-girl out there,” Eren remarked. Beside him, Armin just smiled slightly.

“You helped me out once. I gotta return the favor, right?” He played with a string hanging from his sweater until Eren got to his feet and, with heavy steps, went to the couch before the television.

“D-do you want t-to watch a m-movie?” He asked, already turning the TV on and going to Netflix. Armin hopped over the back of the couch and onto the cushions, crossing his legs. 

“Why not?”

Remarks of “oh this movie is good!” and “this one is amazing” were exchanged for the next few minutes, but neither boy could agree on a title. Eventually, _Blade Runner_ , one of Armin’s favorite movies appeared before them. 

The boy gasped and pointed at the movie on the screen. “That one. Oh my _God_ we have to watch that one.” Eren raised an eyebrow and hit a button on the remote, bringing up the summary of the movie. He read it aloud. “It’s got Harrison Ford in it.” Armin protested.

“I d-don’t know American a-actors, Armin.” Eren replied matter-of-factly. Armin threw his hands into the air.

“ _Star Wars? Indiana Jones?_ Come on, you have to have seen something with him in it.” Eren finally nodded his head and hit play.

Unlike Jean, Eren didn’t talk during movies whatsoever, a trait Armin found relieving. It was annoying to have to listen to Jean spout off words every other second and end up missing half of the story. Every now and then, Eren would ask a question relating to the plot if he didn’t understand what was going on.

By this point, Armin had pretty much memorized the entire script of _Blade Runner_ , so he was quick to explain everything that had happened. Outside of these few exchanges, the movie was watched in silence.

When the movie was over and the credits were rolling, Eren fell back into the sofa. “What did you think?” Armin asked immediately. Eren shrugged.

“It was o-okay. Needed a-a bit more a-action i-if you ask me. I enjoyed it, t-though!”

Feeling slightly disappointed with Eren’s response, Armin sighed and leaned forward. “Darn. Guess that was a hit-and-a-miss. Sorry you didn’t like it.”

Eren got to his feet and helped Armin up by pulling him up. “N-no worries. Thanks for g-getting my mind off o-of things.”

Jean. Armin immediately looked to the door. “Crap, I should probably get back to Jean too. Do you need anything else?”

Eren shook his head and went to his room, already beginning to close the door behind him. “I t-think I’m okay now, t-thanks to y-you. Thanks, Armin. I r-really mean it.”

The blonde headed out the apartment and back to his car, beginning the drive back home with hopes that everything between the three boys would be okay soon. Everything between them was awkward now, with a wound that only time could heal.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
That night, Eren woke with a name on his lips that was not his own and was not Jean’s. It passed in between the cracked skin around his mouth and was lost in the fog of sleep. Still, whatever dream that had prompted him to whisper such a thing disrupted him in the middle of the night. His eyes fluttered open to a room of shadows. 

In a sticky daze, he felt the world spinning around him and rolled back into the soft material of his pillow. The sheets were soaked with his own sweat, strangling his legs with heat. _I can’t do this._

He ripped away the fabric and tossed it onto the ground, groaning. For a few minutes, he turned over and over on his mattress in the hopes of grasping onto some weak possibility of sleep. Eventually, however, the brown-haired boy gave up and propped himself up against the headrest, The sky outside was dark and his alarm hadn’t gone off yet, not that he had anything in particular to do that day. 

Sluggishly throwing his arm towards the bedside table, he grabbed his phone and clicked open the lock screen. _11:39pm_. His eyes widened and he sat up straight. How was that possible? He had only slept for a couple hours. With a weak sigh, he tossed his phone back onto the table and collapsed into the pillows, jamming his face into them. What had he been dreaming about to make him feel this way?

All he could remember was sweat and fear and that he had been trying to call out a name but his throat was too dry. Taking a dry swallow and realizing that that part of the dream hadn’t been fake, Eren pushed himself into a sitting position and swung his legs over the side of the bed and onto the floor. Biting his lips and grimacing at the cold wood below his feet, he tapped out of the room and into the kitchen. 

Once he had gotten a glass of water, he gently raised the glass to his chapped lips and took a sip. Tossing brunet hair out of his eyes, Eren leaned into the marble counter and glanced out the window. It was dark outside, but lights from the city provided weak illumination across the rooftops.

 _What now?_ He knew that he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep in this mental state, not to mention that he had a splitting headache. It just wasn’t possible. Still….. he dumped the water down the drain and left the glass on the counter, softly padding into the living room and flopping onto the couch. Strange thoughts went through his head. 

Eren had tried to make himself feel sad about the break-up, he really had. After Armin left, before he went to sleep, he watched some of his favorite sad German movies and ate a couple pints of ice cream. Nothing. No strong reaction.

If anything, the emotion that he felt was closest to relief. Not that he hadn't liked Jean, because he had. But.... maybe not in the way that was best for either of them. The other boy had been right. Still, he couldn’t help but feel sad about it. It wasn’t like he had stopped being attracted to Jean, because he, uh, really hadn’t. 

Laying one arm across his forehead, the brown-haired boy stared at the faint cracks in the ceiling. Had he ever really had any connection to Jean other than pure attraction, or any desire to form a relationship? Maybe, but now…. he couldn’t tell. All of the emotions in his head were so muddled and it was causing him to lose sleep.

His head hurt, his mouth felt like a desert and he was so close to crying again that he had to hold himself back. This wouldn’t do.

In resignation, he heaved himself up and off of the couch, walking back into the bedroom to retrieve his cell phone off of the table. Sitting around here and moping wouldn’t do anything. It wasn’t like he was about to go to therapy, he just wanted a night off. More than anything, Eren just wanted to get his mind off of things.

Pausing with his finger over the number, he finally pressed down and moved the phone to his ear. It rung a few times before someone answered.

“Man, Eren, some people sleep around here, you know!” Historia’s voice rang through the phone and the brown-haired boy rolled his eyes slightly.

He sighed into the phone. “I’m s-sorry, I-”

“But I am _not_ one of those people,” The girl on the other lined laughed loudly through the phone. “You’re so gullible. Do you even _know_ me? Anyway, whaddya need?”

Scratching the back of his head with one free hand, he nervously spoke into the phone. “I-I just… Jean a-and I broke up t-today.”

“What?!” His friend exclaimed loudly through the phone, and he had to hold it slightly away from his ear. “Ohmygod, why?! I’ll bring over some Ben & Jerry’s right away.”

“W-wait,” he stuttered into the phone and sighed. “I mean, I-I appreciate it, b-but that’s n-not what I need.” He paused and there was a patient silence from the other line before Eren continued. “Do you… d-do you know o-of any good g-gay bars?”

Another pause, and then Historia replied in a sly voice. “Oh-ho-ho, I see what you mean. You wanna get real fucked up. Well, don’t you worry for a minute, Eren. Ymir and I will be there to pick you up in ten minutes. Don’t wear anything you don’t want to get messed up, a’right?”

“U-uh,” he bit his lip. “ _D-dank_. S-see you then.” He hung up the phone and slipped it into his back pocket. He had gone to bed in his Jeans and T-shirt, so he just threw on a jacket and shoved some cash into his back pocket. Looking into the mirror, he tilted his head slightly to the side and flipped the brown hair out of his face. _Good enough_. 

A few minutes later, he heard a rhythmic pattern being rapped on his door and swung it open. Historia and Ymir stood in front of him, Ymir in a loose white collared shirt and Jeans and Historia in a skin-tight rave dress. “Ay, Eren!” The blonde shoved him lightly in the chest and he stepped away slightly nervously. “You ready to have a good goddamn night?”

“Um,” he started, but was interrupted by the taller brunette girl.

“We’ll take your mind off of that horse-faced poser,” she attempted to wink, but it just made Eren extremely uncomfortable.

“N-never do that a-again,” he murmured, but Historia grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway, exclaiming “Time’s a’ wasting!”

Ymir’s car was extremely dirty, with trash littering the floor and weird stains on the upholstery. One looked like… lipstick? The other… he would guess that it was probably alcohol of some sort. As the two girls piled into the front and he begrudgingly climbed into the back, he decided not to voice his complaints for fear of being slaughtered by Ymir.

The place they were going to was only about a ten minute drive away, with neon lights on the front. It was called “Rivaille’s”.

“W-weird name,” Eren muttered to himself as he clambered out of the car and and rested his hand on the top. Historia grinned at him and gestured towards the entrance before proceeding up to the front of the line. She muttered something to the bouncer, who lifted the cord for the three of them, enabling them to move past the long line extending down the block.

As they passed through a hallway where the walls were lined with black velvet, Eren wrinkled his eyebrows. _I am definitely going to regret this_. Still, Eren followed them into the main room, which was dimly lit with black lights everywhere. His mouth hung slightly agape, and Historia nudged him and bit her lip. “Nice, huh?”

Eyes wide, he replied, “Uh, y-yeah. Where d-do you even s-start?” His eyes wandered from the flashing colored tile floors to the dark shadows standing and dancing on platforms above the bar. They didn’t have places like this where he had lived in Germany, not that he would have had the courage to go to one before today. 

A martini glass was shoved into his hand by Historia, who grinned. “With drinks, of course. I have friends here, so order as much as you want. Try not to get so hammered that you can’t order yourself a cab, though, just in case we leave early.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Eren took a sip of the mystery drink. It tasted like mango and vodka. “D-don’t worry, that w-won’t happen.” 

The blonde girl shrugged and wrapped her arm around Ymir’s waist, leaned her head into her girlfriend’s chest. “Makes no difference to me. We’re gonna go dance, but we’ll let you know when we leave, okay?”

“Uh….. y-yeah.” Eren took another couple sips of his drink as he watched them sway off into the intoxicated crowd. Sliding into a neon green-colored stool, he finished half of his drink. What was he even doing here? He should have just stayed home and tried to sleep. Still…. part of him knew that that wouldn’t have happened.

Despite every attempt on his part, Eren’s mind wandered back to his thoughts of earlier. Why did he feel so non-committal about the breakup with Jean? It was almost like he didn’t really even care.

Did he?

Something in the crowd caught his eye. A flash of golden hair. _Armin?_ Downing the rest of his glass, the brown-haired boy made his way through the group and tapped on the back of the person. When they turned around, however, it wasn’t him. Apologizing, he wandered over to the bar. A strange pang of disappointment stirred in his chest. Of course the other boy wouldn’t be here, not in this kind of place. But why did he feel so upset that he wasn’t?

Turning to the bartender, he ordered a couple more drinks. _I have to get my mind off of this._ Above him, shapes danced to a muddy rhythm. Two drinks turned to four and he couldn’t feel the clear beat of the music anymore. In the back of Eren’s mind, he could remember falling into the dance floor and spinning around the crowd. There had been some hot boy and then he was gone, then another. This continued until he made his way back to the bar and ordered another drink.

It was only after Ymir and Historia found him and told him that they were leaving that the bartender cut him off. Lights flashing under his eyelids, the brunet made his way over to a booth and slid in, letting his head fall onto the table. “ _V….verdammt…._ ” He whispered into the skin of his armpit and pulled his head up so that it fell back into the vinyl upholstery.

Someone slid into the booth in front of him, hands clasped. He tried to focus his eyes but it was too much work, so he just looked at the blurry outline of a man with black hair and a suit with a loose tie. “Listen, kid. You’re one of Historia’s friends, right?”

“U-um,” Eren tried to reply, but instead furrowed his eyebrows. _What?_ Of course he was one of Historia’s friends. Who was this guy and what was he trying to say? What? He tapped his fingers on the table restlessly. 

The man continued. “I’m gonna take that as a yes. I’m the owner of this place. Is there someone I can call to take you home? You shouldn’t be walking home or driving in that state, but I don’t want you lying around my club in a drunken daze.”

Finally managing to focus in his vision, Eren studied the figure of the man, who had an undercut and a perpetually pissed-off expression. The beat of the music seemed far away, and he slowly formed the words in his mouth to reply. “ _Vie…. v… vielliecht….._ ” He murmured and pressed his palm into the table. “A-Arlert. A… Armin. Him. _Ja._ ”

The dark-haired man raised an eyebrow but did not comment on the slurred German. Instead he stepped around the table and pulled Eren’s phone out of his back pocket. He tapped around the phone for a few seconds before pressing the phone to his ear and speaking in a low tone. 

“Hi, Armin. My name is Rivaille, I own the club on Queen’s Avenue.” He paused. “Yeah. I’m calling because I’ve got your friend here and he’s drunk off of his ass. If you can, I’m gonna need you to come get him.” Another pause, and Eren closed his eyes. He was so tired, but Armin might be coming. He needed to see Armin and tell him something right away. It was important. Rivaille continued. “Yeah, brown hair. Speaks German. Thanks a lot.” 

The black-haired boy slipped the phone back into Eren’s pocket and leaned against the table of the booth. “Your friend is coming. You had better thank him when you’re sober, German. He deserves it.” Moving away from the booth, he set down a packet of Ibuprofen on the table and walked away. Eyes fogging out once more, Eren set down his head on the table and fell asleep for a few minutes.

He woke up when the fresh air hit the skin of his face. There was an arm around his waist and his face was leaned into a light blue cardigan that smelled of peaches. _That’s… nice._

Pulling away, he collapsed onto the ground and looked up at the person who had been holding him. A grin made it’s way across his face. _Armin._ The other boy looked down at him and bit his lips before helping his companion up again. “You’re awake,” he murmured, dragging him closer to his car, which was parked on the street. Before they could get there, though, Eren stood up straight and stopped, grabbing onto his friend’s shoulders.

“Armin.” He stared into the other boy’s eyes very intensely before bursting into laughter. A disgusted look on his face, the blond pulled away and started stepping towards his car.

“You shouldn’t do these things, Eren. At least let me know if I need to go with you as a designated driver.” He reached towards the car door, but Eren’s hand whipped out and grabbed his bicep before he could continue. Moving closer, he patted the shorter boy’s head and let his head fall into the crook into his neck. Suddenly silent, Armin just stood there, shaking slightly as Eren breathed into his skin.

“Aaarmin. A-Armin.” He murmured into the blond’s shoulder, wrapped his arms around his chest and trying but failing to trace the shoulder blade with one finger. _He smells so good. So good. Sosososo good._

Shivering, Armin let his hands stay at his sides and quietly choked out, “Yes, Eren?”

The brown-haired boy nuzzled his nose into the material of his friend’s soft cardigan. “Armin, y-you’re….. _w-wirklich_ …. you’re… _wirchlich h-h… hübsch._ ”

Chest shaking, Armin started to lean towards the car handle slightly. “I don’t… I don’t know what that means, Eren.” _Oh. Oh, that’s it. That’s. That’s it._

Moving away slightly, Eren nodded his head at his friend. “I-I understand. Let me…… sh-show you. Alright?” Almost falling into the other boy, he threw his arms over his shoulders and leaned in. The blond boy’s hair tossed slightly in the wind as Eren kissed him, alcohol on his breath and darkness clouding his eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so listen up. I post chapters when I can. I know you guys want more chapters, but you're more likely to get me to post one through positive commentary then demanding. That just pisses me off. I'm trying to graduate High School, here. I've been busy. Give me a break.
> 
> Here, have your chapter. I hope you enjoy it. It's a big one.
> 
> Also, from now on I'll be updating every Saturday since it's the end of the year and Kil and I are both very busy. We don't have a lot of time to write chapters.

Once they had arrived back at Eren’s dormitory, Armin shook Eren awake with a quick flick of the wrist on his head. The intoxicated boy stirred, eyelids fluttering open and closed. Grimacing, Armin leaned across the center console and unbuckled Eren’s seatbelt, which slowly retreated back against the wall of the car.

Armin proceeded to get out of the car and walk to the other door, opening it slightly so Eren wouldn’t fall out. He shook him more harshly. The boy’s head lolled to the side as he looked around him, rubbing his eyes. “Are you awake enough?”Armin whispered in the dead of the night, shaking Eren once again.

His friend looked up at Armin with confusion, but then suddenly recognition flashed in his eyes. Eren immediately reached out for Armin’s hand, who retreated and gestured for him to get up. Eren attempted to get to his feet, but tripped and fell onto his knees instead. Armin scowled and reached down to help him up.

Grabbing him sharply by the arms and pulling him back to his feet, Armin kicked the car door shut and began the trek up the stairs. Beside him, Eren stumbled and fell into Armin’s torso, alcohol lingering over his scent. As they walked, Eren would continue to drift off, head drooping until the blonde pinched him on the cheek. Then the German’s head would snap up, and the whole process would repeat itself. 

As time passed, Armin found himself increasingly frustrated with Eren’s drunken state. He was already mad enough at him as it was. After all, Eren had had the nerve to kiss him. After the ridiculous dare to kiss Eren, Armin didn’t want to risk feeling that same buzz of electricity when Eren had no feelings for him. 

He shouldn’t be holding it against him. Eren was drunk and getting over a break up. Of course he was going to kiss the first guy he saw. It wasn’t really surprising. And yet Armin was still infuriated at the other boy, for reasons not even he knew. He wasn’t sure that he was mad that Eren had kissed him. After all, they had done it before on a dare. So why was he so upset? Was it the fact that Jean and Eren had broken up not even a day before? Whatever it was, Armin was unable to find out what it was. 

By the time they reached the door, Eren refused to detach himself from Armin. He pushed his head forward, back against Armin’s shoulder, who bit at his lip so hard he thought he might break the skin. “We’re here.” 

“Don’t…...w-wanna….leave y-you….” Eren slurred, his grip tightening around Armin’s hand. 

“You’re drunk.” Armin said sternly, opening the door with his other hand. He stepped forward into the monochrome room, Eren following suit. The boy guided Eren over to the couch and relinquished his hold on his waist, lowering him onto the small sofa. Eren refused to let go of Armin’s hand, head already falling to the side. In his half-asleep state, he looked incredibly ridiculous with his disheveled hair and drooped eyelids. 

“Jean…..” Eren murmured, and Armin felt his heart drop into his stomach. Of course he didn’t want Armin around, why would he? “Jean…..w-was right……” he continued, already traversing into a deep sleep. His hand fell to his side, and within a few moments, Eren was softly snoring. The other boy stood there for a few minutes, mind racing with thoughts. Cautiously, he reached out to touch Eren and ask him what that meant, but changed his mind and brought his open palm to his own forehead instead.

 _What the hell does that mean?_ Confused, Armin made his way back to the threshold and back into the cool night air. His fingers brushed unconsciously against his lips as he recalled the kiss, and frowned. He had enjoyed kissing Eren, that much was obvious, but...but the fact was that Eren was drunk and he was stuck on Jean. He was drunk and desperate for some love. It was just that simple.

And yet Armin just wanted to go back in and kiss Eren again and again, despite the fact that the brown-haired boy might not remember it in the morning.

But Armin left, closing the apartment door shut and walking down the stairs to his car. The drive back to the dormitory seemed much longer than usual, as Armin continued to space out. The road went by in a slow blur, unable to sort out his own feelings. Soon enough, he was walking back down the hallway in a dreamlike state. He leaned against the door to the dormitory and remained there, bangs falling over his face. The hallway was stuffy and hot, and Armin felt clammy by the time he turned the door open.

With heavy footsteps, Armin walked to his bed and stood by it. _Why...did that have to happen? Why did Eren have to call me and not Annie? Why did he have to kiss me?_ He slipped off his shoes and scowled, tightly gripping the cold metal of the bedrest. It was unfair to him, and it was unfair to Jean. True, Eren had been incredibly intoxicated...but...it didn’t change the fact that it hurt. 

Eren’s emotions were fake. It was the alcohol speaking. Not Eren. His grip grew tighter until his knuckles turned a pasty white, and Armin suddenly breathed out, finding he had been holding his breath. Gingerly, he uncurled his fingers and pushed his bangs back.

He slipped under the covers, but they seemed too tight and too hot. Armin threw the sheets to the side and buried his head into his pillow, sprawling out on the mattress. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get comfortable, tossing and turning until he was certain one hour had gone by, maybe even two.

The night turned claustrophobic until the door to Jean’s room opened. A shuffle of footsteps decorated the quiet room, followed by the creak of the refrigerator being pulled open. Armin rolled onto his side and blinked in the light of the open fridge, where Jean stood. “Hi.” He said drowsily.

Jean turned around with some remaining chicken in a box, standing up a little more. “Hey yourself,” he replied in a surprisingly light-hearted voice. “I heard you leave earlier. Where’d you go?”

Armin rolled onto his back and shoved his bangs out of his face, staring at the ceiling. Smiling dryly, he adjusted himself on the covers. “Eren went to a gay bar and got a little too drunk.”

Jean burst out laughing, darting over to the side of the bed and hopping onto it. “Dude, seriously? Oh my God,” he exclaimed, falling over top Armin’s legs, propping his head in his hands. His expression grew more concerned as he continued to speak. “He okay?”

Armin put himself on his knees and raised an eyebrow. “He was seriously drunk, but yeah. Some guy called me up and I went out to pick him up and take him home.”

Kicking his legs behind him, Jean pursed his lips slightly. “Kinda surprised he’s that broken up about this whole thing.”

Suddenly, Armin recalled Eren’s statement from earlier about Jean being right. He thought over the possible consequences of asking Jean what he had meant and breathed out in the quiet room. “Hey, Jean.” The other boy raised his head in acknowledgement, not looking at Armin. Swallowing the lump in his throat and ignoring the foreboding feeling, Armin started to talk.. “Eren….said something about you being right. What does that mean?”

Jean rolled onto his back, obviously perplexed. He tilted his head to the side. “I need some more context, Armin.”

“Erm….he kissed me. It didn’t mean anything. He was pretty drunk, like I mentioned.” Armin muttered, trying to word everything in a way that wouldn’t offend his friend.

Tension erupted between the two. Jean stared at the sheet, muscles tensing up slightly. Suddenly, his body relaxed and he grinned, staring at some unseen spot on the comforter.. “Heh. I told him he was dating the wrong guy.” Armin involuntarily clenched the fabric of his t-shirt, unable to reply. 

Jean slowly peeled himself off of Armin and shoved himself away, still smiling, albeit sadly. He paused in front of the door, hand pressed into the doorframe. His silhouette was slightly lit by the blue light from his computer, giving Jean a slightly eerie appearance. He lowered his head and began to close the door behind him. “I’m going back into my room. Give Eren a chance, huh?” Jean inquired, already disappearing behind the door to his room.

Armin felt his anger subside, only to be replaced with guilt as the light diminished in the now-empty room.  
\------------------  
When Eren woke up the next day at around two in the afternoon, he had a splitting headache. It was to be expected, of course, but he couldn’t help regretting it…. among other things. His memory was hazy, but he could remember what had happened with Armin pretty well, and it made him feel more embarrassed than he could possibly explain with words.

As he stood in the kitchen making some soup for himself, he shielded his eyes with one free arm. Light hurt to look at and it only made his headache worse. Still, as much as he would like to, he knew that he couldn’t just lie around all day and feel sorry for himself. He had messed up last night and even if it might have been better to wait and let things develop with time, his drunk stupidity had made that impossible.

So he had figured out some small portion of a plan. As soon as he finished his soup, he picked up his phone from the table and deftly opened the lock screen. The screen had gotten shattered the previous night, something that he had discovered when he woke up with great dismay. Placing a hand over his eyes and squinting, he pressed call and put the phone to his ear. A female voice answered.

“Hey, A-Annie. Yeah, I-I need t-to ask you for a f-favor.” Biting his lip he tapped his fingers on the table. “Uh, y-yeah. So, um, J-Jean and I broke u-up?” A pause. “Yeah, y-yeah I know. Th-the point i-is, I realized wh-what I was missing…. a-and then got s-super drunk.” 

Grimacing, Eren listened as Annie responded, and then continued. “U-ugh, I know. I j-just-” More silence. “Oh m-my _god_ , w-would you let me s-speak? Okay. I j-just need you t-to invite Jean somewhere t-tonight, alright?” Her voice came loudly through the phone and he held it slightly away from his ear. “ _Igitt, ich w-weiß_. Thanks, I’ll m-make it up to you. _Lebewohl_.”

Hanging up, he set down his phone on the table and stared at it for a moment, trying to ignore the pain in his head. This was….. a really stupid idea. Still, he didn’t like the idea of just leaving things the way they were. Running his tongue over cracked lips, he stood up and tossed some bread into the toaster, unwilling to take the time to make anything better. 

There had been times when he had messed up with Armin. Lots of times. In fact, most of his relationship with the blond boy had been a huge mess-up on his part. This time, he was determined to make things right. At this point, he knew his friend well enough to know that what had happened the previous night had really upset him and he was probably angry. _He has a gottverdammt right to be_ , Eren thought to himself, buttering the browned toast.

Once he was done eating, he threw on a thin plaid shirt over his tank top and hopped out the door with his keys, phone and wallet. Small clouds dotted the sky as he tapped onto the warm pavement in his flip flops, establishing a walking rhythm. It was still a few hours before he wanted to be at Armin’s. Hopefully, Jean would be gone by then.

The brunet liked his ex, he did. But this was something that he had to do without interruption and without any more mess-ups. No more disasters. No more screaming. No more locked doors or drunken whispers or kisses in a game of truth or dare. No more scars on arms only just beginning to fade.

When he entered the flower shop, which was called “Nanablossoms,” the scent hit him like a fist in the chest. It was strong, but kind of comforting nonetheless. All around him, a multitude of brightly-colored foliage decorated the room. As he gawked, not having been into a store like this in the United States before, a small voice called out from the back of the shop.

“How can I help you?” Looking up, the brunet observed a well-built woman with short blonde hair, a T-shirt and khakis.

Scratching the back of his neck, he replied. “Uh… y-yeah. I need t-to get some flowers f-for, uh,” he weighed the options of what to say, eventually deciding to just be honest, “For th-the boy that I-I like.”

The woman raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment, gently nodding and turning towards a glass case in the back. Her face turned away from Eren, she continued to speak. “What about some tulips? Roses might be a little much, right?” 

“M-maybe,” he muttered and the store owner continued, reaching into the case to grab some white and red tulips. 

“Well,” she turned to Eren, “It sounds like you want to make something up to him, right? But he doesn’t know you would like to be with him. Do you want him to know that you feel that way?”

Without a thought, the brunet answered, “Yes.”

Smiling slightly, she wrapped up the flowers in a decorative bouquet of tissue paper. “Alright. Well, the white flowers represent a need for forgiveness and the red will let him know how you feel. With some help, of course. Use your words. Flowers will help, but they can’t do the job for you.”

A blush creeping across his face, the German smiled gently and took the flowers. “Th-thanks a lot. How much d-do I need to pay you?”

Chuckling a little, she grinned back. “No problem. Ten dollars, if you please.”

Eren fished the cash out of his back pocket with one hand and gave it to her, trying to keep the bouquet from falling onto the ground. Once she had given him back his change, he thanked her again and exited the flower shop.

Ducking his head down into the bouquet, he couldn’t help but smile a little to himself. They smelled nice. At this point…. he sighed. All he could do was hope that it would work out.

There was only one more step. Juggling the bouquet in one arm, he reached into the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small, slightly-crumpled piece of paper. Deciding that he would rather not risk dropping the flowers, he stepped over to a bench and sat down, unfolding the paper. The words he had written that morning were still intact. He hoped that it would be enough.

A sigh passing through his parted lips, he balanced the bouquet back in the crook of his arm and gently placed the paper inside one of the tissue paper folds. He felt his legs tremble slightly as he stood up and started to walk down the street, towards the 500 and 600 dorms. 

_No,_ he forced his legs to stay on course, _you can do this. You have to._

And he did. He kept walking until he reached the dorms, passing through campus and the bench where Armin had first grabbed his hand. A soft breeze moved through the air as he trotted down the sidewalk, ruffling his hair slightly. He swung his hands out a little bit, careful not to drop the bouquet. A smile crossed onto his face, even as he felt nerves building up a wall in his consciousness. 

He could do it. Gathering his courage, he tapped towards the dorm and opened the door, slipping inside. It was quiet on a Saturday afternoon, with most students out and about. Biting his lip just a little, he stared at the ground and hopped up the stairs.

Someone bumped into him at the top of his stairs, sending his arm flying and the flowers into the carpet. “Hey, _aufpassen!_ ” The brunet exclaimed, unconsciously switching to German in the confusion. However, the figure just kept jogging down the stairs and out the door before he could take a good look at them.

 _Whatever, ugh_. Standing up, he dusted himself off and grabbed the bouquet off of the ground. Shaking his head in annoyance, he tried to straighten out the flowers, to no avail. They were pretty mangled and were starting to droop. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. _It will be okay. He… he probably won’t mind._

Staring down the hallway, he started to walk once more. One step, five steps, ten steps and then he was there, standing in front of dorm number 692. He held his hand in a fist in front of the door, hesitating before gently rapping.

A few seconds later, Armin opened the door. Biting his lip a little, Eren stared down at him and there was a small silence before the other boy spoke. “Uh, hi, Eren. Do you want to come in? I’m-”

Interrupting him, he whipped out the small crumpled paper from the tissue paper and unfolded it over the flowers. Sweat beads started to form on the back of his neck and his right leg was shaking so badly now that he couldn’t stop it, still he looked down at the messily-scrawled poetry and started to read.

“Th-there’s not a lot you c-can s-say  
to the s-sun in th-the sky  
wh-when he’s s-s-so far away.  
I a-am not t-tall enough to reach th-there  
and s-say the words that I-I would like-” He paused, taking a shaky breath. His chest felt tight as he continued.

“-th-that I would like t-to s-say. But  
wh-when, in the hazy c-clouds created b-by stupid decisions,  
I s-say something t-to the sun, i-it might be….. it might b-be t-true.” Coughing a little, he felt his arms shuddering and gripped the paper tighter, his knuckles turning white.

“I d-do not know th-the language of th-this dream, a-and  
I-I do not know th-the way the sun s-speaks, b-because, uh,  
b-because I am f-from the moon.”

“B-but I do know th-that _wirklich h-h-hübsch_ means th-the same  
on th-the sun and th-the moon. And  
I know th-that it i-is still true to m-me on a clear d-day, o-or  
a c-cloudy day, o-or a day w-with rain, or a-a day w-with--” Eren’s breath seized and he couldn’t bear to look up at the blonde boy, who started to speak.

“Eren, I-”

“I’m n-not finished.” He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the flowers, which were now falling all over the place and drooping. 

“R-really pretty. The s-sun is really p-pretty, _w-w-wirklich hübsch_. And-” He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them, letting his paper fall onto the ground and grabbing Armin’s shoulder gently and trying to avoid eye contact.

“A-and you are. _Oh m-mein **gott**_ , y-you are.” His bottom lip trembling more than he could ever remember it trembling before, he shoved the flowers forward and let go of his friend’s arm. As a petal fell to the ground, it landed on his discarded piece of paper.

And then there was a moment of painstaking silence. Eren took a deep breath.

A warm hand worked its way into his. Forcing himself to look up, he made eye contact with the blonde boy, who had a gentle smile on his face. Something warm stirred in the German’s chest and he moved a little closer, holding the bouquet over Armin’s opposite shoulder.

“So…. I-I’m sorry?” He murmured, making an apologetic look and grinning a little, still shaking. Immediately, the other boy squeezed his hand harder and laughed. The sound was like a small bell, sending shivers down the back of Eren’s spine. Looking down at the ground and shifting his feet, Armin murmured something in German that Eren just barely made out.

“ _Du bist zu nett zu mir_ , Eren.”

He let out the breath that he had been holding in and looked down at the other boy in admiration. “Did y-you…?” The brunet started to speak, but Armin cut him off by moving forward and wrapping one free arm around Eren’s neck, pressing his forehead to the other boy’s chest. 

“Yes,” he murmured, the fingers of his hand gently brushing up against the back of Eren’s shirt. Turning shaking, nervous eyes up to his taller friend, the blond stood up taller. “I don’t know what to-”

Eren cut him off, freeing his hand from Armin’s and pulling away one of the tulips. Slowly, he slipped it behind the other boy’s ear and smiled down at him. The shaky sensation from earlier was almost gone, he noticed in the back of his mind. In the dim hallway, Armin bit his lip and turned his head to the side.

“A-Armin.” With one hand, Eren lifted his chin to look at him. “You….” He paused, then laughed a little bit. _I’m going to cry. I’m going to cry right here and now in this very hallway_. “You’re s-so perfect.”

A small exhale was quickly released from the blond’s throat. His mouth was left slightly agape. With one hand, he gently reached up and touched the flower that Eren had put behind his ear almost incredulously. In what seemed like slow motion, he looked up at the brunet, sky-blue eyes locking with green.

Slowly, carefully, his eyes still wide open, Armin stepped out of the doorway of his dorm and onto the patchwork carpeting. Letting the side of his thin sweater fall off of one shoulder, he stood up, pressing one hand to Eren’s still-shaking chest. Down the hall, a lightbulb flickered and went out. Armin stood on tiptoes covered by socks, fingers fidgeting slightly against the soft cloth of the other boy’s shirt like a moth around a flame.

When they kissed for the third time, it was different than the others--nervous, shaking, gentle and one hundred percent genuine. With both arms wrapped around the shorter boy’s waist, Eren stopped being oblivious, or a fool. He could swear he could hear the other boy’s heartbeat, or his own, or maybe even both.

The tulips slipped out out the German boy’s grasp, petals tumbling to the floor in a cascade of crimson and pearl, but neither of them noticed or cared.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I got distracted by cosplay stuff yesterday and forgot to update. Thanks for being patient with me! I also have a con this upcoming weekend so if I don't have the time to update on Saturday, wait for an update on Sunday night.

A few days had passed by in a blur. Jean and Eren had already befriended one another by this point, with no sign of bitterness between them. Armin was still uncomfortable with telling Jean that he and Eren were a couple, though, and so they refrained from spending too much alone time.

Armin tried hard to include Jean as best as he could. After all, he had been the third wheel to begin with, and he had known how much it hurt. So most of the time was spent in the dormitory room.

Mario Kart once again consumed their life, complete with Jean and Eren hurling expletives back and forth at one another. If the group wasn’t playing Mario Kart, then they were hanging out with the Titan crew...well, and Historia and Ymir. 

Armin had never been happier.

In front of him, Eren scowled at a textbook and slammed his fist on one of the pages, crumpling it slightly. “I d-don’t get it! _V-verdammt Lehrbuch_ …” He hissed, putting his head in one of his hands.

Armin leaned across the countertop and pointed to a block of text with the tip of his pencil. He drew out a line, connecting two ideas together with a drawn arrow. Before he could explain what it meant, Eren closed the textbook with a grumble and walked around the table and to the blonde, leaning forward. Their foreheads rested against one another. “I don’t f-feel l-like studying.” Eren lamented.

Scoffing, Armin kissed Eren and jabbed him in the chest with a finger. “Exams are around the corner.” He paused, then continued, “How’s swimming going?”

Again Eren scowled. “Apparently m-my breaststroke s-still isn’t good enough. Could we w-watch a m-m-movie or something?”

The boy got to his feet and closed his own textbook, taking Eren by the hand and leading him to the couch. Once they sat down, Armin allowed himself to fall against Eren’s chest, snuggling up close. Eren hit a button on the remote to open Netflix. “Hey, Eren.” Eren wrapped his arms around Armin’s torso, pulling him in closer. 

“What?” He asked, lowering his head to Armin’s shoulder. The blonde relaxed against his boyfriend, still finding it hard to believe that Eren was dating him. It was….amazing to say the least.

“You ought to consider doing that poetry thing at Hange’s coffee shop.” Behind him, Armin felt Eren slightly tense up.

“You think?” He asked softly, obviously unsure how else to respond.

“Definitely.” Armin reaffirmed. “You’d be great.”

Eren laughed uncomfortably and leaned back against the arm of the cobalt couch. “E-even without m-my speech impediment...I d-don’t t-think I could.”

“That doesn’t matter!” The blonde detached himself from Eren’s arms and swung his feet over the edge of the sofa. “Plus Hange seemed pretty excited to have someone even remotely interested in the idea.”

Still, Eren gnawed at his lip. “I d-don’t know.”

Armin smiled and patted his boyfriend on the arm reassuringly. “Jus’ think about it.” With that, Eren raised his gaze from the floor and smiled back, making Armin’s heart soar. “What movie do you want to watch?”

Eren resumed flicking through various movie titles and muttering the summaries of each one to himself. Armin saw a title he recognized and furrowed his brow slightly, pointing at the TV screen. “What about that one? I know Jean rambled on and on about how good it was,” Armin commented.

Eren scrolled down and over to Death Note, which seemed to be surprisingly popular. “Anime?” He asked, seeming slightly confused. 

“Japanese cartoons,” Armin said helpfully, adjusting himself on the tired couch. 

“O-oh,” Eren replied dumbly, opening the summary for Death Note and reading it. “A k-killer notebook? Sounds k-kind o-of lame.”

“Come on. If we give it a shot, Jean will shut up about it. He held me hostage until I finally agreed to watch all three Evangelion movies with him,” Armin explained tiredly, rubbing his forehead. He paused, then sheepishly admitted, “They were really good.”

Eren’s smile only grew as he chuckled and hit play on the first episode. “I h-hope this d-doesn’t disappoint, then.”

“I suppose we’ll find out!” Armin responded, a little too cheerily. Nonetheless, Eren wrapped his brown arms around Armin’s torso, pulling the blonde boy towards him. Armin nestled his head against Eren’s neck.

 _This is the good life_ , Armin thought to himself as he tilted his head towards Eren slightly, who in turn planted a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. 

They ended up having to watch the first episode of Death Note twice in order to understand what had actually happened.  
\------------------------------------

When the smaller boy leaned into his shoulder with a yawn, Eren’s fingers found their way to his hair. In the fading light, it glowed softly like molten gold. _That’s sappy, Jaeger,_ he told himself, but it was true. Still, he wasn’t complaining when Armin gently yawned into his neck, eyes fluttering closed.

“I’m glad,” the blond boy whispered, corners of his mouth tilting up into a smile, “That it’s like this.”

“Th-that’s what’s like wh-what?” He answered, tilting his head down to look at Armin’s closed eyelids. “I don’t u-understand.”

His boyfriend laughed, leaning farther into the couch and curling into the crook of Eren’s neck. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just glad I’m not alone. Not that I was before, really, but-”

“I understand.” Lowering his eyelids to slits, he glanced out the window and into the evening sunlight. Somewhere far off, a car horn sounded. Wiggling underneath him, Armin yawned and opened his eyes. He tilted his head upward, angling tired orbs toward’s Eren’s with a worried glance.

Before he could say anything, though, Eren closed his eyes and smiled, running thin fingers through the other boy’s hair. “Y-you were never alone. I h-hope you know th-that. I’m just a-an idiot.”

Armin shifted uncomfortably on top of him. “Eren, you-”

Tilting downwards, he silenced the other boy with a kiss and turned him around so that they were more horizontal on the couch. “I w-want to cuddle. _Komme sch-schon_.” Biting his own lip, he wrapped long arms around Armin’s torso and pulled him closer. With a laugh, the shorter boy curled into his boyfriend’s frame, golden hair tossing around his face.

For a few minutes, they just stayed in silence as golden light tinted the room and left intricate shadows across the ceiling. Curling his fingers gently, he touched against the skin of the skin of Armin’s forehead, making him shiver slightly and breath in sharply. “Mm, s-sorry.”

A slight chuckle escaping his mouth, the blond let his right arm fall over the edge of the bed and dangle, fingers brushing the floor. “It’s fine, I was just- You surprised me, I guess. It’s nice, you don’t have to stop.”

Eren smiled slightly, twirling Armin’s bangs around one finger and then sighing into the soft skin of his shoulder. Keeping his mouth over the crook of the other boy’s neck, he found himself softly whispering words he knew Armin might not be able to accurately hear. 

“ _Ich d-denke dein, wenn m-mir der s-sonne sch-schimmer vom Meere strahlt_ ….” Pausing, he bit his lip and breathed slightly hot air over the other boy’s hairline. Shifting slightly, Armin took a deep breath as if about to speak. Deep in though, however, Eren cut him short.“ _I-ich denke d-dein, wenn s-sich d-des mondes flimmer in q-quellen malt._ ”

Flipping over, the blond looked directly into Eren’s eyes and he found himself suddenly confronted with large, sky-blue irises. Not like the sky in Shiganshina--more like the sky back home, a sky above grass-covered fields and cobbled streets. “Did you write that, Eren?”

Coughing slightly, he laughed and grasped the other boy’s hand. “A-aha. I wish. It’s b-by J.W. G-Goethe. He’s o-one of my f-favorite poets…” Trailing off, he tilted his head to the side. Suddenly, though, Armin’s hand was on his chin and the blond smiled at him gently before leaning in for a soft kiss. 

Armin’s lips were very different than Jean’s, Eren knew. Jean was a good kisser--slightly dry lips, cracked and.. strong, maybe? _No, that’s not the word. Forceful? Intense?_

The blond in front of him, however, was a whole different ballgame. Inexperienced, yes, but… Eren’s patient. Everyone started out this way, and he wasn’t all that far into the dating scene either, if he actually admitted it to himself. So when Armin kissed him with soft, smooth lips and a lack of tact typical of a beginner, it was refreshing.

Out of nowhere, Armin pulled back. Confused, the brunet sat up and looked down at his boyfriend. “Wh-what’s going on?”

“Do you have the time?” the other boy blurted out, seemingly in a panic. At Eren’s confusion, he continued. “Ugh, I forgot that my Lit class was rescheduled for today at 5:15.”

Flipping out his phone, Eren crinkled his eyebrows. “Well, i-it’s a-almost five. You sh-should go.” With a slight sigh, he tried not to let the disappointment he felt show on his face. Apparently, as evidenced by Armin’s guilty expression, he wasn’t very successful.

“God, I’m sorry.” The blond stood up, retrieving his jacket from the back of the couch. “I can come over again after class, okay? I’ll help you make dinner or something.”

Waving away the apology, he smiled slight and tossed the dark hair out of his face. “S’no issue. G-go to class, I’ll s-see you in a f-few hours. I m-might be sw-swimming, but you c-can let yourself i-in if I-I’m not here.”

With a grin and a nod, Armin pecked him on the cheek and hurried out the door in the fading sunlight, leaving Eren with messy hair and a weird hollow feeling that made him lie down on the couch, facing the city. _He’s amazing,_ Eren thought, relaxing into an sleeping posture.

Before he could doze off, however, he forced himself up. _Swimming, Eren. You still need to practice. Just go swim off the emotion and forget about it. No problem._

Heaving himself off the couch, he trotted over to the kitchen and grabbed an energy bar from the cupboard. He hadn’t eaten dinner yet, but it wasn’t good to eat before swimming so he’d just shove this down and wait until Armin came over for something more. Moving quickly so as not to allow himself time to change his mind and just flop around for the few hours until Armin came back. He grabbed his keys, feeling the cold texture against his palm for a moment, and then brushed out the front door.

It was a cloudy day with a chance of rain, or so said the radio in the main lobby as he exited the apartment complex. And it was right-the sky was grey and blooming with cumulus clouds or whatever they were. He wasn’t a science major, he wasn’t under strict obligation to know even though he probably should. In fact, he wasn’t any major at all, just a floater with a focus on swimming and a side glance at schoolwork. If he didn’t have swimming or couldn’t swim, he probably wouldn’t even be able to be here at all. So, in a way, that was his major.

Shaking away the thoughts, Eren shifted the strap of his swimming back on his shoulder and stepped across the road to the campus pool, a well-trodden path.

Groaning, he swung open the door and headed to the changing rooms. _I hope Shadis isn’t here, today. I don’t want to deal with that **scheisse**._ Tossing off his shirt and boxers, he threw on his suit and swim cap. Outside, voices could be heard. Of course, this late in the day there would be regular college students. He didn’t really mind-the casual atmosphere was nice.

The German tapped out of the locker rooms with his towel and threw it on a chair before heading for one of the open lanes. As far as he could see, no Shadis. _Good_. Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to focus. _Swimming, Eren. Armin is later. Swimming. This is the reason you’re in the states, kiddo, not a boyfriend._

He dived in. Butterfly stroke. Not his best stroke, not his worst, and it couldn’t harm him to improve his time. Besides, he didn’t want to deal with breaststroke right now. Feeling the water against the few parts of non-covered skin on his body, he relaxed immediately. This was what he loved, no matter how much people pressured him. _This_ was what he was good at.

After swimming around twenty laps, he clambered out of the pool and took a sip out of his water bottle. Around him, college students were loitering, and there was a swimming class for kids at the other end of the pool. With a smile, he remembered his first days of swimming, when he was around eight years old. His parents hadn’t been sure they could afford it but oh, he begged. So, they let him, and now he was here, in the states, on swimming scholarship. 

Smiling, he decided that was enough for the short time period he had and stepped back over to the changing room. After rinsing off quickly in the showers, he threw on his clothing and grabbed his bag. _I’ll shower back at the apartment._ These showers spat out hard water--it was annoying. His one back home was much better. 

Before leaving, though, he noticed a flyer on the bulletin board.

_Help Wanted: Swimming Instructor  
$15 an hour, students welcome to apply. _

Smiling slightly, he grabbed one of the tabs from the bottom of the paper and shoved it into his back pocket. It might be a good idea, to pad his income and all. He’d like to be able to buy Armin stuff. What stuff, of course, he didn’t know. _Maybe_. He swung open the door. _Maybe…_ Shoving his hands into his pockets with the bag tossed over his shoulder, he trotted the mile or so back to his apartment. 

When he got there, he noticed with a faint smile that Armin’s car was in the driveway. The door was unlocked when he got there, and he let himself in to the smell of hot chocolate. Popping his head out of the kitchen, Armin held out a mug. “Want some? I was feeling cold, so I just-”

Eren dropped his bag and stepped forward to peck him on the lips. “Th-thanks, Armin. I g-gotta sh-shower, though…” Scratching the side of his head, he started to lean towards the bathroom before the shorter boy shoved a mug into his hands and dragged him into the kitchen and the chairs and table there. 

“Later, Eren. Relax.”

“B-but I smell like ch-chlorine-”

“Whatever. Drink up, nerd.” Armin grinned and took a sip of his own hot chocolate. “Class was boring. How was swimming?”

Raising an eyebrow as he remembered, Eren dug the tiny slip of paper out of his back pocket. “Th-the pool is hiring a s-swim i-i-instructor and I was thinking I might t-try for the job.” 

Armin grinned from ear to ear. “Eren, that’s an amazing idea!” He leaned forward on the tablet after taking a sip and stared at the other boy. “Oh man, please tell me you’ll do it. It would be so good for you and working with kids is so fun.”

Smiling slightly at the corner of his mouth, Eren looked down into his cup. “Y-yeah, it is….”  
He slowly stood up from his chair, angling towards the shower. “I’ll think about it, ok? See you in a few minutes.”

As he clambered into the shower, feeling the warm water wash over him, he felt content.


	19. Explanation

Hey, guys. Ven, here, the one who writes Eren. I will be 100% clear with you. Kil and I lost our inspiration to write this fanfiction and will not be finishing it. However, there are around 2 or 3 more chapters that we wrote but never published. The reason I haven't been updating is that the chapters are upsetting and end on a major cliffhanger. If you want to have the fanfiction end on a happy note, I will leave you here. However, if I receive five comments telling me to upload the last two chapters, I will. On a chapter after those two chapters, if they are chosen to be posted, I will reveal the plot of the rest of the fanfiction that we planned out, so you know it ends happily. 

Thanks for reading our fanfiction and leaving such supportive messages! Sorry we couldn't finish it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, I am uploading the last two chapters. Not all at one, though-the last written chapter and the summary of the rest of the fic will come in a few days. Hope you can deal with the cliffhanger til then, and thank you all for your kind words.

Armin watched Eren disappear into the bathroom, the door slowly closing shut behind him. He smiled and laced his fingers around the cup, pulling it to his lips and taking a sip. The aroma of hot cocoa wafted through the air, nostalgia threatening to pull Armin back to the times when he was a little boy, demanding to have more marshmallows thrown into the mix.

He lowered the drink and tilted his head to the side to crack his neck, which it did with a slow groan. His neck had been cramping up recently. Armin assumed it was because of how well he had been sleeping lately. Perhaps because he hadn’t been used to sleeping so well, his neck was locking up on him. Groaning inwardly, he worked his fingers at his sore neck and tried to remove the knot in his muscle. 

As time passed, boredom crept its way into Armin’s subconscious. Glancing across the room, Armin placed his head in his hands and tried to think of something to kill time while Eren showered. A movie sounded nice right now. Sure, Eren would most likely be done showering by the time he got 15 minutes in, but Armin had nothing better to do and assumed Eren might want to join him anyways.

He took another drink of his hot cocoa and carried the cup with him over to the couch, placing his drink on a rectangular coaster. He flopped over onto the couch, which creaked slightly under his weight. A yawn threatened to escape Armin’s lips. but he held it back. The blonde leaned forward and pressed a button on the small remote control, which flipped on the television. He found his way to Netflix and opened the application.

While he browsed through the movie titles, the blonde contented himself with listening to the steady rush of water coming from the bathroom. He finally found a movie that seemed interesting enough and hit play. The loading screen popped up almost instantly. The same black screen with the same white bar.

The movie was called _Birdman_. The summary had made it seem interesting enough -- a washed up actor who tried to make a comeback on Broadway but can’t escape his past. But….the opening scene was strange to say the least. Eccentric, perhaps? Armin thought maybe he had made a bad movie decision, but elected to stick with it and see how it panned out. It was supposedly pretty good; Bertholdt had been raving about it the past few days, which was a feat so rare Armin wasn’t sure if he was even the same person. It took a lot for Bertholdt to get attached to...well…anything, really.

As the movie continued to roll on, Armin became more and more entranced with the film until he heard the door to the bathroom open. Immediately he fumbled for the remote and sloppily hit pause, turning around to see Eren, wet towel flung over his hair. He had a sleepy sort of grin on his face. The brown-haired boy leaned over and scratched at one of his legs, pressing his weight against the doorframe.

“What’re you w-watching?” Eren asked, walking over to the couch and pressing his elbows against the cushions. Armin glanced at the screen, but found himself fixated on Eren once again. He took everything he could about his boyfriend in. The gauges in his ears, his tanned skin, his aquamarine coloured eyes...everything. But something seemed different.

Upon further inspection, Armin came to the conclusion that it was Eren’s hair. The combination of the evening light and Eren’s wet hair made it appear to be tinged with red. It added a bit more character to him. Armin resolved to keep a mental note that if Eren ever decided to dye his hair, he would insist for Eren to dye it dark red.

“O-oi,” Eren broke in, interrupting Armin’s thoughts. “W-what movie are you w-watching? E-earth to Armin!” 

“Some new movie. It’s called _Birdman._ ” Armin took a minute to quickly explain the plot and the summary, reaching for his cup of hot cocoa and taking a gulp of the warm liquid. Heat blossomed inside of him. 

“G-gotcha,” Eren replied, slumping beside Armin. He pressed his head into Armin’s slight shoulder, his breath light against Armin’s skin. As if it responded immediately to Eren’s touch, Armin’s heart skipped a few beats, the color flushing in his face.

Armin paused and licked his dry lips, beginning to speak. “Do you wanna watch it with me?”

Eren raised his head as if he seemed surprised by the question, his eyebrows peaked in sharp arches. But he nodded, the same, drowsy smile dancing over his lips. It’s enchanting, Armin thought, like something out of a fairy tale. He pressed his head back against the blonde boy’s collar bone, taking a deep breath. 

Armin hit play on the remote and the oddity that was the film resumed. He found it hard to focus on the movie though, because Eren kept shifting beside him, and changing his position. The slight tremble in the cushions whenever Eren moved was incessant and Armin found himself more and more irritated.

As the sun’s glare disappeared from the television screen, so did Armin’s patience. He was about to ask Eren to stop moving when the other boy suddenly reached for the remote and hit pause. Then Armin felt Eren’s lips collide with his.

Surprised, Armin recoiled, placing his hands on Eren’s shoulders as he did so. His eyes widened. Immediately Eren looked guilty and murmured an apology, withdrawing from Armin. “No, don’t apologize,” Armin quickly recanted. “You just surprised me.”

“Oh,” Eren breathed out, slumping on top of Armin. His head came to rest over top Armin’s chest. Unsettlement danced through Armin’s mind, though he couldn’t place why. He ignored the feeling and began to play with strands of Eren’s hair, humming a soft tune as he did so.

Eren sighed and worked his way up, pressing another, more tender kiss against Armin’s lips. Then he began to move down, planting one to his neck, and then another, and then one to his collarbone. Fear shot through Armin’s body, though he wasn’t sure what to do. So he laid there. _Do I tell him to stop? It’s nice, but….I…._

Eren began to tug Armin’s shirt off of him, but Armin’s body moved without him thinking. He quickly pushed Eren’s hand away and tugged his shirt back over his body. He shook his head tersely, pressing his hand to his mouth. “I….sorry….I’m just….”

Immediately Eren removed his hands and apologetically looked down at Armin, pulling him up. “Man, I’m s-so s-sorry. Don’t a-apologize, i-i-it’s not your fault. I don’t w-wanna rush t-things.”

 _Intimacy is terrifying_ was the lesson Armin learned that day. He loved Eren, he truly truly did. But that type of intimacy…..he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it or if he even wanted it.

“Thank you for understanding,” Armin said, then leaned in and, placing his hands against the German’s baggy and slightly dirty sweatpants, kissed him gently. “I’m just not ready,” he whispered against Eren’s dry, cracked lips. Eren pulled back and tucked a piece of blonde hair behind Armin’s hair. His too-large smile broke out on his face, and like earlier, Armin’s heart shuddered.

He then tugged Armin close to him and hugged him gently, arms tenderly squeezing love into Armin’s body. He pressed his head against Armin’s ivory-toned forehead, murmuring, “I can w-wait as long as you need, o-okay?”

A slight pang of guilt ached inside Armin’s stomach, though he couldn’t understand why he felt so awful. He glanced at the paused movie screen, then turned back to Eren and smiled. One of his fingers slowly traced a pattern over Eren’s forearm, as if that would somehow remove the strain between the two boys. Then Armin leaned into Eren’s torso and muttered something not even he could understand, as if to apologize despite Eren’s protesting that it was perfectly fine. Tension stung the room like a knife trying to cut through fog.

A moment of lethargic silence imposed itself on the already stuffy apartment. Eren coughed once, turning his head to the side ever so slightly. Armin felt as if he would have to live with a new sort of stigma, and opened his mouth to apologize again. But Eren waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss the words he knew were coming, his smile coming back to his face. Deep inside, Armin felt as if it had been forced, but he said nothing and interlaced his fingers with Eren’s.

Eren reached out for the remote with his free hand and plucked it from the other side of the couch, hitting play on the old control. The movie resumed, and as the main character fought to earn his spot on Broadway and escape his past, the tension slowly faded from the room. Night became the same serene quiet Armin had grown so accustomed to.

By the time the movie had ended, Armin couldn’t even remember why he had been scared in the first place.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
That night, as Eren laid in bed and tugged as his own hair as if in a fever, he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened earlier. Was this a relationship problem? Had he already fucked this one up right after starting it, oh god, had he- shit, he was overthinking this. 

But still… what had happened with Armin was real. He didn’t think he had necessarily taken it too fast, given their age and the fact that they’d been pseudo-dating for longer than they’d admit (due to Eren’s monstrous stupidity), but he should have taken into account Armin’s inexperience. To be quite honest, Eren hadn’t really thought about it or made the connection. Armin likely hadn’t even officially dated someone before. Had he even kissed someone? Well, yeah, probably, but.. _damn, I might have been his first._

He felt sweat gathering on the back of his neck. Of course, Armin was back at his dorm. Sometimes he stayed the night at Eren’s place, but after today’s events it wasn’t a surprise that he had gone home. And quickly, too--as soon as the movie was over, he had practically leaped out Eren’s goddamn window and onto the street below. It didn’t settle Eren’s nerves. Of course, he would wait for Armin no matter what happened. If Armin was never ready, Eren would still be okay with it because his feelings for the other boy were more important than any sexual attraction he had towards him. 

Sitting up, he grabbed a Kleenex from the bedside table and wiped the sweat off of his forehead. _Zum Kotzen_. His head was splitting with a horrible migraine. And, shit- he had swimming practice today. He couldn’t skip or Shadis would give him shit, but if he went and was slow Shadis would also give him shit. _Guess I’m skipping today_ , he thought, lying back down in bed and grabbing for his cell phone to dial to Shadis’ office. 

Eventually, the voice mail came through. “H-hey, it’s Eren. I w-won’t be at p-practice today, sorry. I-I’m r-really sick and don’t want to give a-anyone o-on the team my i-illness. Th-thanks, bye.”

Tossing down his phone, he curled back under the covers and groaned a little. Ugh. He didn’t just feel physically bad, he felt like a puddle of mush mentally. _Stupid, stupid. You should have at least waited a little._

Now, Eren wasn’t even close to a virgin. He’d slept with numerous people, both male and female and neither, back home, and he and Jean hadn’t exactly been, well, reserved. Comparing himself to Armin’s lack of experience made him a little bit nervous. _Ah, well._ The most he could do at this point was wait. 

He just prayed Armin wouldn’t run away from him because of this. There was no way in hell Eren would ever force him, and he just hoped that the blonde understood that. 

Aching, he tried to ignore the stinging of a growing sore throat and pulled the comforter up to his neck. _So much for not feeling physically bad_. After a few minutes of feeling horrible, however, he dragged himself out of bed and downed a glass of water that stung painfully in his throat. Grimacing, he opened up the medicine cabinet to find… nothing. _Great, just great._

He’d have to go to the store to get medicine. Lovely. Trudging into his room, the brunet tossed on a plaid shirt and jeans over his boxers before grabbing his bus pass and heading out the door. It wasn’t a long walk to the Walgreens and his apparent sickness wasn’t going to stop him from doing that. 

It was a sunny, warm day, with a slight breeze running through the trees and tossing his hair. It felt ironic that there could be such lovely weather when Eren felt so completely horrible. Still, he tapped his way down the sidewalk and across the crosswalk to the pharmacy. Once inside, through the sliding doors, he walked to the medicine aisle and picked out a generic Cold medicine-the nighttime kind, since he needed sleep. 

The slightly flickering lights above were hurting his head, so Eren trodded to the counter and bought his medicine. He started to leave, but-

“ _Sheisse!_ ” He keeled over from nausea, bending down on the pharmacy floor. Eren was turning heads and he knew it, so the brunet ran to the bathroom and into a stall, promptly throwing up into the toilet bowl. “Ugh….” The boy’s heart pounded, and he could taste disgusting bile in his mouth. “D-disgusting.”

Dragging himself up, he went to the sink and washed his face. _Good thing no one’s in the restroom_. Quickly, he took some of the cold medicine and then shoved it into his back pocket. A deep breath. _In, out, in, out_. “O-okay.”

He left the bathroom and the store, pausing outside to feel the sun on his skin. It felt nice, and calming. The german boy would stay there all day if he could, but he might throw up again any minute, so it was a no-go. Hesitantly, he crossed the parking lot and stepped onto the road. As he crossed, the walk signal held, green and buzzing, and Eren felt himself phase out of existence for a moment.

He collapsed onto the ground, shaking violently. Still in the middle of the crosswalk, he laid there and felt the warmth emanating from the street. It felt… nice.

 _Crunch_. That was all he heard. His leg, crunching. The weight of an entire car rolling over his shin. _Snap_. Suddenly crying out in pain, he howled and screamed until his throat was dry, and then he slept. He slept, and he dreamed of everything, especially Armin. But when the blonde spoke, his voice was only sirens.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last official chapter of Eyes Wide Open. Enjoy.

With a lurch, the doors to the hospital slammed open. Immediately, all the eyes in the main lobby turned towards Armin, who felt embarrassment wash over him. He tugged at the collar of his sweater and walked to the counter, hands shaking as he tried to clear his throat. “Um,” he said.

The lady behind the reception desk looked up at him, a drawn-on eyebrow arched with curiosity. “Yes, sweetheart?” She inquired, doing her best to sound hospitable despite the dark circles under her eyes.

Armin took a deep breath, trying to still his shaking and calm his nerves. “I, uh, heard that Eren Jaeger is at this hospital,” he managed to say.

The reception lady swiveled in her chair to a different computer, squinting at the harsh glare as she scrolled through the names, “Eren….Jaeger….how do you spell ‘Jaeger?’” She asked, turning back to Armin.

“Um, ‘J-A-E-G-E-R’,” Armin replied. The reception lady looked at the room number and then pushed her chair back over to the front of the reception desk.

“Room 402. You don’t look like family,” she said. It wasn’t meant to be a critical comment, but Armin couldn’t help but feel slightly upset with the lady.

“I’m not,” he half-muttered, half-said aloud as he walked to the glass elevator. He punched the up button and waited impatiently before the doors, pressing a knuckle to his lips with apprehension.

After what seemed like forever, the elevator had arrived at the lobby. Some tired looking parents stepped out of the glass room, holding each other’s hands as though their life depended on it. Ignoring the stab of guilt in the bottom of his stomach, Armin slipped past them and into the elevator, hitting floor 4.

He was the only one in the elevator, left to listen to nothing but some goddamn 50s piano music. He hated it. The elevator arrived at floor 4, and Armin stepped into the hallway. The scent of antiseptic stung his nose almost instantly, but he trudged down the mostly-empty hall and into room 402.

Eren was currently asleep, mouth ajar and eyes screwed shut. One of his legs was held up, suspended in a sling. A tight cast had been molded around the calf. 

“Hit-and-run.” said a voice from behind him. Armin swung around to look at who was speaking. The doctor was surprisingly young, with a soft face and two round-shaped glasses resting precariously on her nose. A glance at her name-tag told Armin that her name was Rico Brzenska. “His right tibia and fibia was nearly shattered. It’s a miracle he didn’t die.”

 _Is that supposed to make me feel better?_ Armin thought dryly. Dr. Brzenska pushed some of her gray-blonde hair to the side and stepped beside Armin, looking over Eren’s leg. She frowned and then tapped a few adjustments on the sling’s monitor, which lowered it ever so slightly.

“Make yourself at home. Visiting hours are over at 9,” Dr. Brzenska said, writing something on a notepad and placing it on the counter beside Eren. Armin assumed it was a note to the nurses of some kind.

Then she turned and was gone, disappearing into the pasty hallway.

Armin ran his fingers through his hair and sat down on the edge of Eren’s bed, gently uncurling his calloused hands. He held Eren’s hand gently, giving his hand a slight squeeze every now and then, hoping that Eren, in his unconscious state, would at least realize that someone was there with him.

Almost as if on cue, Eren stirred slightly. The tanned boy blinked once, then twice. “Ugh, _S-Scheisse…_ ” Eren muttered, using his free hand to rub at his eyes. 

“Hi,” Armin said softly, leaning over and planting a small kiss against Eren’s forehead.

“‘sthat y-you, Armin?” Eren asked groggily, his voice hoarse. 

“Sure is. Do you need anything?” 

A pause hung in the room for a few seconds, then Eren muttered “sleep,” and was gone back to the world of dreams.

Armin felt like he should have laughed or done something more, but he just remained there, holding Eren’s hand for as long as he could.  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
When Eren dreamt, he dreamt of Armin, and also a little bit Jean. In his dream, he was still dating Jean. They were in his room in his apartment, lying in bed together and looking at the ceiling. In one of the brunet’s hands was Jean’s hand. In the other, a piece of crumbled paper with messily-scrawled poetry on it. In his eyes, stars. The ceiling didn’t exist.

When he spoke, he kept meaning to tell Jean, “I love you,” but all that came out were distorted and stumbling German words.

“W-wussten Sie, d-dass Armin ist wirklich s-smart? Auch z-ziemlich, Jean, e-er ist w-wirklich sehr sch-schön.” He paused, seeming to think. “Sch-schön, wirklich. Ich glaube, j-ja.” 

Jean didn’t reply. Instead, he flipped over on top of Eren, straddling him. Breathing heavily, he leaned in and kissed the other boy, and he kissed back. The German could feel his friend’s breath on his lips, pulsing against the skin until he reached one hand under his shirt and-

Armin was in Jean’s place, kissing over and over and breathing hot and heavy. He gyrated his hips slowly, building up tension and making the brunet gulp. Eren wanted to continue but _no, no, this isn’t Armin_. Instead, he just shoved him off and-

He woke up gasping. His leg was in a sling suspended in the air, encased in a cast. The hospital lights felt like death to his eyes, and he shuddered. The doctor meandered over to him, stopping by his bed. “Is something wrong, Eren?”

“N-no,” he took a while to reply, “Just… just a n-nightmare.” Nodding at his response, Rico left the room, closing the door with a gentle click. Eren exhaled a deep breath, lying back down on the pillow and trying to ignore the dull, throbbing pain in his leg. Above all else, he tried to ignore the exact reality of his situation.

He couldn’t remember much. He had been sick, and then he had been hit by a car. Armin had visited him somewhere in the middle of his anesthetic daze, but he couldn’t remember what had been said or done. Now, he was here. _What now?_

He looked to the left. There were multiple get-well cards and balloons, undoubtedly left by his friends. It was outside visiting hours now, though, sometime in the early morning, so he had to entertain himself on his own. Sighing, he pushed the button to call a nurse.

“C-could… could you get me a pencil and a notebook?” He asked nervously, tugging at his collar with his one free hand. They nodded and were back in a few minutes with the requested items. Weakly holding the pencil in his hand, he started to write.

_I’m afraid of things I can’t touch  
glass feels like nothing and ice  
isn’t cold any longer  
when he touches me it feels  
real i feel  
alive and the acid in my veins is  
calm  
but these things die and so  
will i, not only literally but  
fading, moving, letting go  
soon the touches won’t  
matter   
soon the kisses won’t  
make me feel guilty  
soon i’ll be gone with  
riptides of myself  
let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let-_

The pencil scratched across the paper uselessly, and he found himself sobbing into the paper. It was undeniable. Eren knew what would happen now, but he didn’t want to face it. How could he face Armin, or Jean, or any of the others? He’d probably never see them again after this. He couldn’t stay here any longer, not when his scholarship required him to swim. This broken leg had destroyed everything that he cared about at all.

He sobbed and he sobbed and the words on the paper became smudged by his tears until he was too exhausted to even cry anymore and sunk into his pillow.

Eventually, the door opened to a familiar face. _Annie._ He smiled slightly at her, waving with one hand as she came over and sat in the chair next to him with a grim face. For a few moments they sat in complete silence, and then she reached out her hand and touched Eren’s, looking at the ground.

“Good to see you looking well, Eren.”

“Th-thanks. I mean, n-not totally well, but-”

“I know.” She bit her lip and looked up at Eren sadly. “So… no more swimming, right?”

Eren sighed and waited before answering. Her hand tightened around his, sweat growing in-between the skin of their fingers. “No. No more s-swimming.” He paused and then continued before she could speak again. “Don’t t-tell Armin, alright? I… I w-want to be the one t-to tell him.”

She nodded and then released Eren’s hand, looking down at the tile. After a bit, though, she brought her head up with a smile, surprising the German boy. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen her smile like this. “You’re a alive, Eren, that’s what’s important. I’m so, so glad you’re alive.” 

Eren found himself laughing and smiling back, a rare smile he wasn’t expecting to show that day or any day soon. “Y-you’re right. And, you know, I-I’m sure w-we’ll all figure things out w-when I-”

Armin walked in, rushing over to Eren and pulling up a seat next to Annie. “Oh my god, you’re awake! You fell asleep almost immediately when I visited you.”

Eren exchanged a look of silence with Annie and then smiled at his boyfriend. “W-well, I’m here now.” 

Armin grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it with a small laugh. “I’m so glad you are. I missed talking to you. But-” He looked at Eren’s leg sadly, “This isn’t good, now you won’t be able to swim! I guess I’ll just have to take care of you until you get better and can swim.” 

Eren nodded, trying to avoid wincing. “Of c-course you will.” He looked deep into Armin’s blue, blue eyes, filled with optimism. “Of course.”

\------------------------------------

A few days passed, filled with absolutely nothing but studying and visiting Eren in the hospital. Life had resumed a monotonous tone, and Armin couldn’t help but notice how the sky’s vibrant blue had faded away into a musty, drowned-out hue.

“Armin,” Historia said aloud, disturbing Armin from his thoughts. His head snapped up, and he glanced around the quiet library as if to remember where he was. Deja vu hit him like a wave. Hadn’t something similar like this happened before? “Earth to Armin. Dude, are you okay?”

Armin grumbled something incoherently and pressed his palms to his eyes. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just...really tired. Stressed.”

“Ah,” Historia replied, twirling a piece of her blonde hair between her index finger and her thumb. “How’s Eren?” Her voice drastically dropped, to try and avoid disturbing the other college students, most of whom had earbuds in anyways.

“He’s okay. His leg is practically shattered, though. He’s lucky he didn’t die.” Armin said, tapping his mechanical pencil against the fine pages of the textbook. “He’s mostly bummed that he can’t swim for a few months.”

“Wait,” Historia interrupted, eyes growing wide. “Wasn’t that what his scholarship was for? Swimming?”

Realization hit Armin like a bucket of ice-cold water. Immediately, he got to his feet, slamming his fists against the wooden table. “I have to go,” he said quickly, racing out of the library.

He practically threw the door to his car open, fumbling for the proper key on his lanyard, vision blurring together. Eren’s scholarship was for swimming. You idiot, you should have realized.

Armin didn’t realize he was crying until the first teardrop landed on his shaking hands.


	22. The End

A summary of the rest of the fanfiction:

By the time Armin got to the hospital, Eren was already gone. He had tried to sneak out un-announced and avoid Armin since he's not good at confrontation, but Armin ran to the hospital and found him there, waiting for his plane. Crying and admonishing him, Armin hugged him and asked if there was any way out of him leaving, to which Eren said no. The school had rescinded his scholarship until his leg was better and he was able to swim at the same caliber as before, which would likely be over three years from now given the damage to his leg in the car crash.

Armin and Eren exchanged Skype names, kisses once more, and Eren got on the plane and left. On the plane, Eren tried to write poetry, but was unable to get past writer's block. On instinct, Armin went back to Eren's apartment, but realized upon seeing a "for lease" sign on the door that he wouldn't be there. Returning to his dorm, he explained the situation to Jean, who felt sympathetic. Jean offered the advice that maybe Armin could go and see him, but Armin said that he doubted he would be able to get a job and wasn't sure Eren even wanted to see him again, that maybe he "really wasn't good enough." To this, Jean physically slapped Armin and told him he was full of bullshit and needed to see Eren again.

The next day, Armin ended up at Hange's coffee shop. Hange wasn't there that day, but her wife, Petra, was. Having seen her around the university, Armin greeted her. Petra was friendly and remarked that he seemed down. Sighing, Armin explained what had happened to Armin and Petra suggested that he work at their coffee shop, which was grievously understaffed, until he could go visit Eren in the summer. Hange, showing up with lunch for themself and Petra, suggested to Armin that he consider studying abroad in Germany for a semester or two. Armin, feeling hopeful again, agreed it was a good idea and filled out a job application, which was immediately accepted. 

Working during all of his free time outside of school, Armin became good friends with Petra and Hange. Annie showed up at the coffee shop one day with her girlfiend, a girl named Mikasa. Mikasa explained that she had an academic scholarship for the same college as Armin, and was in fact Eren's adopted sister. The two of them hadn't been getting along very well, and Eren had requested that Mikasa keep her distance from him so he could have a normal life away from her. The two of them had always been together, and he had wanted to be alone and on his own for once. Mikasa had wanted to go back to Germany at the same time as Eren, but their parents had insisted she stay until at least the end of the year.

Mikasa and Armin soon became close friends, and she often visited the coffee shop, helping Armin learn German as he worked. 

Meanwhile, Eren stayed at home, his leg still incredibly injured. As the summer passed, Armin worked and learned German and Eren played music and wrote poetry for Armin. The two of them Skype called often, and Armin harassed Eren over and over for not telling him about Mikasa. Armin got approval to study abroad in Germany for a year. Still, Armin despaired because he wouldn't be able to afford it. His friends, though, all chipped in money, with a large amount of money from Historia, who had a rich family.

Finally, he got on the plane to Germany and reunited with Eren. Eren showed him his house and his friends, and although Eren still could not walk well at all, they traveled nearby areas of the country together. Armin and Eren laid in Eren's bed, looking up and counting the cracks in the ceiling. Armin questioned what their future was together, to which Eren said, "I guess we'll just have to see." He passed Armin a fortune cookie. "Maybe this will tell you."

THE END

 

\------------------------------

Afterward:

Thank you for reading this fanfiction. Kil and I are deeply sorry we couldn't finish it, but the quality of our writing was going down because of disinterest and we felt it best to end it. This fanfiction means a lot to both of us, and we hope it meant a lot to you guys. You're the best readers we could have ever asked for, and though a summary isn't as good as twenty more chapters, we hope it will suffice.

The fanfiction, as some of you know, is named after the Gotye song, Eyes Wide Open. http://8tracks.com/yukisada/eyes-wide-open is the official playlist we made for the fanfiction which, ironically, doesn't even have the title song on it. If you want to relive the story, maybe take a listen.

If any of you are interested in more fanfiction by us, Kil and I wrote a fanfiction called "The Boy He Shouldn't Love" based around a ship from the game Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea (it's a good game and also free-play it). That fanfiction is in my list of works if you're interested. Are there any other ships you would be interested in us writing a fanfiction for? We won't be writing anything else for Attack on Titan, sorry. Give us suggestions in the comments. We may or may not follow them, but both of us want to write something new and are lacking inspiration.

Thank you once more for reading this fanfiction.  
We hope you enjoyed it, however unfinished.

\- Ven (Eren) and Kil (Armin)


End file.
